im trying to keep going 😕

Sian321

Hey @eylah , I've just read your message. What you went through last night sounds horrific, and no one has a right to ever treat you that way. That sounds extreamly distressing for you.

Can I check, do you feel safe this evening? What kind of support have you received since this happened?

The following places are here for you if you'd wanting support:

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/
https://www.childline.org.uk/
https://www.nspcc.org.uk/
https://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/speak-to-our-team/crisis-messenger

Keep us posted, @eylah . We're thinking of you and all you're coping with right now.

eylah

@Sian321 bc of my severe mh issues atm the solo officer doesn’t feel like doing a video evidence statment rn is helpful for me so she is gonna call cmht wednesday to get me help etc. then she is hoping thursday i do the video evidence statment. im safe the sargent and the solo lady has let police officers in community know to keep eye on me to keep me safe so im ok.

Orchid059

I am sorry that happened to you @eylah that's awful and no one should ever have to go through that. I'd just like to confirm whether the police are escalating this further with you? I know you mentioned they're no longer coming round to pay you a visit, but did they organise a follow- up check in with you because it's important to get this reported and get the support you need.

How are you feeling at this current moment? We are here to listen to you and you're not alone so we will be with you every step of the way

eylah

hi @Orchid059 they have out in a ppn high risk one but idk why bc i didjt say anything concerning. i did report it to police and been allocated a solo officer.

Orchid059

@eylah I think they are just taking extra precautions to make sure you feel safe and supported. I am glad to hear that they have assigned you a solo officer. How do you feel about that?

eylah

@Orchid059 im not rly sure i think im doing the video statment on thursday so im not rly sure how i feel abt everything . it’s just so much to handle rn but im just gonna make some dinner rn bc im starving but thankyou ❤️.

amy02

Gosh this must be so overwhelming to deal with @eylah we're here for you I hope your dinner was nice and that today has gone better for you

eylah

its gotten worse then gd unfortunately .

Sian321

Hey @eylah , just checking in. How are you doing this weekend? Thinking of you since you had the video statement on Thursday, and being connected to a solo worker too. I can imagine it's just so much to process. I hope that no matter what happened on Thursday you can show yourself kindness. We're here for you, Eylah, and I'm really wishing for things to get lighter for you soon

eylah

oh im doing absolutely a mazing ( not). im so done with life atm its not first time ive been r*p*d so im just so so fed up. i just wish i wasnt here i havent done the interview thingy bc of my safety and the solo women not happy with how i reacted last time ( was unsafe last time). so she wants help for me for afterwards before i do it. im just trying to find a call helpline ive used majority of them and they always make up excuses to not help me bc im calling so often. idk why but i dont feel like i can talk to samaritans bc of past but shout papryus etc dont wanna help they are always nasty. so idk i just trying to find a call helpline so i can talk to someone tonight.

TheNightmare

eylah wrote: »

oh im doing absolutely a mazing ( not). im so done with life atm its not first time ive been r*p*d so im just so so fed up. i just wish i wasnt here i havent done the interview thingy bc of my safety and the solo women not happy with how i reacted last time ( was unsafe last time). so she wants help for me for afterwards before i do it. im just trying to find a call helpline ive used majority of them and they always make up excuses to not help me bc im calling so often. idk why but i dont feel like i can talk to samaritans bc of past but shout papryus etc dont wanna help they are always nasty. so idk i just trying to find a call helpline so i can talk to someone tonight.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way right now, but I’m really proud of you for reaching out. You deserve to be heard and supported, and I know it can be frustrating when things don’t seem to help. Please don’t give up there are people who want to listen and support you. You are so strong for seeking help, and you don’t have to go through this alone. Please take care of yourself.

Sian321

Hey @eylah , thank you for letting us know. It sounds so overwhelming right now, and I'm sorry that you haven't been able to get through to a helpline just yet. I can hear how much you're trying to seek help and keep safe. It's horrible to hear that helpline staff have been nasty to you - that's not okay, and no one has a right to talk to you like that .

Can I ask, do you feel able to keep yourself safe this evening? Alongside trying to connect in with a helpline, is there anything else you can think of that might help you to feel safer in yourself?

May I also ask when you're next due to have contact with your solo worker? It's really positive to hear they're actively trying to arrange more support for you, @eylah . What you've had to endure recently is utterly overwhelming, and you're doing your very, very best to get through.

I totally echo what @TheNightmare 's said above - we're here for you

Sian321

I'll also put some further support options below here, @eylah if helpful...

There’s an organisation called Rape Crisis which offers emotional support and information for women and girls over the age of 16 years, who are survivors of rape or childhood sexual abuse. They also have self help resources available on their website www.rapecrisis.org.uk and can help you find your local Rape Crisis Centre. Some of their centres are also able to support men and boys. Their Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Line is open 24/7 every day of the year. You can call free on 0808 500 2222 or visit their website to start a free online chat. They also provide information on local Rape Crisis Centres. Most of their centres provide free, women-centred counselling. Some also provide counselling for girls, men and boys. Many of these centres provide specialist advice for people wanting to report to the police.

CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) is a suicide prevention charity on a mission to help people end their misery, not their lives. They provide life-saving services, information and advice to help anyone struggling with life navigate the issues that can make us feel miserable. They can offer practical ways to manage your mental health, and help you feel less alone by sharing stories of hope to show people there's a way forward. They have a helpline open everyday 5pm-midnight. You can call them on 0800 585858, Whatsapp them on +44 20 4587 6634, or use the webchat on their website. For more information you can go to www.thecalmzone.net.

The National Suicide Prevention Helpline supports anyone 18+ who is experiencing thoughts of suicide. They are there to provide support and listen to your feelings. Their lines are open everyday from 6pm until midnight, offering a safe haven for anyone who needs someone to talk to. You can call them on 0800 689 5652 or 0800 689 0880. To find out more information go to https://www.spuk.org.uk/national-suicide-prevention-helpline-uk/.

There is an NHS-approved app called Stay Alive which is a suicide prevention resource full of information and tools to help you say safe in a crisis. This can be used if you are having thoughts of suicide, or if you are concerned about someone else's thoughts. The app also links directly to local and national crisis resources. You can download the app from the Apple and Android app stores, and find more information by going to https://www.stayalive.app/.

There's a free mobile app called distrACT, it's available on the App Store (Apple) and Google Play (Android). The app gives you easy, quick, and discreet access to information and advice about self-harm and suicidal thoughts. The content has been created by doctors and experts in self-harming and suicide prevention. You can find out more here https://www.expertselfcare.com/distract/

How do those sound @eylah ? Are there any here you'd feel able to contact?

eylah

ill reply in min but i can keep safe yeah ❤️

eylah

im feeling rly exhausted idk what’s the matter with me but idk but everything seems rly impossible for me rn. Ik im here etc but idk ever since moving into my flat things have gotten rly bad and it’s just exhausting. Im waking up every day and crying bc im so emotionally done with everything and not sure how to cope. i reach out to everyone i can bc im ‘told to’ if im feeling suicidal or anything so i do but them calling police just makes everything worse bc ik they have confidentiality etc but when I told tell them stuff abt suicide idk why they seem it’s ok to call ambo or police especially if i dont say anything. i took the big step in calling a helpline tonight and managed to get through im so flat i called them bc she was lovely but idk i just feel like reaching out to ppl just makes everything seem so much worse but idk why . im so set for writing a ridiculous reply to this but idk i just feel so helpless. ( im safe ).

JMMV2005

@eylah I’m really sorry, It sounds like your going through a lot right now and your finding it hard to make sense of things, but trust me things will eventually become clear and you’ll learn how to manage your feelings, when your going through a lot your brain will try and figure out what to do desperately, and eventually you’ll figure out truths and answers that’ll help you improve your life, I know this because this is what happened to me, I was struggling and didn’t know what to do but after some time I started to figure things out and now the path ahead for me is clearer to me, you’ve just gotta keep going so you can reach this stage, which is easier said than done but you have the strength to do it because your still here with us, basically my point in a nutshell is if you keep going then eventually you’ll figure out how to start solving problems

I understand that when people are trying to give advice when your struggling it’s extremely hard to take on board when you feel so bad, however when you decide to take on board peoples advice it’s more helpful than you’d ever imagine and I know that from experience, I used to take on board no advice because I felt so hopeless but when I started to follow that advice it actually started helping, obviously it didn’t instantly solve all my problems but it was the first step in making things better

So keep posting on this website and don’t feel bad about it because we all want to help and it’s ok to need help, and just try to keep getting through life and taking on board advice and trying things people suggest, like I said it’s easier said than done but nevertheless your still capable of it

You’ve got the strength to do this I’m 100% sure of that and so is everyone else here