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my feelings
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
ugh i'm tired im feeling icky and iv got this throbbing headache but i can't sleep so im going to have a rant. Sorry! (you don't have to reply) <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
I called this guy (my friend) he said "i'm on the other phone, i'll call u back in half hour" two hrs went by, still no call <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">.
I was so pissed off bcoz he always dus this. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/mad.gif"> so i'm like grrr. then i get a txt sayin "sorry i spent too long on the fone b4 and i wasn't allowed to call you".
So all the time between the phone call and the text message, i'm thinking: don't expect him to call you because he probably won't he never does. Don't expect anything and then you won't be let down. Hide ur feelings and then you won't get hurt.
And then i realised this is how i live my life and it's not right <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">
I'm too sensitive about stuff (i know i'v sed this before but it really upsets me). I get upset if a friend doesn't call when they say they will because in my sad, pathetic little life, things like that are all i have to look forward to.
So i try not to let my feelings out because i know i'll get upset and i don't want to be upset, so i try to lock all my feelings up in a box in the back of my mind, but it doesn't work because i'm so bad @ hiding my feelings.
I don't want to hide my feelings, i just want to be accepted for who i am, but i think i scare people with my intensity (when i like someone i won't leave them alone). I don't know why i do this, it only turns people against me, and then i am back to square 1 again. I think sometimes it mite make me look desperate as well and thats never a good thing. But i'm not just talking about guys here, i'm talking about everything, everyone. Everything is just intense.
I feel like i have so much love to give, and so many feelings to share, i can't keep them locked up nemore, i need someone or something to share this stuff with.
I miss the little things u have in a relationship like cuddling and being able to talk to someone about deep stuff and you know they care.
I hate being so sensitive, it's a terrible thing. It only causes you pain, pain and more pain.
Sorry this is so long, but maybe i can go to sleep now that i'v got it all out.
If the sky that we look upon
should tumble and fall
or the mountains should crumble in the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry,
No, I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand
Stand by me
I called this guy (my friend) he said "i'm on the other phone, i'll call u back in half hour" two hrs went by, still no call <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">.
I was so pissed off bcoz he always dus this. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/mad.gif"> so i'm like grrr. then i get a txt sayin "sorry i spent too long on the fone b4 and i wasn't allowed to call you".
So all the time between the phone call and the text message, i'm thinking: don't expect him to call you because he probably won't he never does. Don't expect anything and then you won't be let down. Hide ur feelings and then you won't get hurt.
And then i realised this is how i live my life and it's not right <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">
I'm too sensitive about stuff (i know i'v sed this before but it really upsets me). I get upset if a friend doesn't call when they say they will because in my sad, pathetic little life, things like that are all i have to look forward to.
So i try not to let my feelings out because i know i'll get upset and i don't want to be upset, so i try to lock all my feelings up in a box in the back of my mind, but it doesn't work because i'm so bad @ hiding my feelings.
I don't want to hide my feelings, i just want to be accepted for who i am, but i think i scare people with my intensity (when i like someone i won't leave them alone). I don't know why i do this, it only turns people against me, and then i am back to square 1 again. I think sometimes it mite make me look desperate as well and thats never a good thing. But i'm not just talking about guys here, i'm talking about everything, everyone. Everything is just intense.
I feel like i have so much love to give, and so many feelings to share, i can't keep them locked up nemore, i need someone or something to share this stuff with.
I miss the little things u have in a relationship like cuddling and being able to talk to someone about deep stuff and you know they care.
I hate being so sensitive, it's a terrible thing. It only causes you pain, pain and more pain.
Sorry this is so long, but maybe i can go to sleep now that i'v got it all out.
If the sky that we look upon
should tumble and fall
or the mountains should crumble in the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry,
No, I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand
Stand by me
0
Comments
course we're gonna reply! doesnt matter if people say reply or not, we care so we will! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
im the opposite, i get more and more mad when someone doesnt call when they say they will and i send texts and have a go at them when i do speak to them demanding to know what theyre doign and why they havent rung. i think i expect too much from people and as a result it causes problems. like if i send a text message, i expect the other person to reply before i get so frustrated or lonely or worried or angry i have to text back again. and inevitably its me saying "why havent you messaged me?! i messaged last!! what r u doing?!" and that kinda thing and it just alienates the people and all the time im doing this, im reaching out to them from what i can tell and trying to keep them close to me, but its having the opposite effect.
and i can understand their feelings, something approaching suffocation im sure, my first boyfriend was terrible, not in this way but he was so intense about everything, only a few months after wed been together he was saying stuff all the time about how he wanted to be with me forever and every comment struck fear into my heart and dread and i know it shouldnt, but i just knew we WERENT goign to be together forever. i didnt say anything for ages apart from to other people and eventually when my bf found out he was hurt (especially the way he found out, from an ex friend passing it on to an enemy then to him), but we talked about it and it made things better. and he stopped doing some of the stuff, but it was always there as an issue at the back of everything.
but it just seems polite to reply to a text message within a few hours if its during the day and youre capable of doing so, or if i received one at night and im too tired to reply, ill do so the first chance i get the next morning. and i just expect that off everyone else too.
i know how you feel, im the same. i live for my friends and the people im close to, i dont have many true friends, a lot just pretend in school and its just all a front they and i both put up to make the day easier. but if i dont get a text message for a while i get edgy, im always waiting for the beep and i really look forward to text messages and its like a small thrill when you do get one. that makes me sound really sad now!!!! but i hope you know what i mean.
you're right, i know what you mean. people dont understand you and you dont feel able to talk about stuff for fear of being misunderstood or laughed at. i used to talk a lot more openly about stuff but people treated me like shit who i thought were my friends (but knew deep down they werent) and so gradually ive stopped telling people stuff. now i only tell the ones i can trust. which brings it down to 2 people in the entire school, which makes it kinda difficult talkign to the rest of the people in my lessons and at lunch times and stuff in our group of friends.
we've all fallen out before over it, i felt so unwanted by the rest of our little bitchy group, all apart from 2 people, one girl whos really quiet and never says anything against anyone just so she doesnt cause trouble, and my best friend julie. but somehow the rest made it look like i was the bad guy makign another girl cry which is bollocks, they sat and accused me of this and that (mainly of trying to keep julie for myslef or some shit and being jealous when she talks to other people which was SO far from the truth its ridiculous.) and between them they made me cry. and so gradually ive learnt not to trust anyone in school or rely on them for friendship.
ive made better friends on the internet, ive lost touch with the older ones, and now im currently losing touch with one now, but we always do this and then have a good talk and realise how much we miss each other and its all fine for a while. i have another very good friend from the internet too, and i have the boards here and everyone on them.
after being in a long term relationship for 16 months it was hard to adjust to not having someone there to listen to you and to hug you and cheer you up, the little things, like you say drifter. i had reconciled myself to being single until at least i got to university, and i was okay with that after a while. typically as soon as i start being happy being single mark comes along and ruins it <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> hehe you know im only joking.
but you dont NEED someone drifter in a relationship situation i mean, i think all people need close friends, especially if they're sensitive people otherwise they end up bottling everything up and it poisons you (metaphorically speaking).
i hope you find someone who'll fit the description of a close true friend soon drifter, whether or not that comes with romance too.
and i apologise for this beign so long!!!! lol
It only takes one tree to make a thousand matches, only takes one match to burn a thousand trees
Drifter, y do u feel so bad?
You say you feel you cant let your feelings out? I am exactly the same way. Because I am a lad I ahve to have this macho image about me because "big boys dont cry". But once or twice I have just sat there, either with my mum or my gf and just cried.
It wont be a little thing, it'll take months of building up and I'll just release it all in one go. And i can tell you, I feel much better afterwards, but only if i have a shoulder to cry on.
Just once, try letting it all out in one big frenzy with a friend or relative you are close to. Tell them how you feel and they will listen.
Hope it works out,
luv stexx
keep your head up hun.
dk
I am the darkest force to walk this planet, joining me is impossible, resistence futile
Dark Knight 1983-presentday
It only takes one tree to make a thousand matches, only takes one match to burn a thousand trees
my bloke is exactly the same i know something is wrong with him, but when i ask him he just says "nothings wrong!" typical! then sometimes he justs lets it all out at once and cries 4 ages.
i cant really complain cos i am the same, i let things get on top of me and i find it so hard 2 talk 2 my bf about my probs and i usually lose my temper with him instead of talking to him.
(even tho i sed don't bother its nice to know u care!)
whowhere, i'm like gfm, i don't like big macho guys, i like the sensitive guys who i can share stuff with and who actually have a heart.
gfm, i'm not really looking for a relationship, i'm just looking for a good friend really. someone to love and someone who loves me back, but not necesarily in relationship terms if u know what i mean. theres a big difference between loving someone and being in love with them.
If the sky that we look upon
should tumble and fall
or the mountains should crumble in the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry,
No, I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand
Stand by me
he said "i'll call u tomorrow."
well tomorrow turned into today and today is almost out so i sent him a txt "i thought u were gonna call me 2day"
no replies.
<IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">
If the sky that we look upon
should tumble and fall
or the mountains should crumble in the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry,
No, I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand
Stand by me
I used to get phone numbers of people on the internet, usually who lived near me, and used to txt them a lot. I always felt really lonely, and deprived coz I cant go out + meet real people and have a proper "social life"
When I thought about it I came up with this:
" OK I've met this girl on the net, we swapped mobile numbers, and I am txting her etc far too often. I'm coming across as a geek"
Then I met some real people <g> and it had the oppositie effect, I wasnt communicating enough and they thoughtI was giving them the cold sholder.
Its just about striking the right balance, experience is what it takes.
i know exactly what you mean!! i have one person from each category sorta thing that i love to pieces in different ways! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">
It only takes one tree to make a thousand matches, only takes one match to burn a thousand trees
relationships can be a struggle at times, blokes just dont seem to understand how important communication is, even if its just a text message every so often! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/mad.gif"> but then just when youre about to give up they do somethng unbelievably sweet and restore your faith in them and its all okay again <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
well i hope thats what will happen in your case too! *fingers crossed*
It only takes one tree to make a thousand matches, only takes one match to burn a thousand trees
Girls can b like that too, im talkin from experience. You get some loving caring boys/girls and some not so caring boys/girls, its not fair to stereotype !!!