Advice on age difference!

Former Member

Hi all, I'm 18 and have just started going out with a 14 year old. Do you think this is really bad? She is a great girl and very mature, we get on good but what difficulties are we likely to hit with the age thing??

Thanks <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

Former Member

Hmmmm, touchy subject really. I'd be concerned as to what her parents think, I doubt they'll be too happy with it.
Personally I think 14 is a little to young, 15 is ok ish, but 14....
but, whatever makes you happy.

Former Member

it is abit of an age gap i wouldnt be very happy at all if my 14 year old sis was going out with my 18 year old mates

do her parents know about you or not?

Former Member

Well, there is a three year / three month diff in age. Her parents are very very cool with it, they like me a lot..........???

Former Member

age is only a number!! So if you like this girl it really shouldn't matter how old she is. My last boyfirend was 28 which is 9 years older than me and eventhough we have split up now we are still best friends. So as long as the two of you are ok with it there shouldn't be a problem. <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

Hope that helps!! <IMG SRC="cool.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

Former Member

true age is only a number. If you 2 get along and her parents are cool with it then thats good.

There is a 3yrs, 4 month gap between me and my b/f and my parents are fine with it, coz they have got to know him and trust him. As long as ure a top bloke and treat her rite, everything will be cool.

enjoy!!!

Former Member

hmmmm well my bf is 21 and i'm 17, the only probs we have encountered are sarcastic comments by friends but we take no notice <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

Former Member

its just the diffent levls of maturity i suppose i dont mean to be nosey but are you planning on sleeping with her?

Former Member

There is a theory that states it's all to do with the proportionate age gap.

To work it out (stay with me on this) you take the age gap and work it out as a proportion of the younger persons age.

e.g.
You 18.
Her 14.
= 4 years age difference.
= 29% proportion
= Very high proportion so likely to raise eye brows.

You 78.
Her 74.
= 4 years age difference.
= 5% proportion
= Very small so no-one bats an eyelid.

Hang on - is any of this actually helping?

Former Member

Age is only a number between consenting ADULTS.

If you like her then fair enough. You might be the nicest bloke in the world, but still, ugh!

If you don't plan on sleeping with her then I take back that last comment, but you have to ask yourself whether you can wait two more years to have sex with her. I think this will be the true measure of the longevity of this relationship!

Good luck though, hope you don't raise too many eyebrows around town.

Former Member

the girl i fancy, lucy, she said no to me because shes worried about the age difference. Shes 2 years younger than me - i dont see a problem but she does <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> .

Former Member

Hmmm, I agree with Speedo's mathematical proportion thing! However, girls do mature faster so it's probably only a year or two in those terms. I guess if you're happy that's fine but pressure from mates etc may well get the better of you. Good luck though, and remember, you could go to jail <IMG SRC="tongue.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> Just kidding <IMG SRC="rolleyes.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> Or am I? <IMG SRC="eek.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

Former Member

Why cant you find someone your own age.
Where i live all the guys my age (18/19) go after young girls cause these girls have something to prove by having an older boyfriend.
it'll all end in tears.
This is another subject where girls get the rough end of the stick again, my last boyf was only a year younger than me and we had such a different maturity age, he might as well have been 4 years younger, wel okay maybe not quite then <IMG SRC="cool.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

Former Member

My b/f is 23 and I am 19...so we have 4 years between us. We have been together for 2 years and it has never been an issue. But sometimes, I think "when I was in the first year (11), he was 15!!" Now that is a huge difference. Once you are over 16 and supposedly mature, things change..it depends on the people involved, you can have very naive immature 16 year olds.

Former Member

why is it the guys that are usually older, stunted maturity?

Former Member

I think girls are just ready for proper relationships earlier than blokes, on the whole. Up until I was 17, most of the blokes I met just wanted a physical relationship.

Former Member

People are only going to be raising eyebrows because of the legal aspect of your relationship. Sex is all they're concerned about - if you can prove you're a respectful and responsible adult who is having a positive effect on a younger, more impressionable teenager then you'll be on a winner.

You've done the right thing so far by getting into the good books with her parents; but be warned - they'll be watching your every move.

It's a lot of added pressure to your relationship, but think how wonderful it will be if you can prove all of those eyebrows wrong!

If you have strong feelings for her, then pursue this because I imagine those feelings will lead you to protect her and love her as opposed to mistreating her. And at the end of the day, you don't have to prove anything to anyone apart from yourself. <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

Former Member

Jez, all I can say is you people are amazing! Yes, everything everyone has said is valid to a certain degree. I do like her, very much so and I don't want to do anything like sleep with her incase it ruins things / end up in the clink. Your right, if people have a problem with it it's their problem. <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

[ 26-03-2002: Message edited by: Soneji ]

Former Member

Oh yeah, and to note she was telling me last night that her mum was really keen for her to go out with me because she thinks I am a very nice honest young man! <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

Former Member

Originally posted by Soneji:
<STRONG>her mum was really keen for her to go out with me because she thinks I am a very nice honest young man! <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"></STRONG>

That's great, honey! Good luck! <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

Former Member

nullBut sometimes, I think "when I was in the first year (11), he was 15!!" Now that is a huge difference.

k-t, i know exactly what you mean! I'm 25 and my girlfriend is 21. I am constantly referred to as the old man! Apart from that 'humour' there is no problem in our relationship, in fact it is very healthy!!

I think that once you're over 18, well maybe 16/17, nobody really cares about age. A lot of the time you can't tell unless we are talking about a 20 age gap or something.

If both sets of parents are happy then whats the problem. Unfortunately while your girlfriend is not 18 and not an adult, her parents will be on your back. <IMG SRC="rolleyes.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

Former Member

hey, soneji good luck with what ever happens!
i got asked out by a mate who was 20 n im only 14 i wasnt bothered by the 6yr age difference until my mates started goin on about what 2 tell my mum n then i started to think that he mite want more then i can give him so in the end we deciced to stay mates when i told him wot i was worried about.

Former Member

I hope this helps,
I first met by boyfriend when I was 14. He was 19. At first it was hard, loads of raised eyebrows but now I'm nearly 16, and he's nearing his 21st everyone we know have excepted us for who we are; a couple very much in love. We've been together over a year and yes there has been ups and downs but its true what they say; Love conquers all. Nowadays we dont even notice the age gap. Yeah, people may say thet 14 is too young but if your girlfriend is mature then put two fingers up to them!
Good Luck,
xx

[ 26-03-2002: Message edited by: xxxIn lovexxx ]

Former Member

in love, i really thought you was gonna say something about putting two fingers up somewhere else then - ! sorry im now going for a lie down <IMG SRC="eek.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="eek.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

Former Member

I like that proportionate age thing, very useful.

18-14 isn't great, but having said that, I've got a lot of female friends with that age difference. Even as friends, I get raised eyebrows and a <IMG SRC="rolleyes.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> as I say I'm going out with so-and-so, instead of with mates my own age. But I just put up with it, and I figure fuck em, most people aren't gonna be around here next year. <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">