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how the friendzone can be cruel

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi folks. Hope ur all well. Here I am with another problem.

As some of you may know about a certain girl I was once after and unfortunately I fell into the friendzone, she’s been texting me telling me about her new boyfriend which to be honest I couldn’t give a shit about. I can’t say that exactly to her obviously but I will probably to tell her to change the subject next time we talk and he comes into it.

Anyway I was out last night at the usual place I go to where our college crowd meets up. I didn’t expect to see her cos she mentioned she was broke but when I did I knew I wasn’t going to have a good night. Even though I’ve kinda got over her you still have that weird feeling inside of you. She let on to me later on and he’s the first thing that comes into the conversation. I was sober at the time but if I was drunk I would have been honest and said it was boring the arse off me.she’s blabbering on about how people are calling her a peedo or whatever because she’s almost 18 and this guy’s just left school.( very unlike her to go for someone younger or even the same age). I just said it’s none of my business. Then he appears, I knew it was him, she ended up introducing me and at that time I wasn’t in the mood, probably because I was still sober, she said that I was her best mate which annoyed me even more because I really am not. If she even meant it a little bit then I wouldn’t’ be bothered. I said hello and then he starts snogging her right in front of me. Call me paranoid but I would say that’s bleeding ignorant. I just walked off and she said she would text me during the week. She’s never said that so I pretended I didn’t hear.

One would think that I still fancied her but I don’t. the way she can speak to me sometimes, that’s something I don’t want to be with.

What’s your opinions folks?

Comments

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    u sure she doesn't fancy you?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: how the friendzone can be cruel
    Originally posted by frapestyle
    One would think that I still fancied her but I don’t.
    Umm...but you do though, that's the problem.

    If you didn't then it wouldn't bother you at all - the guy's done nothing wrong in kissing his girlfriend in front of you; it's his girlfriend and not his fault if you fancy her.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    re

    In reply to the 1st one, I know for a fact she doesn't fancy me, she may have done at one point when I didn't read it correctly but definitely not now. In reply to the second one, thats what you may think but I know deep down I don't fancy her anymore, the only reason i feel a little weird is that i have that thought that says "that cud av been me".

    im not saying that he shouldnt kiss her, of course he's entitled to do that, i just thought it was pretty ignorant to do it right in my face just on meeting me. my brother wouldnt do that in front of me with his girlfriend. if theres a bunch of you then fair enough, but when its a case of leaving one person just stood there helpless of whether to walk off or wait, then i think its a little insensitive.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: re
    Originally posted by frapestyle
    im not saying that he shouldnt kiss her, of course he's entitled to do that, i just thought it was pretty ignorant to do it right in my face just on meeting me. my brother wouldnt do that in front of me with his girlfriend. if theres a bunch of you then fair enough, but when its a case of leaving one person just stood there helpless of whether to walk off or wait, then i think its a little insensitive.

    I know how that feels, my best mate used to do that with her (now ex) boyfriend all the time when we were out. They used to stand there eating each others faces off and I was left to either stand and watch and look stupid or stand and look at my feet and look stupid. However, if you don't still like this girl I don't understand why you are bothered that she keeps going on about him. If it gets annoying just tell her or just tune out (it's easy when you know how!).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    re

    To be quite honest I don't really know why I am still bothered about her. During the holidays we've hardly spoke, she rang me a couple of times and so did I but that's about it, and with her blabbering on about this lad to me down the phone, I could just understand that me and her are only mates and either she didnt figure out that I still had feelings for her or she was being a bit spikeful telling me about her and someone else. I've known her almost a year now and she's known him a couple of months and when I actually did fancy her first she said to my face that she just wanted me as a mate, and I was fine with that. Then just when I think we were getting closer spending more time with each other this happens and this is when I start thinking where did I go wrong.

    I suppose another reason is probably now I've seen this guy. It doesnt matter how good or bad looking he is or how sorted or not he is, I think it's just the fact that now I've seen him I feel weird. I'm pretty sure that in a few days I will forget about it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    reply

    Right I've gave it a couple of days to cool off and I think I may have come to the conclusion that a little part of me still likes her, but this is the part that I want to destroy and move on.

    I've spoke to a few mates about it. They havent met her apart from one but they know all about her from me and every one of em said that she's doing it to wind me up. its either that or she really has no idea what she wants. they also said that she would be winding me up because she knows I'm there to fall back on if it doesn't work out.( and her relationships dont last very long).

    If thats the case, if thats all she thinks I'm worth(;which I'm really starting to think now) then she can think again. We've barely spoke during Summer and only seen each other once and that didnt go down well as I've previously mentioned. I don't know her bf at all, I've just said hello and I don't really care if i never get to know him. thats not the point tho. the point is me and her were mates, she was asking me if i just wanted to keep it that way, i said to see how things turn out. then we start spending more time with each other wanting to be around each other, having more of a laff with each other. But then when I ring one night she gives me the low down of who she got off with the night before-who became her bf now, sending me back to square one. If they're not signs of someone who seems like they want to take a friendship further, I really dont know what are.

    Give us some help people!! plz! I don't see any other option but to move on whether it means carrying on talking to her or not at all.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know this sort of girl. If she's the sort I'm thinking of - she's just using you as an ego-boosting backup-boyfriend. I had the (mis?)fortune to become friends with a girl at uni who showed similar behaviour to what you describe. When she was single we were very close friends and maybe more (e.g. we snogged when we were drunk and got as far as sleeping together once). But whenever something better came along she reminded me that I was only her best friend and nothing more, whilst openly snogging whoever her latest fancy was in front of me. I went along with it for a while because she kept keeping my hopes up but then got too pissed off and I went and found myself a much more caring girl. Now I subtley rub that fact in her face whenever I can (childish of me I know, but she hurt me first :p). You should do yourself a favour and find someone who treats you with the respect you deserve.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    reply

    I must say I think you are quite spot on. Thats more or less the exact situation that i'm in. I suppose the only difference is that i've never snogged or slept with her, we've kissed but thats about it. If i had had the confidance I could have snogged her because now I'm almost certain that at one point she did fancy me but didn't really make it very obvious.

    What i'm gunna find troublesome is that i start college on thursday for my final year and i'll end up seeing her almost everyday and I don't know whether I want to speak to her much again. Her fella joins the 1st year on thursday as well. I know for a fact it won't be the same as it was with her lasy college year, obviously partly because now she's got another boyfriend but also that I won't be taken in by her.

    What buggs me more tho is that she's the only girl i've met who I have quite a lot in common with (not including my brother's girlfriend) and sometimes we could talk for ages and I did enjoy it.

    Help me overcome this people! plz!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you have to admit to yourself that you still fancy this girl. I still fancy the b!tch who messed me around, I just don't let her know it anymore cos thats what she feeds on. She loves the attention.

    You might even have to admit to yourself and even to her, that you've always fancied her, you still fancy her, and you always will fancy her, and no amount of bullshit pretending that you can be "just friends" will work. That's what I did.

    If however you think that you can hack being friends with her, then don't do all the hard work yourself. At the moment you're suffering in silence while she gets a best friend and a boyfriend. If she makes you feel uncomfortable by making you watch her kiss her boyfriend, don't put up with it. Walk away. If she asks you to come out some time when it's out of your way, then don't go. Don't go all soft and say "oh OK" just because you fancy her. Find some new mates. Put her lower down on your priorities. Find a new best friend (preferably male). It will be really hard at first but you'll feel better for it in the end. And if she really cares about you that much, she'll miss you and put in her fair share of hard work to win your friendship back.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    reply

    The thing is whether she has ever labelled me as her best friend or not I don't know, but I've never labelled her as my best friend, maybe my best female friend but not overall. My best friend is a lad from my old school. I remember near the end of college I had one of her friends asking me whether me and her were seeing each other. I replied with "no, i like to think so but no". Her mate said that the girl secretly fancied me as wel as me fancying her. However I've fallen into those traps before and wasn't prepared to do it again, so I just smiled and thought nothing of it. Was that the wise thing to do?
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