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Eating disorders

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Don't you think it's weird some people don't want to eat? And then when you try to rationalise with them they get angry... so they must be irrational = senseless = idiotic, more or less? I just wish I knew why some people did it because it's so :( to see someone you care about do it you know?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    not personally. i had an eating disorder for 9 years or so.

    it's only just dawning on me that that feeling which most people recognise as hunger means my body needs energy, not that i have achieved something.

    it's like self-harm- hard to understand unless you've gone through it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i guess its just that they seem so self-justified like "its fine its great i can do it you dont understand" in a way and :confused:

    I don't wanna see anyone get hurt - or worse! not even some people who annoy me :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it's easy for me to say 'oh, you won't understand', because i've been a part of this since i was 11, and the only people who understand how i feel about it is people who have body issues themselves.

    because it is ridiculous.

    i can look at myself in photos, and i can look at my own clothes and think, yeah, i'm pretty thin. but if i look down at my body, or if i look in a mirror, i see fat.

    even though i'm not. i know i'm not. it doesn't make sense, i know. but that's how my mind works.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It is very hard for people on the outside to understand...

    After talking to someone for hours and reading up on it all, you're still only so far from understanding it all.

    It's just painful to see someone try and destroy themselves when there is no need to do it and when you see they have so much potential and have no need to change the way they look. To know they're ill because they haven't eaten for a few days, and they know it too, and on one side they hate it but on the other they love it. To know the reason they sound down when you speak to them is because they've eaten a piece of bread and the only thing they can do to make themselves feel better is to be sick is horrible...but it's even worse for that person. :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by ElysiumUnknown
    It is very hard for people on the outside to understand...

    After talking to someone for hours and reading up on it all, you're still only so far from understanding it all.

    It's just painful to see someone try and destroy themselves when there is no need to do it and when you see they have so much potential and have no need to change the way they look. To know they're ill because they haven't eaten for a few days, and they know it too, and on one side they hate it but on the other they love it. To know the reason they sound down when you speak to them is because they've eaten a piece of bread and the only thing they can do to make themselves feel better is to be sick is horrible...but it's even worse for that person. :(

    i know :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you can only understand an eating disorder if you've had one, then it seems perfectly normal. the one thing people want is a body that they can accept themselves, and they'll do this anyway possible, they cant understand any other way of being beautiful or feeling good around other people.i cant speak for anorexics as ive never suffererd from it, but bulimia is about when you binge eat and then throw it all up, you feel a lot better about yourself, like you have achieved to not digest that, and you believe you wont get fat, its totaly normal to me how i eat and what i do
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've had an eating disorder for 8 years. I know people think I'm an idiot, I think it myself 99% of the time but really I'm not. It's hard to see yourself as worth any kind of help when so many people tell you that you 'do it to yourself, you have no one else to blame.'
    Logically I know I'm thin. I have doctors trying to hospitalise me, I have years of my life wasted being unable to walk up a flight of stairs but I can't even begin to explain the fear of any kind of 'recovery.'
    'Knowing' all the logic behind the disorder doesn't make it any easier to apply it to yourself. I could write a textbook about the friggin thing but I can't make myself better. I can appreciate the utter inability for others to grasp what it's all about.

    People with eating disorders aren't idiots. We're not all pampered middle class white girls who invent our own problems to our daddies will pay us attention. Some are, granted, but not all of us.

    One thing I will say is the simple biological fact that your mind process cannot be considered..competent, if you like a very low weights. There's no disguising that. Often the hardest part of the recovery process is actually starting it. Where the only thing you can do is eat - you can't even begin to try and do any of the inner bullshit wahwahnoonelovesme until you're medically stable.

    Add to the fact that the NHS is woeful with eating disorders. You literally have to be at deaths door in the majority of cases and even then resources are scarce, especially when you're over 18. The fact that the longer you have an eating disorder the harder it can be to recover, you have a lot of fucked up people in the system for years. It's a shit situation.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Smash, since you've had experience, what would you say would be the best thing someone could say to you? I mean, I just want my friends (/ acquantences) to recover a.s.a.p i mean it's not like they're properly ill it's just they don't eat all the time and. I wan't them to get into a healthy diet.... I know at the end of the day it's their body but I still care about them. What would you say to a sufferer if you were trying to stop making them suffering from it... :confused:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No I dont, but I hate the fact it exists, if that makes sense.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by TheShyBoyInTheCorner
    What would you say to a sufferer if you were trying to stop making them suffering from it...

    can only speak for myself, but there is nothing anyone said, did, or could have done to stop me.

    when they asked me to eat, i didn't. i just told them i would and started lying more about it.

    i had to come out of it by myself, because i had to want to get better. and the only person who could make me do that was me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by kaffrin
    can only speak for myself, but there is nothing anyone said, did, or could have done to stop me.

    when they asked me to eat, i didn't. i just told them i would and started lying more about it.

    i had to come out of it by myself, because i had to want to get better. and the only person who could make me do that was me.

    Yeah...

    My friend she says she wants help - she wants to see someone - and we want to help get the ball rolling, but would it be better if she phoned places rather than us all helping? I think it's just the fear of changing things and thus the possibility of eating normally again that is preventing her now.

    It's so hard. We've all said what we can a million times over and still it doesn't seem to fully register. I just wish her parents would be more involved. Her Dad can obviously see the marks on her arms and the way she refuses to eat but he still talks to her as if she's some kind of stupid, hopeless reject which makes her feel even worse. :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Needless to say this is all my opinion, not gospel so do feel free to ignore.

    Shyboy I can only second what kaffrin said - there's nothing you can say. Anyone who tried with me promptly got lied to, brushed off or ranted at. All you can do is be a friend. Body image wise - don't go there. You cannot/will not say the right thing so don't even bother. You can only help yourself and those who are seen to be 'gettting at' (irrational? unreasonable? moi?) you are usually avoided - I lost a lot of friends from my own doing. Just be as normal as you can - do normal things that friends do, it's all you can do.

    Elysium, I think it's something she needs to do for herself - few people one day wake up, decide to get better and never ever change their mind at some point. Feeling like someone else is making the moves for you can be terrifying and out of your control. She needs to take responsibility for herself sure, help and support or encourage her to see her gp, practise nurse, college counsellor etc. but you can't do it for her. It may well backfire
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When I was at the worst of my bulimia, there was nothing anyone could have said to make me stop, I LIKED what I did. It was the only way i could cope with eating. I still get it a bit, but nowhere near as bad as it was. I think that once you have an eating disorder, its always there at the back of your mind ready to surface at times of stress.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by rainbow brite
    I think that once you have an eating disorder, its always there at the back of your mind ready to surface at times of stress.

    yeah, i think that's true.

    you don't ever really get over it. even when you've been a healthy weight for however many years, and you know in your head that you would rather eat and stay alive than starve, even when you've got to the point where i am now, when you actually enjoy eating sometimes, it never goes away.

    you just learn to live with it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by rainbow brite
    When I was at the worst of my bulimia, there was nothing anyone could have said to make me stop, I LIKED what I did.

    same here, i feel better and proud of myself when i make myself sick, or when i skip meals. i like doing this because i feel better and i feel like i have achieved something.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by ~*STRESSED*~
    It really annoys me when people say 'ur not fat' but they are bound to say that arn't they? They aint gunna say 'yes u r fat'. I wish people would just speak the truth sumtimes.:(

    Yes, I'm sure you'd love it if someone called you fat. :rolleyes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by ~*STRESSED*~
    Its hard for someone who hasn't got or had an eating disorder to understand. My friends don't understand when I tell them about my eating. They refer to me as being 'stupid'. It hurts me because I am really concious about my weight. It really annoys me when people say 'ur not fat' but they are bound to say that arn't they? They aint gunna say 'yes u r fat'. I wish people would just speak the truth sumtimes.:(

    Maybe that is the truth, if everyone says you're not fat then maybe you're not. How tall are you and how much do you weigh? (even tho muscle/fat ratio comes into it...)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by kaffrin
    even when you've got to the point where i am now, when you actually enjoy eating sometimes, it never goes away.
    You're right! The feeling of guilt that you're doing something that you shouldn't be actually increases, therefore lowering your self-worth and regularly/occasionally throwing you right back to where you started.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    One of my cousins has been bulimic since she was 10. She's 28 now. That's EIGHTEEN years, and she hasn't stopped. Not a lot of people know about it (I'm presuming anyway or I would have known before July). She always seemed to me as not that kind of person. She's always bubbly, happy, and has loads of friends. And she isn't really skinny either. I don't understand it, I always thought that their family was great, they're all supportive and stuff. She knows it's a problem but she can't stop. That kinda upset me when she told me (at her sister's (my favourite cousin :)) wedding) because about a year before my other cousin told me that when she was younger she had tried (and nearly succeeded) to kill herself, and virtually NOBODY knows about that, just me and her now husband. But my point is, she knows she has a problem but she can't stop. I don't understand it, neither do a lot of people, the only people that understand are the people that have been or are going through it. But it's one of those things you gotta accept and help them through (even if it takes 18 years or more).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Does everyone here really think that someone who hasnt personally gone through it doesn't understand? What about someone whos been there and been to hospital with a sufferer and listened to how they view themselves and listen to how they hate eating and listen to what they will do to get out of it? Surely they understand a bit?

    I dont fully agree that not commenting on body image is the best idea, i still think the odd compliment now and again is good if its not OTT or sounds forced? Maybe a wow your hair looks nice today or you look really good in that skirt/top/jacket?

    I'm not sure though as I haven't had any sort of serious eating disorder myself or one which I'd count as serious.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Bomberman444

    I dont fully agree that not commenting on body image is the best idea, i still think the odd compliment now and again is good if its not OTT or sounds forced? Maybe a wow your hair looks nice today or you look really good in that skirt/top/jacket?

    I can only speak for myself, but I was talking more the "You're looking well" type stuff - mainly interpreted as "you've gained weight" type thing. But then compliments in general make me want run away and hide.

    And no, I've never known anyone who hadn't 'been there' who could even begin to understand. ASide from psychiatrists & whatnot on some levels. *shrug* Everyone is different - there are many eating disordered people I've met in hospitals etc. who plain ol' did my head in - I didn't realte to them at all. Different strokes for different folks and all that. You know your friends, all you can do is your best.
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