Anybody want to vent or chat about anything? (Triggering stuff edition) w/c 27.10.25

Leyla

This is a space to chat or vent about things which you think may be more triggering for the Community but still want to get off your chest.

Every Monday morning we will close the thread and start a new one so we have a fresh one each week. If you'd like to check out this week's venting thread that isn't triggering, click here.

Nemuritai

This might not be triggering but I'll put it here to be on the safe side. If I'm being honest, I've been feeling kind of depressed lately, although sometimes it feels more like background noise than an all-consuming thing. Other times it'll feel like a huge wave of sadness crashes over me and I can't do anything but cry until it passes. And while I'm safe and have never had any plans at all, sometimes I start thinking it would be better if I weren't here, because then the pain would go away. I won't go into a lot of detail but upsetting things have happened at home before with my brother (we don't get on and he doesn't speak to me at all these days, although I kind of prefer that) and even though they ended years ago, I still feel deeply hurt and angry and upset about them, and if I mention it to my parents they act like nothing happened and tell me I'm making it all up, which hurts as well. It's just a lot to deal with sometimes, and I feel so exhausted at the moment that tiny things seem really difficult. I have been making an effort to be nicer to myself recently though, and I've been working on self-care and taking time to do things to recharge, like warm cups of coffee and stretching. It's kind of hard because the voice in my head tells me I'm being lazy if I'm not constantly being productive, but I'm getting better at managing that.
That was a lot but I wanted to get it off my chest.

Lottie5433

I’m struggling right now and just want to push people away.

Peer support was cancelled again last week and this week I won’t be able to go due to work, I think I might just not turn up anymore and see what happens. Like all P (peer support group person) said would happen is that if I don’t show at group regularly or don’t let them know I won’t be attending then they will just wellbeing call me to check In as apparently I show a lot of “risk” - she said this when she told me that she spoke with my gp to only issue my meds weekly not monthly (which annoyed me because I wasn’t told this conversation was happening).

Struggling a lot with the self harm thoughts and the suicidal thoughts and going to group helped decompress this but like coz I haven’t been for 2 weeks soon to be 3 weeks I’m finding it hard to control the thoughts and like I want to engage with them just as a release.
I’ve been edging towards a crisis to a point where I wanted to go a&e but got scared and felt I’d be wasting their time so just stayed home sitting with my thoughts instead. I’ve tried SHOUT and like papyrus, Samaritans just everything really and still do t think I’ve got to a place that is back to my “normal”. I don’t want to see my GP about this they are useless and I keep getting passed to another gp when one gets fed up with me so no point in trying that.

I’m dreading the next week or 2 at work and am anticipating a confrontation from one of the employees based off a private comment I made to my boyfriend over a message that they read as she opened the message that I sent to my boyfriend - which we are both annoyed at. I’m just anticipating confrontation or nasty comments made which never goes well in my head as I internalise everything and then this leads to me punishing myself, turning off my location and just yeah.

I just kinda feel like giving up

Also had a conversation with my parents about me moving in with my boyfriend as he’s been offered staff accommodation- they are fine with this and we’re waiting for the conversation. In my head I want to move in with him but again I loose a “safety” net of that I can’t self harm when I’m with him and if I live with him I can’t do it because he will find out and it’s like the only way of coping that temporarily works. But then there is the aspect that I won’t have my dog with me all the time as we said due to his age he would live with my parents and me and my boyfriend would have him on our days off and when we can - which I’m a way breaks me because he’s what’s kept me going at times (now I’m crying thinking about all this too)

Like I’m just finding it hard to process a lot of this and am struggling not to hurt myself as a release for it all