Hospital called

Rose113

My mum got a call from the hospital at around 10, they said my grandma has deteriorated rapidly and all relatives need to get there.

Mum said someone will come get me if I’m needed but probably won’t be so I’ll be stuck at home alone

Sian321

Ah @Rose113 , I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. That sounds so frightening, to have to stay home and to not know what's happening.

Where do you feel you would ideally like to be at the moment? I wonder whether there is anything within your control that you could ask for, e.g. to ask for text updates from your mum so you're kept in the loop? Or maybe you're wanting space?

I know how much you care for your grandma, and I can imagine it's just heartbreaking to hear she's deteriorating. We're right here with you, @Rose113. Keep us posted

Rose113

@Sian321 im not sure I’m sorry

Sian321

@Rose113 that is completely okay - I recoignise just how overwhelming things are right now. You don't have to have any answers right now. We're here simply to listen and be with you in this. I'm sending the biggest hug, @Rose113

Rose113

@Sian321

Rose113

@Sian321 shes gone 😭😭😭 mum just got home and told me 💔💔

Sian321

Ah @Rose113 , I'm so very sorry. There are no words 💔 I know how much she means to you. She was and is incredibly important. I can imagine your head might be spinning right now, and I hope you can take all the time you need to process this, even though it may feel unprocessable right now. Whatever you're feeling, it's okay. Whatever you're needing, that's valid. We're right here on the other side of this screen

shannon_164

Rose113 wrote: »

@Sian321 shes gone 😭😭😭 mum just got home and told me 💔💔

sending you so so much love, i’m so sorry to hear that🩷

Rose113

Sobbing my heart out, the tears are never ending and I can’t keep up with wiping them away. Been told we’re going round to be with family in a bit but I can’t I can’t fucking deal with it. I just want to lock myself away. This is the worst grief I’ve ever felt, I feel so alone now I’ve lost the only person that has ever cared about me. My whole world has fell apart and my sh urges are bad but I don’t have anything to use either way so I’m just curled up in bed with Barney licking my face 💔 I new this day was coming but not this fast I thought it would be gradual. Apparently she past away peacefully with my grandad holding her hand. I’m glad I wasn’t there when she passed but also I’m angry that I couldn’t say bye 😭😭😭😭

Please just take this pain away 💔💔💔💔💔

shannon_164

aw @Rose113 ☹️ i’m not going to pretend i understand how you’re feeling in any way because i don’t, but i’m sending so much love your way🩷

even though you knew that this day was coming, of course it’s still going to be super difficult for you!! please take as much time as you need to get through this and look after yourself🫶🏻

Rose113

I’ve got so many stupid emotions coming up at once, I don’t like it 😭😭😭 anger, guilt, sadness 💔

Maybe this is all a dream and I’ll wake up from this horrible nightmare and she will still be here, she has to be, she can’t leave me 😭 I need her 😭😭😭

I just keep screaming into my pillow 💔🥺

shannon_164

@Rose113 i really do hear how you’re feeling☹️but i promise you that there is no emotion that you are feeling that is stupid - how you’re feeling is SO valid!!🩷

Rose113

My T-shirt and blanket are soggy and I’m a soggy mess yet the tears are still coming and I’ve got a headache and gone so dizzy and feel so confused 😭😭😭

Rose113

Probably gonna end up pathetically spamming this thread all day 😭💔

shannon_164

@Rose113 you’re not pathetic!! we care about you🩷 i’m always here if you need someone

Rose113

Being forced to be with family, I don’t want to be!!!!

Rose113

I told K that I’ve lost my grandma and he started ranting about the fact he’s cheated on his girl friend…are my feelings invisible ffs

Rose113

I told K that I’ve lost my grandma and he started ranting about the fact he’s cheated on his girl friend…are my feelings invisible ffs

shannon_164

i’m so sorry they done that @Rose113 - how you feel is super valid and does matter so much🩷

Orchid059

Hi @Rose113 I am so sorry for your loss it sounds like you were very close with her. Losing a loved one can be an incredibly difficult time and we all grieve in different ways so make sure you are patient and kind to yourself. If you don't want to be surrounded by family at this time that's understandable as sometimes people prefer to be within their own company.

Although it may feel incredibly difficult right now, with time that pain will soften, but for now just take all the time you need to grieve and process this for yourself.

I have attached some useful resources below if you need them.

Spoiler

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/bereavement/support-and-self-care/
https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/
https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/

We're here for you through this difficult time

Rose113

I’ve ran out of tears I don’t feel anything now

Orchid059

@Rose113 I can hear how incredibly hard this is for you at the moment. Feeling numb can be a normal symptom for those suffering from grief so you are not alone in how you are feeling. It is good to cry as it can allow us to come to terms with our emotions and release that tension we are holding. Running out of tears is also completely normal and is what happens when we go through intense periods of emotional distress. For the time being try and distract yourself by doing something nice whether that be watching something on the televison, having a nice warm bath, or doing something creative.

You are being so brave

briannat

Hello @Rose113

There are no words. We're all here with you while you feel this pain. If you need this space as a distraction you can do that or if you need this space to talk about exactly what you're feeling we're here for that too

Rose113

@briannat im sat with family at my aunts and uncles house and it’s just awkward

briannat

@Rose113 I can imagine, how are you passing time by? Are you talking with your family members? Are you texting anyone?

Rose113

@briannat there watching the football, I can’t keep distracted and in the back of my head my AGR is kicking in, I just want to go home and sleep

briannat

@Rose113 That sounds very tiring in every sense I hope you'll be able to rest soon and take your mind of things for a bit

Sian321

We're right here with you @Rose113

You've mentioned in the past that some things that have helped with AGR are playing on certain Apps, as well as certain comfort shows too. I wonder whether it would be possible to access these on your phone even while you're around family to help ground you?

I can imagine being at your aunt and uncles house when you're just exhausted and wanting to go home to rest now is really hard. Keep us posted

Rose113

@Sian321 not really don’t want to get caught when I have to act my age

Amy22

Rose113 wrote: »

@Sian321 shes gone 😭😭😭 mum just got home and told me 💔💔

Oh gosh I'm so sorry to hear that. That must be super tough on you right now, I cant imagine all the emotions you must be going through processing that. I'm always here if you ever want to chat 🫂🫂.

eylah

im so sry to hear abt your loss river im always here if you need to talk or anything ❤️