Am i just being Paranoid

Former Member

Hi I met my girlfriend 3 months ago the only problem is she lives 200 miles away. We have only met up twice since and spent a total of 12 days together. We speak everynight on the phone and also txt each other
So we can be together I have given up my job and prepared to leave my family. So i can go and live with her because a long distance relationship won't work.

Recentely i have noticed that she has been going into chat rooms like MSN and AOL talking to other ppl..She tells me should would
never meet up with other men from the net she only chats and they are just chat mates..At the moment because i am 200 miles away i get paranoid...wondering if she is actually seeing other ppl...she is forever saying she loves me and cant wait to see me

but i don't know...any advice please

Former Member

OK firstly I have to say the obvious thing, which is are you SURE you want to do that? 200 miles is a long way for someone you've only known for a short time, and giving up your job is a pretty big thing.

If you're prepared to do all that for her, then I think you have to be prepared to trust her.

Former Member

You sure shes actually your girlfriend and not just being friendly?
It sounds as though shes playing the field a bit but then you havent really given us any information so i can't really judge.
*edit*: and besides you've only known her for 3 months! just move on and forget about her...

Former Member

Yep I am prepared to move to be with her...We only get one life so i am going to take the chance. If it doesnt work out i can always come back to my family and get another job.

She says she wants us to be together and i hope she mean's it
thanks for your advice

but i would like other ppl's opinions so feel free to add your comments

Former Member

since you have kinda nicked my 'real life' nick name i'm gonna be blunt

sort out your head and grasp of time scale.

don't start a new life for a internet girl of a mere three months.

Former Member

Originally posted by molo
don't start a new life for a internet girl of a mere three months.

As above.

Former Member

Don't do it for only 3 months hun. if there was a year or two to add to it then no worries. Just don't rush things it only causes troubles.

Former Member

Well I agree with what everyone else has said, but the issue here isn't whether he should move up to live with her; he's obviously made his mind up about that so comments about the 3 month thing aren't going to go down that well.

The issue is that he's not sure if he can trust her or not. THAT'S what makes me think he needs to question whether he's really ready for this. That's a lot of sacrifices for someone you're not sure if you can trust.

But yeah, just for the record, I don't think it's a wise move either, not when you barely know this girl.

Former Member

Hi everyone thanx for the advice..But i really do believe this is the girl for me...And hey it goes wrong at least i tried..I won't be sitting and wondering in years to come.

once again thanx

Former Member

hello? you are on the net talking to us! It doesnt mean your gonna meet up with any of us, does it? dont let jealousy tie you down it will rip your relationship apart!

Former Member

Thanks Vinyl Vicky for your comments...I'm not paranoid about moving 200 miles away. I know when i am with her everything is Ok. We have a wonderful time together we went to Dublin for a holiday and it was brilliant.. I am only moving so our relationship will stand a chance of surviving at the moment being 200 miles away i can't get to see her every weekend. Sometimes she feels down..and i feel helpless because i can't do anything thats why i'm moving so if she ever needs my company i will only be a short drive away...
I'm being paranoid because i often worry she might find someone else more appealing over the net...That's why i'm not keen on her chatting to other men.

Former Member

the_uk_mole - can I ask how old you are, out of interest?

Former Member

yeah sure Andy i am 28 why

Former Member

Hiya...I know that perhaps the issue of you moving away from your job, family and friends is not the main part of your question but...have you really thought about what things will be like for you without all these things? Have you spent any time with her friends, do you know anyone in the place you are moving to apart from your girlfriend?

From what you have said you are just moving closer to her - not in with her - and that could end up being pretty lonely. Have you thought about how you'll feel when your girlfriend doesn't want your company? I don't mean permanently, but on those days when she says she can't spend time with you because she's going out with mates, or doing stuff by herself. If you are already feeling jealous about innocent internet chats how are you going to cope with feelings of jealousy when you are at home in your new flat and she doesn't want or have time to meet up with you?

Things won't instantly get better just because you live in the same town and you may end up feeling just as lonely, even more so because you may not have the support of your own friends and family. Personally I think you should wait before moving. This relationship may be wonderful and may continue to be so without you having to move for her. I mean, has she ever once suggested she might move closer to you?

It sounds to me like you need to get a handle on your feelings of jealousy...and in answer to the question...yes - I think you are just being paranoid and moving wont neccesarily stop those feelings of paranoia.

Former Member

Yep I have met her parents and her brothers..I have also met her workmates and some of her friends..They are all very nice..
She is going to stay with me on certain days during the week and also at weekends and when she isnt with me. I will be seeing her at her parents house..She is only 20 and never lived with anyone thats why i think she is hesitant to move in permantly.
I'm certain she loves me because she has been looking at flats and Jobs for me when i come down...
I am going down this weekend to go flat hunting with her...

thanx for all your comments

Former Member

if i were you (and i speak as someone who's currently living with a guy i met off the internet, who used to live 100 miles away) i'd leave it for a bit.

travel to see her as much as you can, talk on the phone every night, but wait before you move.

tbh it sounds like you are more into the relationship than she is, and you might end up getting hurt.

Former Member

Good points everyone! I met my boyfriend off the net too. I would also leave it for a couple more months. Takes time to get to know someone properly, and when you know then inside out then the feelings of paranoia and jealousy will disappear!! Hope it all goes ok for you xx

Former Member

When me and my bf first got together (I met him from here, he lives about 350 miles away from me) we didnt think long distance relationships worked because we'd hardly see each other. But we decided to give it a go cos we wanted to be with each other. We met up again and we got on very well. I was working during that period so I had to book off a week so I could go down and see him in his town. It took me 10hrs to get there by train but it was well worth it. Over the last 3 months, I have stayed in his home town 3 times (first time for 6 days, then 2 weeks, and previously one week) he has come to stay with me in my town, and we've been on holiday together - which was a treat as we both came across some money from our previous jobs (I had quit my job by this time). Neither of us have much money but we've tried our hardest to see each other. And as I have a free train pass, I can go and visit him as often as I can.

The thing that kept us going was every day contact, strong feelings and TRUST! You really need to trust her if you want this to work.

Me and my bf are in a very serious relationship and I am moving with him to Wales in september when he goes to uni so we can be together.

Just follow your heart. If you really want this to work, then make it happen.

Former Member

Well if you ain't giving up the best job in the world - I say go for it. If it don't work out you can move back .. Sounds like you have potenitally more to gain then to loose.

Sometimes you can meet someone and in a week know they're the one for you!!

when you're old and grey you're gonna regret the things you never tried - i say it's better to give it a go and know for sure!!

Former Member

Originally posted by the_uk_mole
yeah sure Andy i am 28 why

Just out of interest really.

The best advice I could give is what some people have said above - wait for a while longer just to be sure that everything is right.

Former Member

Thanks very much Joolyknockers, Kinky boots and Diamond Geezer..I have tooken everyone else's comments on board and appreciate there opinions but your are the only three who have told me to go for it.

You are so right Diamond Geezer I don't want to be old and grey and regretting it...My job is dead end and boring i only stay cause of the cash. My family always tell me i would be welcomed back and my bosses said they might hold my job open for 3 months

Good luck in September Kinky Boots I hope it works out for you.

I take on board what everyone has said about waiting, its a good point...but i will have to follow my instincts...

thanks everyone for your advice

Former Member

Sometimes you just have to follow your heart. It's your life and if you make a mistake, it's your mistake. Personally, I'd do the same if she meant the world to me. If she makes you happy, go for it.

Good luck

Former Member

:eek2: I think ur mad for doing this when you've only been 2gether 3months and met on the net, but dont be paranoid, she wont be doing nethink just chattin.

Good luck to ya mate! :thumb:

Former Member

Hey,

I'm in a similar situation to you, I also met my boyfriend on the net, he lives 400 miles away from me, he's 27 and I'm 20, we've been together for 7 months and talking for nearly a year, we have both met each others parents.

I wouldn't move anywhere at the moment, and I also wouldn't ask him to, as we both have commitments where we are.

I would really think things through and make sure you are doing the right thing, as much as it might feel right, I think you should take a little more time before making such a huge step, as moving 200 miles from all your family and friends.

As for being paranoid, dont be, trust her. If you love each other then there has to be the trust especially with the distance.

If it is right then I hope everything works out for you both.