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Best friend pregnant need help ***URGENTLY***
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My best friend in the whole wide world has gone & got herself pregnant {not intentionally though} & is over a month gone now:(.
She has been engaged to her boyfriend for a while & he says to get rid of it. To my knowledge she is not on the pill otherwise she wouldn't be in the situation she is now & they use protection but obviously not this time.
She just turned 18 & she wants to keep it if it runs the full course & if she miscarriages due to complications then it will just happen. When the doc said she was pregnant he also found out that she had something else which would bring other complications{pm me if you want to know due to personal nature}. Her fiancee & me are the only people that know at present {so she must think i'm a hell of a trust worthy friend to her which I am}.
Anyway I think she should have an abortion going on the past experience of one of my other friends having a 1 year old now because having a baby at this age just throws your life up in the air & you can't do the normal things a person does at my age because a baby has to be included in the equation aswell.
To my knowledge she has got 3 choices:
1.Abortion
2.Keeping it
3.Miscarriage due to complications which I mentioned earlier.
If you could reply to this thread via pm because this is a public forum & all then I would be grateful or if you are on msn messenger then you could chat to me about it & give me your views on the matter {just look in my profile for the address if you can't view it then just ask me for it}
Thanks in advance for any suggestions/advice
.:Crispy:.
She has been engaged to her boyfriend for a while & he says to get rid of it. To my knowledge she is not on the pill otherwise she wouldn't be in the situation she is now & they use protection but obviously not this time.
She just turned 18 & she wants to keep it if it runs the full course & if she miscarriages due to complications then it will just happen. When the doc said she was pregnant he also found out that she had something else which would bring other complications{pm me if you want to know due to personal nature}. Her fiancee & me are the only people that know at present {so she must think i'm a hell of a trust worthy friend to her which I am}.
Anyway I think she should have an abortion going on the past experience of one of my other friends having a 1 year old now because having a baby at this age just throws your life up in the air & you can't do the normal things a person does at my age because a baby has to be included in the equation aswell.
To my knowledge she has got 3 choices:
1.Abortion
2.Keeping it
3.Miscarriage due to complications which I mentioned earlier.
If you could reply to this thread via pm because this is a public forum & all then I would be grateful or if you are on msn messenger then you could chat to me about it & give me your views on the matter {just look in my profile for the address if you can't view it then just ask me for it}
Thanks in advance for any suggestions/advice
.:Crispy:.
0
Comments
You just have to let her decide what to do, its not up to you or her boyfriend, If she wants it, then having an abortion could really fuck her head up. She should only have an abortion if thats what SHE wants.
There are people on this site whove had children young, and although i think it must be a lot harder when youre young, Having a child isnt something most people regret.
If youre a true friend, youll just be there for her whatever she decides, try not to pressure her as that could really backfire.
I'm sorry for the way it's worded I wrote it @ 5 in the morning & I couldn't get back to sleep becuase I was worrying too much about & it was on my mind. So subtlety wasn't a word that entered my head @ this time.
As I said one of my mates has got a 1 year old now & my other mate ended up being the farther to this baby which wasn't his for about 6 months of its little life. The things I heard during this time which the mother was saying were quite disturbing & she only had the baby because of her mothers strong religious beliefs & how abortion was sack religious.
As for standing by her that's all I'll do because she hasn't heard my opinions on the matter. I mean I must care if the min after I got home after her telling me I went on the net researching her new diagnosed condition & the possibility of abortion, pregnancy, miscarriages etc.
Sorry if i'm being rude but I come on here for some advice & not to be picked at for my choice of words on the matter.
Should I have a baby
pregnant - what now?
Helplines for her:
British Pregnancy Advisory Service
Information and counselling on pregnancy issues, abortion and fertility.
Telephone: 0845 730 4030
Brook Advisory Centres
Advice, counselling and medical help around contraception, pregnancy, abortion and sexual health.
Telephone: 0800 0185023
fpa (formerly Family Planning Association)
Information service on family planning and all aspects of sexual health.
Helpline: 0845 3101334
Susie
I actually had an abortion at 17 and that was best for me at the time, but I actually wanted the abortion, It hasnt affected me badly. There are a lot of people who have abortions under pressure and it can affect them badly for many years.
I also now have a child of 2, and hes the best thing that has ever happened to me. I dont think I would have coped very well at 17, but if your friend thinks that she would cope, then she probably would. At 18 shes an adult, and although its young to have a child, it isnt unreasonably young and a lot of young people make great parents. It isnt the worst thing that could possibly happen. and theres no need for you to panic on her behalf. I think she must have wanted to get pregnant in the first place if she wasnt using contraception and shes even said to you that she wants to keep the baby, so I think it sounds like shes made her decision, although its nice of you to care.:)
Cheers Susie you beaultiful board mod
I'll print off the info a give it to her but i'll ask her if she wants it first.
Hope you're not the mod which bans from using these boards
Right i'm a newbie on here & if you read my thread here then it kind of explains why I sound like any insensitive git most of the time @ the moment.
My friend & me have like a bro sis relationship & I know deep down in her heart that she's doesn't want to keep the baby & rather she had a miscarriage. But she won't have an abortion due to the fact of you are killing a 'life' so to speak whereas a miscarriage is a natural process where nothing can be done to stop it from happening.
I know that there is a 1-4 chance of a miscarriage occurring in a normal healthy woman but due to her new condition{which i'm not disclosing on here pm if you want to know} the odds are higher of miscarriage that's why I see she feels that if she has a miscarriage it happens & if it doesn't it doesn't.
I've only spoken to her once mind & that was when she first told me so I was in shock for the time & wasn't in a position @ the time to give any advice & she comes to me & tells me everything in confidence & me vice versa towards her. But I have to be clued up to give advice to her otherwise i'd be a bit useless hence this thread. It's like i'm being her personal councillor & I haven't got the training in the field except for the independent research i've done & I can't provide her with the necessary answers because i'm just as clueless as her on the matter.
.:Crispy:.
One thing she might wanna know is ok, she might feel she is killing a life but it doesnt even have a heartbeat yet, not until after 7 wks i think it is. So technically its not alive!
Hi go_away
As for the stories my friend that has the one year old is the same age as us & we know her well because my best mate was the babies dad for the 1st 6 months of his life although he isn't the biological farther & my friend the pregnant one now used to out with him.
My friend even said to me that she is another 'X'{don't want to say her name} by being pregnant. So she made the connection between her & the other people we know that have been through this situation before.
So i've sort of been through the whole pregnancy thing once with my other best mate for a baby which isn't his. Her baby was only born because of the strong religious believes of her mum & abortion is sack religious to their faith & the amount of times I heard the mother say she wish she would've had an abortion even after the baby was born is unbelievable & she also asked me seriously if I wanted to take the baby home with me cause she didn't want him.
I've had enough now i'm off for a break now. Too much thinking on my mind is making me bored. I'll be back later to fill in more if need be. But I think the whole situation is all there now I think
Woooohhh That's a lot of character better stop now for a while rest my poor keyboard:p
But then you get onto to old clique of when's a life a life
Is it at the point of conception?
When the babies heart starts to beat?
Or not until it pops out into the real world?
I dunno beyond me:eek2:
But I said to her was I dreaming that you are actually pregnant because I woke up & thought was that a dream or is it real life & she told me it's true she is.
She said it was an accident & accidents do happen & you have to deal with the consequences of them. So I reckon she doesn't want to talk about it & it will just mysterious go away all of a sudden {which is possible but not in a nice way}.
Suppose it's like my mentality if you leave something long enough it will finally go away but it doesn't work like that in the real world & you have to sort things out.
I think i'll get her to have a chat about it with my sis who is older than me & is female so can offer better advice than I can.
.:Crispy:.
she tells you she wants the baby - believe her. dont for god's sake try and tell her an abortion would be the best thing, because being in the vulnerable and confusing situation that she is in at the moment, can quite easily force someone to believe things that arent true, maybe that they wouldnt be able to cope, or afford it or whatever. people find ways - people manage, and if its what she wants, getting rid of it is the worst possibly answer for her.
Stand by her, talk to her, tell her it will be ok. tell her not to worry about her boyfriend, i know its hard - but people get through, and often people turn around when they know its *really* happening, or when they see their child for the first time.
What she cant do is let the fact that her boyfriend might not be there for her, affect her decision.
I got pregnant when i was 15 and had my daughter at 16, i was raped by a guy that i knew. if my family new what had happened - i wouldnt have had my daughter. But i didnt tell anyone until i was way past the point of an abortion, and i didnt tell anyone how i fell pregnant - so i was told to deal with 'my mistake'. which hurt me really bad, because not only was i going through this whole thing on my own, but whenever someone looked at me they thought id been a dirty little slag and slept about with people and hence i couldnt even tell them who the father was. but i was lucky, i met my (now) partner when i was pregnant, and i've been with him ever since, and he helps me raise my child as his own, so yes - i may only be 18, and i may have gone through a hell of a lot, but i found someone prepared to stand by me, and look after my daughter when i went out to work at night, and he respected me for being the mother, student, child, partner, and worker that i was, and still am.
not all teenage pregnancies have to be looked upon as a bad thing - i mean look at mine, i dont think it could have gotten any worse, and my family still think i slept around with some guys; but i've worked my way through the last two years and i've worked damn hard for what i have. i've been homeless, i've been alone, i've been everything you could ever imagine (apart from a man!), but im here, im alive, im still studying, and we're happy. my little family and me. my daughter is the most happiest child ever, she has a mummy and daddy that love her so very much, despite where she came from and how she came about.
at least your friend knows that her partner loves her, and their child isnt in vain, even if he thinks it is the wrong time at the moment.
just be there for her, make sure you talk to her and she doesnt try and ignore it, maybe get her to talk to someone else about it, either her mum, a councillor, or even someone from a local youth society, like your local connexions centre or something. theres plenty of places around in your town centre designed for helping young people and offering advice. even if its a bit of travelling, its worth it.
she could always make an appointment to go and see her local family planning nurse/doctor, or to go to your nearest pregnancy advisory place. or brooke. there are so many places around to offer non predjudice advice and information.
just dont let her give up on her life. its not the end of the world - and she can have both.
The view so far of thesite is that nobody on here has a sense of humour & I feel as-though i'm treading on egg shells every-time i post because I post in humour & just as a laugh in some cases & then my head gets bitten off for people with a lack of a sense of humour. To me laughter is the best medicine & people on here slate me for having this mentality.
So I bid you all farewell
As for my friend i'm the only outside body of their relationship looking in on the whole matter & this is a huge wait on my shoulders which for the life of me i'm trying to sort out but I can't if she doesn't want to talk about the matter & even trivial things seem more important like talking about my driving lessons rather the matter that she is pregnant. I think she needs to tell her parents or one of the outside society places which offer free advice & will listen to you in confidence that what has been said to them doesn't go any further
I suppose in the end although I sound like a complete bastard in saying this that I don't think she will be playing a part in my life in the future years:(.
Let the slating commence that I'm an insensitive bastard & only care about 1 thing myself.
I apologise for any inferior language that may have been used throughout this post
.:Crispy:.:wave:
p.s. Thanks to Tweety, **Twink** & Badabing for there help :thumb:
i think thats a slight exaggeration, and at the end of the day, if your friend doesnt want to talk ab out it, she doesnt want to talk about it. i dont think thats grounds for not being her friend anymore, and not supporting her in whatever her decision may be.
you came here asking for help - we gave you it, if you decide not to listen to our advice, theres not much we can do is there. anyway im at college and not really with it so i hope this makes sense. but the second paragraph anyway im sure of makes sense and you should read that twice. au revoir.
Edited version now:
I'm not leaving thesite anymore but i'm back now after gathering my thoughts.
The new view so far of thesite is that i'm coming on here for help but not realising that people are actually helping by giving their view point/opinion which is why i'm posting on here.
Cause many minds make a mountain {don't know where that came from}.
Anyway, the reason why I've taken offence to some people posting is because they have conflicting views to my own & although i've been open enough to post my problem I haven't been open enough to accept posts from other people.
So I bid you all hello again
I suppose in the end she will be defiantly be a part of my life forever because we have been through thick & thin together & we always emerge stronger on the other side.
I apologise for my fluctuating mind & hating thesite one minute & loving it the next
.:Crispy:.
if shes 100% sure that she wants to keep it no one will be able to change her mind so stand by her support her and be a good friend, you said her b/f wants her to get rid of it so if she go's ahead to have it will he not stand by her? if he dosent your gonna have to be twice as supportive.
Ok so maybe through some occurence its genuine, i still dont see how anything would be detected at 5 weeks though!
I had a scan at 7 weeks!
how come? did you bleed or something? I'm talking about the normal procedure, well i think its pretty similar across the country, i had a scan at 12 weeks and then 20 weeks, although on my birth board on a baby website(birthboard = group of mums all having babies in one particular month, mine being august and visit september too as i was originally due 29 aug) a lot of mums only got one scan at 20 weeks, but then that changes again if you have a history of m/c's
Now i know what is wrong with the pregnant girl i don't really know how much it can affect pregnancy, but i don't think it means she is doomed to have a m/c, she should just be put as high dependancy and have more care than normal i would expect
Di xx(NOT a trainee midwife just a confessed 'know-it-all') LOL
Correct, well more like 6 weeks now.
No she isn't i've known her for over 5 years now & me & her boyfriend only know about the situation. If she was 'attention seeking' as you put it then don't you think she would be publicly broadcasting it rather than keeping it as quiet as possible
She went to the docs because she was being sick all the time in the morning & after routine blood checks the doc said she was pregnant & she also had SCA{you know what I mean}.
Not doomed but higher risk than normal.
Click here for more info then you can see how complications can arise
.:Crispy:.
I had one because i was getting pains. Where i live you only get them for that reason or if you bleed.
Otherwise its 20wks only. I think in rare occasions when someone has no idea on dates then they doa dating scan at 12 wks. Otherwise we have to wait 20wks!!
Yeah, i know its routine lots of places, they are just meanys where i live. heh
I found out i am having a boy, i think its down the each person, i dont feel it would spoil it in any way but lots do.
James Daniel