Feelings i dont want!!!

Former Member

Hiya

Long time since i posted last!
But anyway to the point! Ive been with my fiance for almost 4years now and we are getting married next year, but i recently started back college! and there are lots more males in our class, and got chatting to one of them, he's different from the rest though in a wierd way thats why he stood out, but the other night i had a dream that it was this guy i was with and it was a pretty raunchy dream, i woke up the next morning and couldnt wait to get to college to see him, i dont know why, as i am happy in my relationship! Today for instance my friends and i were going down the street as we normally do, but 2day he offered me a ride down, i did and i dont know why but i really wanted to make a move! BUT i couldn't do it! i love my honey!
I think it might be the fact ive not been single for so long(3 and a half years) and im missing the feeling to have a crush on sum1!
What can i do?? i dont want this guy but i cant stop thinking about him!!

Love *candycane*

Former Member

Is there something missing in your relationship? Maybe the bloke at college has something that's missing, or faded, from your current relationship. If you really like your boyfriend that much, then you should try and find out what it is, and put it right.

Mr_Wobble

Former Member

wobble really does have a point you know I hope all things work out for you regards the relationship that you are in and you live happily ever after but life is complicated and this other guy may have something your partner doesn't

a question that i don't like to rise is the relationship you are in really the one you should be in now?

Former Member

i agree with what wobble said, if you care for your fiance so much, try and find out what is missing? and if you can find it, should you be where u are now?

Former Member

Another thought has come to mind. It could be the thought of commitment causing a bit of a panic.

Former Member

i dont feel commitment is the trouble! i do love my fiance, i told him i was bored and he went mad, now im sleeping in the spare room with bugs in it, yeuch(my own fault though). and the guy ive got feelings for has the same back, now my head is all over the place.
i dont want to leave my boyf of 4years for soemthing that will only last...2 months, but the tempation is there when it shouldnt!
I dont know what it is he has that my fiane doesnt, and its gonna bug me till i know!

thanks for your help guyz xx

Former Member

Some people are being a bit naive here. EVERYONE and I mean EVERYONE will be tempted by another person sexually or romantically when in a long term relationship that has gone for a few years. Its the grass is greener thing and human nature. The big test is whether or not you act on these feelings.

I wouldn't look too much into a dream. Girls do that way too much in my experience (I once knew a girl that thought we were destined to marry as she dreamt i fucked her in an alleyway? what?). The dream could just be a way of telling you that you like this person a great deal or that you wish your current lovelife needs spicing up (which doesn't mean bonking away, it means sorting it out with your partner).

Obviously you can question whether or not you really love your current partner - But it sounds like you do. Don't let the doom vultures make your mind up for you on that count.

Good luck.

Former Member

I have to say....go for the other bloke. If your sleeping in the spare room and your boyf flips when you tell him your a bit bored, then i wouldnt call that such a happy relationship!
I might have got this wrong, but if you say your unhappy isnt he supposed to try and get to the point of unhappiness?
Make sure the other bloke likes ya first. This may sound like im being a bitch, but i wouldnt be staying with anyone that chucks me in the spare room!

Former Member

....it happened!

Hiya! well after me telling this guy i liked him, he said he liked me back, and we've been chatting for about 6 hours everyday via sms. so the other day we decided to get together and ended up in bed. afterwards i didnt feel the slightest bit of guilt, and i enjoyed it!
before you judge dont call me a slag or whatever coz i know what ive done is wrong but it felt so right!
Now im back to square one with feelings i do want now!
confusing stuff!

Love candycane xxx

Former Member

i hate situations like this ive been there a few times and i know how your feelin really confusing init, you cant get the other guy outta your head.

if you arent happy in your current realtionship i'd say end it theres no point staying with someone if your not 100% sure its right, move on see how it works out with the new bloke.

sit down have a good old chinwag to the new bloke to see if he's looking for a relationship (if thats what you want with him), discuss what you both want out of it. then sit down and tell your fiancee it aint gonna be easy but you get do whats best for yourself and the others involved.

hope i could be some help, keep smiling

Former Member

yeah i know your right (above person) but its not that easy to do! see i love my fiance(well i thought i did), but i could NEVER leave him, he would have to be the one to leave me.
I have spoke to this other guy about a possible relationship, but he said that want what he was looking for, just meaningless sex, and that is what we aggreed on and were both happy with that, but afterwards, he kept hugging me and playing with my hair, and i knew from the look in his eyes he is wanting much more, but doesnt really eanto to get involved in such a situation. I would leave my fiance given the chance, but he loves me to much to let me go, which makes it even more difficult then i would have the finance of paying back the wedding costs so far. dont wnat to through my future happiness away for a fling with some other guy.
i really got myself in a complecated situation huh?

love candycane xx

Former Member

I don't get it. How can you sleep with someone else if you love your partner (or to be morea acurate - your fiance!). Sure, you've had an argument, and things aren't all rosy, but you either work it out, or break up, not shag someone else. Why? Was it revenge? If so, all you've achieved is cheating on someone you love, and getting used for a casual shag. I just don't get it.

Now I now I sound like I'm having a go, and I suppose I am a bit as I've been cheated on in the past, and I always get a bit angry when I read a post like this where it seems like cheating wasn't a big deal, and the person is trying to make out that it was someone elses fault. But, at least you posted it, and I may, if I'm lucky, learn something from reading this thread.

Mr_Wobble

Former Member

I feel sorry for your other half. You've wrecked your marriage before it's started in my opinion. I hope you tell him, honesty and everything. A relationship is based on trust, is it not??
Yeah, ok, everybody 'thinks' 'dreams' about other people, call them fantasises don't we, but they never become reality. You'd be lost without your bf. Hope your proud of yourself.

(Sorry this sounds bitchy but I've been hurt in the past...still hurting).

Former Member

I'm in a really similar situation as Candy at the mo and its sooooooo confusing its not true. I've been cheated on in the past and it really hurt and I never understood it but now I think I kind of do. I've been with my boyf for 4 years and recently I've started having feelings for some1 else. I tried to ignore it for a while and kept deleting his number from my phone and stopping myself being where I knew he would be, but this seemed to make things worse as my head kept filling in the gaps and fantasising more! I knew we both felt exactly the same way and we eventualy ended up sleeping with each other, which was amazing. We both hoped that would be it then and it'd be out of our systems for good, but its not and now its doing my head in! I love my boyf and would hate to hurt him or lose him but I cant get this other guy out of my head!! Think I am turned on by the danger element of it all but I dont really know. Wish I could deside as I know it's not fair to want it all. It's really kind of surreel and I don't know how or why I let it happen (tho part of me is so glad it did as it was gr8!) I feel like I've let myself down by acting against my morals tho. I'm stopping myself thinking about it and making a desision because I want to keep everyone happy (though I know its only a matter of time).

I mean - is it fair to tell my boyf just because I want to get it off my chest?! When it will only hurt him and I dont want to lose him anyway?

Help!!

Former Member

to be honest this post really does fill me with disgust that its somehow OK to cheat on your fiance and the amount of girls that think its perfectly fine, would it be fine if this was a bloke talking about how he cheated on your best mate? I think not and I think the fact you slept with someone else is bang out of order.

Former Member

Temptation is out there and and a test for everyone in long term relationships. Sure you may think person A or person B is nice but is it worth risking a casual fling with them and destroying your existing relationship? I don't think so and I also believe cheating is wrong and anyone who does it deserves anything bad that follows.

:mad:

Former Member

I would've thort exactly the same thing until it happened to me. Theres no point hating yourself for acting imorally, even if it isnt exactly ideal. Sometimes it can be a good thing as it forces you to look at what you really do want and whether you are doing the right thing in a relationship.

Former Member

.......still confused!

Hi again!
right on saturday morning i broke up with my fiance, but he was absolutely devestated, so i spoke to my friends about it and they said write up a list of good times and bad times, and work it out from there, and i discovered that at the end of the day my boyf would NEVER do anything to hurt me he loves me to bits, and i know i dont deserve him, so we got back together the sunday night! so i asked the other guy if i could phone him so we could talk, but the excuses he gave were pathetic, i asked if we could meet up and chat but he has stood me up 3times, and i just dont think hes worth it! so at the end of the day, ive realised NOTHING is more important to be than my fiance and i love hi to bits, and i will never ever hurt him again!
candycanexx

Former Member

Well done you! See, as I was saying - it can make you realise what you really want.

Did you tell your fiance about the other guy by the way?

Former Member

Re: .......still confused!

Originally posted by *Candycane*
Hi again!
right on saturday morning i broke up with my fiance, but he was absolutely devestated, so i spoke to my friends about it and they said write up a list of good times and bad times, and work it out from there, and i discovered that at the end of the day my boyf would NEVER do anything to hurt me he loves me to bits, and i know i dont deserve him, so we got back together the sunday night! so i asked the other guy if i could phone him so we could talk, but the excuses he gave were pathetic, i asked if we could meet up and chat but he has stood me up 3times, and i just dont think hes worth it! so at the end of the day, ive realised NOTHING is more important to be than my fiance and i love hi to bits, and i will never ever hurt him again!
candycanexx

Well you takled it in a sensable manner.. well done i hope your happy together... and good luck in the future