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everything is so shit 💔

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Comments

  • eylaheylah Posts: 6,344 Master Poster
    @AnonymousToe no no you was rly kind thankyou! you’ve never been dismissive your always the kindest person ever ❤️

    tbh normally id spend it with my mum etc but this year i cant so tbh im just gonna be sat in my flat on my own listening to everyone else having fun. 💔💔
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸

    pfp made by me
  • eylaheylah Posts: 6,344 Master Poster
    edited December 2024
    just sat here thinking i rly dont want to fight anymore bc i dont im rly tired 💔 i miss my mum so much i just want to be with her 💔 i hate this time of year.

    * im not got any plans im safe *

    im going to go make some food to distract myself 😅
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸

    pfp made by me
  • Riley_2001Riley_2001 Posts: 57 Boards Initiate
    eylah wrote: »
    i just want this to stop 💔 constantly having suicidal thoughts its a shitty thing for me like i have no plans im safe but im fed up of living like this. why can’t they just fucking disappear?😖 ive had enough of waking up every day and constantly getting these shitty thoughts like ive done nothing to deserve it but i can’t handle it anymore 💔 why why why 💔 ( safe ). they seem to of got worse since mum has passed? idk if its hate or what but waking up every day and experiencing such pain is rly agonising bc i could be doing something nice for myself and they appear out of nowhere i just wanna cry bc im so tired of experiencing them. just wish i was superman and could get rid of them but im not. why can’t my life be back to normal when mum was alive 💔 its so tiring it rly is 💔

    im safe im just ranting bc im just sad 🥲 i hate this feeling so much but im going to do some colouring to distract myself.

    Hey @eylah Firstly, I hope you’re okay and feeling a little better over the past few days. Your pain is horrible to see and I’m sorry to read it all. I think you’re incredibly strong for continuing to push on no matter what you face. It requires more strength than we give credit for, you’re doing very well and I can’t imagine how difficult it must be. I’d like to add that, grief only exists because love and memories did first, it’s love persevering, just in a different way. Please be gentle with yourself and treat yourself with the kindness and softness that you deserve. You’re full of love and kindness; let it nurture you as it does for others. I know how difficult suicidal thoughts can be, I wanted to take my own life in January through to April this year, having the thoughts everyday. Ultimately, there’s too much stubborn hope within the human heart to give in entirely. I hope you can recognise your own strength and beauty within you like we all can. We are all here for you, no matter the circumstances. ☺️

    My forest welcomes your sad days too.
  • eylaheylah Posts: 6,344 Master Poster
    thankyou @Riley_2001 thats a beautiful reply thankyou it means a lot just having a breakdown but thankyou ❤️
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸

    pfp made by me
  • Riley_2001Riley_2001 Posts: 57 Boards Initiate
    @eylah You’re most welcome. I hope you’re okay. 🖤
    My forest welcomes your sad days too.
  • eylaheylah Posts: 6,344 Master Poster
    im not i cant stop crying & im just exhausted and fed up 😴
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸

    pfp made by me
  • shannon_164shannon_164 Community Champion Posts: 697 Incredible Poster
    @eylah i really hear how hard this is for you - sending so much love your way🩷

    i’m always here if you need someone, pls do message me if you want to🫶🏻
  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,587 Boards Guru
    Big hugs @eylah , thinking of you 🩷 I promise even if you’re physically alone, there are people who care 🫂
  • eylaheylah Posts: 6,344 Master Poster
    thankyou both so much!

    cried myself to sleep but i can hear ppl having fun and im now having another crying episode im physically exhausted i want this day to end already 💔
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸

    pfp made by me
  • shannon_164shannon_164 Community Champion Posts: 697 Incredible Poster
    @eylah i hear how hard things are feeling for you - i’m sending so much love your way🩷
  • eylaheylah Posts: 6,344 Master Poster
    edited December 2024
    just in bed non stop crying it actually hurts 💔
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸

    pfp made by me
  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,587 Boards Guru
    You’re doing so well @eylah im so sorry. Is there something you could distract yourself with?
  • eylaheylah Posts: 6,344 Master Poster
    AnonymousToe wrote: »
    You’re doing so well @eylah im so sorry. Is there something you could distract yourself with?

    not sure tbh i don’t think going out will be a safe option so just gonna stay in. 💔 i hope you are having a gd christmas ❤️
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸

    pfp made by me
  • briannatbriannat Inactive Posts: 114 The Mix Convert
    Hello @eylah <3

    I saw you made some food to distract yourself, what did you end up making? :)
    I know Christmas is over now, how was it for you? What did you end up doing? Was there anything that made you smile or at least feel a bit lighter?
    I know you are grieving your mum, and you have every right to. I imagine you have some of her qualities, and in some ways her legacy lives on in you. I'm so glad you're here despite how painful it is <3
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