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In love with 2 men

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Back in April I met this guy and started dating him. A few weeks after I met him, I met another guy who was really nice.

At first I tried to stop anything happening with guy number 2, and didn't answer his calls, but he was really keen, and I figured that as I had only just met the other guy and wasn't really serious with him, it was ok to go on a few dates with the other guy.

I knew I was going away for 3 months in the summer to work abroad, didn't think either of the relationships would go anywhere and was just having fun.

When I told them both I was going away, they both wanted to stay with me. I figured that by the end of the summer one, or both of them would have found someone else. But no. Both of them stayed in contact with me, writing to me and phoning me, and since I have been back I have been seeing both of them.

I know what I am doing is wrong, but I can't seem to come to any decision about what to do. Each time I decide I want to be with one of them, I change my mind.

I didn't think it was possible to love two people at once but I think I am now. I have never behaved like this before, I've always been faithful in relationships.

I tried to finish things with guy number 1, 2 weeks ago, but I ended up in tears and we're still together. He is really serious about me and wants me to move in with him!

They are both really good guys and I know I would be happy with either of them. Has anyone been in a situation like this, how did you make a decision? I am so crap at making even silly decisions like what to have for dinner, so this decision that may affect my future forever is really hard!

I know cheating is wrong, please don't reply if you just want to tell me that. Life is complicated, sometimes things happen and you end up in a situation without knowing exactly how you ended up there. I keep having nightmares about being caught..know I need to do the right thing but I don't know what the right thing is.

Comments

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The way I see it you only have 2 options -

    1) A Spitroast

    2) A ski-ing lesson
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for the excellent advice :rolleyes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry I always put a shite response for cheap laughs while I think through some decent advice.

    I think you are stuck in a hole - But I DO believe you can love 2 people at once. However I don't think you do love these 2 people.

    What made you almost choose man number 1 to split with?

    Can you describe the sort of things you do with Man 1 and Man 2? What kind of dates, moments you've shared and do you have regular sex with both or any of them?

    These sorts of details could help us get a better picture of your situation.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not sure why I almost broke up with man number 1. We had had a stupid argument about something and at that point I felt like I was happier with man no 2.

    I'm ashamed to say I am sleeping with both of them. I wasn't going to sleep with man number 2, the plan was just to have a few dates with him, but got carried away and started to really like him once I got to know him. I've never done this before and yes, I am using protection!

    I do regular things with both of them, dates to the cinema, drinks, meals, just relaxing at each others house.

    I have shared special times with both of them. I couldn't believe that they both liked me enough to stay in touch over 5000 miles for 3 months. Man no 1 is a really good friend to me, I don't want to lose that. Feel like I am still getting to know man no 2..always have a really good time with him though, and he's talked about me as "his girlfriend".

    It's just getting really complicated, I feel like shit for what I am doing, have to tell more and more lies and it can't carry on.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You are really in trouble. It is hard for anyone to offer decent advice as its a unique position and proof once and for all that love is what you make it. You make yourself love someone it doesnt just happen.

    Hope youa re using Oral Sex protection too.....

    The only advice people can give really is, drop number 2 as you don't know him as well, keep both and wait till one goes bad, but sadly the whole truth is you should drop both - You have dragged them both along and got caught up in it all and sadly its the only way out. You might keep 1 of them but then its always in your mind that you basically cheated on them good and proper for ages.

    Make a fresh start elsewhere and learn from your mistakes.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've not been in this situation before, i have liked people, but not like that.

    Try getting 2 pieces of paper, on one of them write guy 1's bad points on one side, and his good points on another. Then on the other piece do that same for guy 2. Then compare them and see what looks better.
    Also think how they make you feel when you're with them, and try to imagine what one you can most see yourself with in 10 years time.
    You said you're good friends with man 1, but r STILL getting to know man 2.
    Try what i've said, or maybe you should just get rid of bloke 2, before you know much more?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If she REALLY cared abotu either enough to want to be with them forever you could argue she wouldn't be doing this to them.

    The more I think about the more I think - Fresh Start.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Sir Cum
    If she REALLY cared abotu either enough to want to be with them forever you could argue she wouldn't be doing this to them.

    The more I think about the more I think - Fresh Start.
    Agree with above.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Sir Cum
    If she REALLY cared abotu either enough to want to be with them forever you could argue she wouldn't be doing this to them.

    The more I think about the more I think - Fresh Start.

    Thirded :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    bah another reason for me to not trust you evil women :p

    Yeh so i had the same problem i met a girl whilst going out with someone. I liked both of them but girl number 2 was more appealing to me. I could have just dated both of them quite easily but i did the right thing and chose. Now its your time to choose. You'll feel better because you wont feel guilty and you can concentrate on dedicating your emotions and feelings to one man.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Sir Cum
    2) A ski-ing lesson
    I know it's got to mean something sexual, most likely a position, possibly a threesome, but I just can't quite see what it could be. Explain please Cummy.

    Mr_Wobble ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Mr_Wobble
    I know it's got to mean something sexual, most likely a position, possibly a threesome, but I just can't quite see what it could be. Explain please Cummy.

    Mr_Wobble ;)

    Picture the girl laying inbetween 2 men, and her hands moving backwards and forwards on her "ski-ing" poles...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fuck i thought i'd written that or something as i'm in an identical situation here as well. So for once i really can't give advice as i'm sort of stuck as well. It's awful really isn't it Rosa as you can see the good points of both blokes. At the end of the day whichever one you end it with will probably not be enough as you'll be left thinking, would it have worked out with the other one.

    I'd love to say i agree with Sir Cum but unfortunately if i did then that would mean having to do the same myself and get rid of both :cool:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for advice guys. Being in the middle of something it's hard to see clearly..I really don't want to finish with both of these men. I have never had such good relationships as this, just my luck, I go out with wankers then get two lovely guys at the same time.

    Carolina, good luck to you, I hope things work out for you, the same as me, and we don't end up getting shafted by our own mistakes!

    I'm sure something will work out...not quite sure what or how, or when..
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I didn't know who you were candy..I do now!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Princess Rosa
    I didn't know who you were candy..I do now!

    ok that scares me
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm really sorry about this............but I'm flabbergasted!

    I won't slag you off because you want advice.......... but come on!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can you be in love with 2 guys? I'm sorry, but in my humble opinion it's impossible to be in love with two people at the same time. It can't be true love in either case?!?!

    I feel sorry for the two guys involved :( Poor blokes.

    I think the lesson here for everyone is, if you are dating a person don't start dating someone else at the same time.

    Sorry for not giving any constructive advice to you but don't deserve either in all honesty! :mad:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Punto


    I won't slag you off because you want advice.......... but come on!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can you be in love with 2 guys? I'm sorry, but in my humble opinion it's impossible to be in love with two people at the same time. It can't be true love in either case?!?!


    Although I agree I feel sorry for the blokes, I don't agree with this bit. If "true love" was so special and almighty as you say then you hardly anyone would end up feeling it as you have 6 billion people in the world so the chances of finding your true love in he hundred or so you interact with are very slim. Love is what you make it.
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