Falling in love with your friends

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru

I have been friends with a lad called Chris for quite a while now, and we get on really really well. But the thing is, I have fallen in love with him! I want to take things further, but I don't want it to affect our friendship if it goes wrong. How can I tell him how I'm feeling?

Katy xxx
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I THINK U SHOOD TALK 2 HIM JUST SAY LOOK I LIKE U IF HE WANTS 2 GIVE A RELATIONSHIP A GO THEN OK BUT IF NOT FINE I'M SURE HE WON'T BE WEIRD AROUND U IF HE DOESN'T FEEL THE SAME WAY.

    blessed be
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it's always a hard one this i reckon. i think if yo be honest with him, he'll undertand either way. as a guy, i'd be flattered, even if i didn't like the girl. it might make things weird at first, but after a while things will be sweet.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dear Katy,
    This situation is exactly the same as the situation I was in three years ago - even the names are the same!!! I was best friends with my boyfriend Chris for 2 years before we got together! I fancied him for about a year and finally plucked up the courage to tell him. We had a long chat and decided that it wasn't the best thing to do - I thought it would be really uncomfortable, but it wasn't at all! Anyway time went by and we ended up realising we were made for each other and we've been together for three years now. If you want my advice, life's too short. Go for it... if he doesn't fancy you then at least you've tried, if you never hear from him again, it was never meant to be anyway! Good luck!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm going to take your advice, and tell him! I'll ring him later, and ask him over for dinner, and tell him then. We get on really really well, and have been best M8's since Primary School, so we should be okay, even if he dosent fancy me, shouldn't we?

    Katy xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm new here but reading this posting I can sympathise, I have been going out with my girlfriend for 3 years, but she has gone away permanently to work, and I still see her family quite often, I also go out with her sister and her sisters boyfriend on occasions to nightclubs and stuff. The only 1 problem is I have now fallen for her sister and everytime I go to see her I get really F****d off coz I cant do anything! I see her and pretend that we are friends but I want so much more but I just cant do it coz she is my girlfriends sister and so many people would turn against me! Any Suggestions??
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Dave699:
    I see her and pretend that we are friends but I want so much more but I just cant do it coz she is my girlfriends sister and so many people would turn against me! Any Suggestions??
    <P class="body">Dave ... u r playing with fire .. u are going 2 get burnt. Do u really want to risk upsetting your gf over something which may never happen?
    U need 2 find out how your gf's sister feels about u .. then if she feels the same way... split up with your gf and leave things 2 settle down.
    Then u can think abt getting 2gether with her sister. Dont rush anything else u will end up upsetting alot of ppl.
    Good luck
    xx

    xxx Mia xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i am at present going out with someone who before was my best friend. it was weird at first but now we're having the best relationship. i was wary to take the plunge coz of the friends thing but now i'm so gald i did!!! but still in the back of my mind i wonder what would happen if we broke up.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He probably wants out with you anyway, he has just been biding his time!
    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">; smile
    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">; frown
    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/redface.gif">; embarrassment
    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">; big grin
    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif">; wink
    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif">; razz (stick out tongue)
    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/cool.gif">; cool
    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/rolleyes.gif">; roll eyes (sarcastic)
    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/mad.gif">; mad
    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/eek.gif">; eek!
    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/confused.gif">; confused
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh god! I'm a real sucker for my friends. I guess everyone I've ever been out with was a good friend beforehand. Fancying a friend really can be a bitch cos you have to see them all the time and talk to them. Even worse if they keep getting in and out of relationships which they're not happy with and you're like "God! Why don't you just fall for me?". <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif">;

    <A HREF="http://www.mp3.com/autofire"; TARGET=_blank>
    http://www.mp3.com/autofire
    http://www.tefosav.co.uk</A>
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Be careful about dating friends, but not cos of the whole "should i tell them or not" but the aftermath when u split up.
    I went out with my best mate simon earlier this year and it is the biggest mistake i have ever made. I haven't talked to him since febuary and the last thing he said to me was that I was a manipulative cow and that another v good friend of ours, who he thought i fancied, was a poof. They now aren't speaking either.
    Is it really worth the risk?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi,

    Well this leaves an interesting question...

    It would seem wrong to start dating your best friend but you can't just date someone you don't know, can you? You surely have to get to know them first in a friendship before you both wish to take things further?

    I guess otherwise you wear a sign saying I want to date?

    I reckon dating is really difficult... so many people judge you to quickly and don't give you a chance. I personally find that I can't even get girls to really talk to me... god know what I'm doing wrong!?!?

    Just my 2p worth...

    Ian :-)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well i had a sick crush on my best friend but we decided not to take it further incase it would crush the relationship completly


    [This message has been edited by DaN (edited 02-06-2000).]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I fancy my mate so bad - he's so loving and sincere - he also has so many other physical qualities.


    We originally met off the net and I thought WOW when I saw him - after that he kept suprising me with how caring he is.

    We've grown to be great friends but I wish we could turn back all the clocks in the world and start again - cos now we're gr8 friends, he doesn't want to spoil it! DAMN!

    Should have tried ages ago!!!

    Remember: Our friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

    I live for my friends and each one is important in their own right - I can't personally risk ruining that friendship!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm in sort of a different situation. I worked with this guy for a year. We ended up moving in together only out of sheer necessity. So, we weren't really friends at that point; we were "work friends". We've both had failed, long-term relationships in the past. Since we moved in (in February) we've had long conversations about not wanting another relationship, ever. Back then, we both agreed on the matter, before we ever thought of sleeping together.
    Maybe in April, it just happened. We started sleeping together. So, I don't if anyone can relate to this, but our friendship grew stronger after that but neither of us considered ourselves attached to eachother in any romantic way. We NEVER discuss it. We simply sleep together some nights. But during the day, we're just friends. It's kind of eerie, actually. But there's no tension. We're completely comfortable around eachother. We have tons in common and we've NEVER had an argument or disagreed about money or any of that. He's such a great person. The kind of person I could spend the rest of my life with. Sorry if this story is running long, I just have to get this out.
    The situation at this moment is perfect. Every day is great at home. So what's my problem? I feel like I'm going to burst if I don't tell how I feel. I've changed my mind. I want to have a relationship now. Or at least I don't want this to end. But he's leaving to go on tour and I don't know if he's going to move back in when he returns. I have to tell him, I'm just terrified of scaring him off. To make matters more confusing, he's diplayed very subtle signs that he feels the same way. But then, the old conversation comes up about past heartbreak, old girlfriends. I'm absolutely paralyzed with fear. My mother and my sister think I'm off my rocker. HELP!!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    j9j9, thanks for the advice. I think I'm going to be a coward and leave it. I thought about how awful it would be to have a touring musician as a boyfriend. This way, I (we) can look back and have all good memories. I'll just have to consider him my friend, and I'd hate to put a big guilt trip on a friend before he goes off to do something extraordinary with his life. It is a shame, though. Do you know how hard it is to find a man in Seattle?!

    Good luck, I hope it all works out for you[/B][/QUOTE]

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You'll be the first to know, for better or worse. Here's a new plot twist: the tour's been postponed indefinitely while his band records their album and he's been offered a permanent job in Seattle. Who knows? The saga continues......... <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I hope things work out for the best for everyone here. I've got a serious crush on a close friend (obviously this situation is pretty common) but she's in a long term relationship (and straight) so I've got no chance. I want to be happy for her as she's talking about getting engaged but I am just so jealous. I can't discuss this with any of my friends because sooner or later someone will tell her.
    I just hope everyone else has more luck than I do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Isn't that an awful feeling? Seeing the person you love with someone else? It's a horrible, gnawing feeling in the pit of your stomach. It gave me an ulcer the last time. Just know that, no matter how bad you feel now, it WILL get better. My situation is still a major source of turmoil everyday. There's no solution except to suffer through it and hope it doesn't kill you (unless you count weeks on end of Smiths records and Haagen Dazs). I hope it works out for the best!
    Originally posted by Seren:
    I hope things work out for the best for everyone here. I've got a serious crush on a close friend (obviously this situation is pretty common) but she's in a long term relationship (and straight) so I've got no chance. I want to be happy for her as she's talking about getting engaged but I am just so jealous. I can't discuss this with any of my friends because sooner or later someone will tell her.
    I just hope everyone else has more luck than I do.

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for replying, Kris. I'll try the Haagen Daz treatment!
    Seriously, it does help to talk about things, so thankyou.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, now I'm in a world of shit. I got seriously drunk lastnight and told my roommate how I feel about him. He was sober. He doesn't love me. In fact, he told me he had to get up early and to leave him alone. I guess my sobbing woke him up because he finally came out and talked to me. He gave me the old "incapable of loving" speech, said he was numb. He said he HAD started to have feelings for me and he freaked out and closed himself off. He said it was nothing personal, he's just terrified of getting hurt again and I'm the first person he's been with since his tumultuous breakup.
    Why can't it ever be simple? I should have known this would happen! Now things will never be the same!
    I'm very hurt, but I'm also relieved. Now I know. I can get over it. I'm really, really trying not to turn cynical or feel like shit about myself. God! I would have done anything in the world for him!
    Well, there's nothing left to do now but have a drink. How pathetic! Thanks for listening. -Jen
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Everyone! Sorry it's been ages, but i'm just sooo happy! I decided to go for it with Chris, and it turned out he was in love with me, too!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh I am soo happy for you.
    But not so happy for me...........
    Ok I am really good m8s with this bloke called adam. He knows all this stuff bout me that like not even my best m8s know. He is such a sweetie to everyone and I get on with him really well.
    When we first met "us " was on the cards but his m8 liked me and therefore wouldn't be with me. Since we have become closer and closer and I am so madly in love with him its not even funny anymore. Because I've recently been going through a hard time and he's the only one who knows about it he has been my support system. He's the only man Ive ever really trusted and I just hope (and I know that he would never intentionally) let me down. He promised he wouldn't anyway.
    Baisiclly I wana be more than just friends with him but I duno whether he does or not. He said to a mutual friend back in April that we were just friends which is fine but then we have these "moments". The're kinda like the perfect moments for a first kiss.We've had loads of them. eg on weds we were @ his skool and i nicked something of this sideboard which he was on the otherside of. He leaned over put his arm around my waist and put his head againnst mine so that our noses were touching and just looked deep into my eyes for what seemed like ages. I thought he was guna kiss me but he didn't but i duno......it was weird the way he looked at me and I know if it had been anyone else I would have just gone for it but I really would just hate to mess things up with him because i really, really care for him.
    What do u reckon I should do? Should I tell him and risk losing a friend or should I keep quiet and just let it eat at me?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Even if it didn't work out for the best, I'm glad I told him how I feel. It was absolute torture keeping it to myself. Beisdes, you live but once.

    P.S. Since my last posting, I stayed away from home for the entire weekend and when I got home my roommate was dying to tell me that he'd missed me and he didn't want it to end!!! He loves me! He just didn't want to talk about it when I was drunk. What a roller coaster life can be! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You have reminded me of this poem I wrote once. I have the opposite problem, I find it a real problem to befriend women because they remain convinced I want to sleep with them. A shame really because I prefer the company of women to men, I especially envy them their ability to make idle chat, I tend to take life too seriously.

    Men, Women and self-esteem.

    Have you ever noticed
    how hard it is
    to befriend a member
    of the opposite gender?

    First they must realise
    there is more here than lust
    the lower their self-esteem
    the more they mistrust.

    How on earth can you like them
    when they don't love themself?
    You must have a motive
    you keep to yourself.

    Then next they realise
    you are just a blind fool,
    too stupid to see
    that they are not cool.

    Then many years later
    they open their eyes
    and suddenly realise
    you weren't telling lies.

    You really do like them
    for who they are
    no hidden agenda
    to keep them afar.

    As they learn they're worth knowing
    Just for themself.
    Their self-esteem rises
    they come down off the shelf.

    But they soon climb back up there
    spirit still not free.
    As they complain to you loudly
    "So whats wrong with me"?

    "Don't you think I'm attractive?
    Am I not your kind?
    Oh God I'm so ugly
    with my huge behind"!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i am quite lucky i have never fell in love with one of my best mates, but one lad called ricky fell in love with me and when i went with someone else he was devastated! i don't like letting boys down but it has to be done sometimes!!! lucy
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    most of you guys got off lightly, I've just come off the back of my 4th in a row on-requited 'love' situation, oh well I guess there's something wrong with me!

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    friends are exactly what the name suggests, friends, any more and the chances of working are slim to none I know that now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with Scotty 2 Hotty. Friends are friends and the instant you start screwing them you'll never be as close once you decide it's not going well and you break up.
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