im trying to keep going 😕

eylah

im safe im just rly exhausted from everything everything i feel think do is just so hard. bc im so alone idk how to cope with how i feel anymore i have nothing. im trying my best every day but bc im so alone its not feeling gd enough it is just getting worse everyday.

everyday seems like a chore i am living in pain constantly i lost my best friend ( my mum ). i wish my life was different i rly do but nothing i do is working its just so hard to keep focus but i just cant keep suffering like this its so hard. 😣

im trying every day i rly am but every day its like a kick in teeth bc no matter what i do it is getting worse to live with not better its so hard it rly is my life is so painful rn im worth nothing nor is my life.

i know life has mishaps but its always being hard idk how to do anything im trying to do things i enjoy like drawing etc but even thats just taking up energy i dont have rn its like whats point 😕.

i am trying to think positive stuff rn i rly am like what do i want my future to be what do i wanna do but rn it seems like i have no future its so frustrating bc i am only 18 so i have my life ahead but its so hard battling these things in my head its soooo hard. im letting myself down my gp is even saying she doesn’t know how to help me bc everything is so hard but im trying so hard to keep going rn.

im safe

stardust444

@eylah im sending hugs❤️ even if i may feel like it i promise you are not alone. i hope you’re doing a little better now? is there anything you could do that could help distract you, maybe like a movie or music or anything like that ❤️

eylah

im not gd im just tired of everything i rly am thankyou @stardust444 it means a lot ❤️

Sian321

Hey @eylah , I'm sending you the biggest hug

I hear you're missing your mum so desperately right now, and truly it sounds devestating - missing your best friend in the whole world and for so much to have changed. It feels like you're dealing with the deepest heartache, and I'm so glad you could post here and let us know so we can be with you in this even a little bit.

You said you're completely exhausted, and it sounds like there's a part of you that really, really needs things to change now - you feel like you can't just keep suffering like this. It's not feasible or okay. And that is so, so valid. I can imagine it's potentially super overwhelming to hear your GP say that she doesn't know what to do, because you don't want to be stuck. What do you mean when you say you're letting yourself down? That sounds like a heavy thing to feel on top of everything else.

Keep us posted, Eylah. This is your community. You're doing so well reaching out to us and your GP

IsThisJustFantasy

you're very strong for getting through each day @eylah. It's okay to have bad days. Like @stardust444 mentioned you're not alone.

eylah

@Sian321 @IsThisJustFantasy thankyou both so much im feeling better rn just trying to keep going and not giving up ❤️

eylah

Sian321 wrote: »

Hey @eylah , I'm sending you the biggest hug

I hear you're missing your mum so desperately right now, and truly it sounds devestating - missing your best friend in the whole world and for so much to have changed. It feels like you're dealing with the deepest heartache, and I'm so glad you could post here and let us know so we can be with you in this even a little bit.

You said you're completely exhausted, and it sounds like there's a part of you that really, really needs things to change now - you feel like you can't just keep suffering like this. It's not feasible or okay. And that is so, so valid. I can imagine it's potentially super overwhelming to hear your GP say that she doesn't know what to do, because you don't want to be stuck. What do you mean when you say you're letting yourself down? That sounds like a heavy thing to feel on top of everything else.

Keep us posted, Eylah. This is your community. You're doing so well reaching out to us and your GP

i feel like im letting myself down bc i was expecting myself to be doing well rn but im just a big fat failure a girl who cant and isnt doing anything 😕 i hate feeling like this but its just how i feel abt myself which is hard bc i hate feeling like this. im just trying to keep going but its so hard 😕 thankyou sian.

eylah

woke up today thinking whats point i had enough of everything 😭.

Gemma

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this @eylah. It sounds like things have been weighing on you so heavily, especially with all the loss and loneliness you’ve been going through. It’s clear you're really giving your best each day, even though it feels like a struggle to just keep moving forward. That takes a lot of courage, even if it doesn’t feel like enough right now.

Losing your mum must be incredibly painful, and it's totally understandable that you'd feel alone and that every day is so hard to face. Grieving, especially someone so close, can take so much out of us, and it often feels endless - I can resonate with that feeling for sure. Have you had anyone to talk to about your mum and what she meant to you? Sometimes just being able to share those memories can help you feel a bit more connected to her, even if it’s hard at first.

I can see how difficult it is to hold onto hope when even things you once enjoyed, like drawing, feel draining. Is there anything small that sometimes helps, even a little? Maybe something that doesn’t need much energy but brings even a tiny bit of relief?

You're not letting yourself down and you're not a failure. Getting through each day when it’s this hard is already a huge achievement. It’s okay to feel lost at 18 - so many people do, even if they don’t show it. You’re not alone in that, and it doesn’t mean you’re failing.

eylah wrote: »

woke up today thinking whats point i had enough of everything 😭.

Can you let us know if you're feeling like you can keep yourself safe today? How might you look after yourself today?

eylah

ill reply full in min but im safe ❤️

eylah

going for walks help me a lot but rn im in so much pain i cant go to the river today so im just sat inside fighting suicidal thoughts listening to dad its horrible bc i feel bad reaching out to ppl especially the mix not bc i dont like it but bc i feel like i dont deserve support especially when other ppl are suffering more then me so i feel like im taking up time. ( i love the mix i love helping ppl and the mix has been so helpful for me). i am moving out tmr into my own flat but im rly scared ( i would make a post but idk which area of the community id post it). so today is been so hard for me and im just scared. sry for the long rant. thankyou @Gemma sry for not responding to your questions sooner just been crying and watching programs. i use the grief helplines i think @Aoife and maybe you posted and their helpful but i just feel bad for constantly reaching out to them bc i feel idk just my issues abt mum passing arent bad enough for reaching out to them but i do reach out to the helplines i was given by you mods. ❤️

Gemma

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time @eylah. Moving to your own flat is a big step, and it's natural to feel a mix of excitement and fear - it’s completely okay to have these feelings. And remember, reaching out for support doesn't mean you’re taking up space that someone else needs more. Your pain, your grief, and what you're going through are valid, and you are just as deserving of support as anyone else. It's a strength to reach out, and the fact that you've found resources that help, like The Mix and the grief helplines, shows that you're doing your best to take care of yourself, even on the hardest days.

Since posting helps, maybe sharing a thread about moving out within the Home, Law & Money section of the boards could be a good place. But there's no wrong space for reaching out. You’re not alone in this, and we really do care about you and are here to listen. Take it one step at a time.

You mentioned that you're fighting hard against those suicidal thoughts and I'm sending you so much strength @eylah. I know you mentioned earlier that you're feeling safe - is that still the case?

I'm hearing you have to stay inside today due to the pain you're in. How do you think you can take care of yourself this afternoon? Do you have any colouring books, or crafty bits, you could do? Or do you have a favourite tv show you could watch for a distraction?

Remember that if you're ever struggling to stay safe, please do reach out to these services below who are there for you:

Crisis Messenger (24/7) | text THEMIX to 85258
Samartians (24/7) | call 116 123 | email jo@samaritans.org
Papyrus (2pm-midnight) | call 0800 068 41 41 | text 07786 209 697 | email pat@payrus-uk.org
Supportline (hours vary) | call 01708 765 200
Childline | call 0800 11 11

eylah

Gemma wrote: »

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time @eylah. Moving to your own flat is a big step, and it's natural to feel a mix of excitement and fear - it’s completely okay to have these feelings. And remember, reaching out for support doesn't mean you’re taking up space that someone else needs more. Your pain, your grief, and what you're going through are valid, and you are just as deserving of support as anyone else. It's a strength to reach out, and the fact that you've found resources that help, like The Mix and the grief helplines, shows that you're doing your best to take care of yourself, even on the hardest days.

Since posting helps, maybe sharing a thread about moving out within the Home, Law & Money section of the boards could be a good place. But there's no wrong space for reaching out. You’re not alone in this, and we really do care about you and are here to listen. Take it one step at a time.

You mentioned that you're fighting hard against those suicidal thoughts and I'm sending you so much strength @eylah. I know you mentioned earlier that you're feeling safe - is that still the case?

I'm hearing you have to stay inside today due to the pain you're in. How do you think you can take care of yourself this afternoon? Do you have any colouring books, or crafty bits, you could do? Or do you have a favourite tv show you could watch for a distraction?

Remember that if you're ever struggling to stay safe, please do reach out to these services below who are there for you:

Crisis Messenger (24/7) | text THEMIX to 85258
Samartians (24/7) | call 116 123 | email jo@samaritans.org
Papyrus (2pm-midnight) | call 0800 068 41 41 | text 07786 209 697 | email pat@payrus-uk.org
Supportline (hours vary) | call 01708 765 200
Childline | call 0800 11 11

im trying to keep myself safe and not listening to these thoughts. thankyou for letting me know where to post i appreciate it gemma ❤️. i just did some tidying up to try clear my mind bc im just trying to distract myself bc i know that helps me.

eylah

im trying to get through tonight last night on dealing with dads abuse but its so hard and stressful bc everything is making me frustrated its so shit. im so mad at myself bc i have so much to pack and only few hours to do it in bc im being picked up early tmr im so frustrated rn💔. i hate myself i hate my life.

eylah

im in my new flat

eylah

idk but im rly struggling being by myself idk how to explain it but im happy being by myself but im just upset im just so lonely.

Sian321

Hey @eylah, thanks for keeping us posted. That sounds really hard, and it makes so much sense that while a part of you is enjoying the independence, it also feels very lonely to be on your own now. Both those things can absolutely be true at once, and it feels really huge that you're in your new flat now after all these months of waiting. It's such a big change, and it feels really special that we can be a small part of that with you here

When you're lonely, what do you feel you crave most or need?

Also, are there any little corners or bits of your new flat that you enjoy? I'd love to hear more about your new home if you wanted to describe it to us a bit

eylah

i bought butterfly bedding its so pretty but my kitchen is nice im just sat here just needing a hug bc im so alone im anxious being alone in my own flat had this guy stare at me constantly he weirded me out when was unpacking hw lives in same block as me im just so scared. i live right in town now but idk what to say abt my flat 😅. i just made my first dinner made. meatballs and spaghetti.

amy02

We're here for you @eylah and sending you virtual hugs I'm glad your pretty bedding is giving you some comfort and your first dinner sounds so yummy It can definitely be so unnerving to be in a new environment. Have you met anyone friendly in your block? Often other people who are just arriving will be feeling the same sort of mixed emotions and will be looking to make friends

eylah

no i havent been outside my flat bc im just so anxious and something happened last night and ppl was involved and it just stressed me out .

eylah

ppl calling 999 on me last night rly made me feel shit bc i was fine but i just cba with it 😕. - safe
they rang dad asking if im ok dad rang me rly angry but i blocked him now but it just upset me.

eylah

im rly not coping well was in hospital last night bc of stuff but that made me feel awful bc of what the nurses was saying abt me. then i got treatment done bc idk but i feel so alone rn i have no internet to do anything and im just sat here on my bed crying bc i am so so alone. i hate this . i hate everything. its so hard. im safe

eylah

im so so alone 😭😭

shannonxg_

hey @eylah 🩷

i’m so sorry to read what you are going through, i am always here if you need someone to talk to so pls feel free to message me if you want to!

hope you’re okay🫶🏻

eylah

i dont feel ok im just exhausted im just dealing with everything on my own it’s so hard. thankyou though

sinead276

hey @eylah - just wanted to say you're doing a super job managing all this on your own and myself (and i'm sure everyone else here) is super proud of you.

eylah

im rly not but thankyou

eylah

being in this flat is causing me more stress i hate it so much bc im just so tired and anxious.

Sian321

Hey @eylah , I just wanted to check in It feels like things have been super exhausting for you lately, and living alone in your new place has felt really weird and lonely at times. That makes so much sense, and I can really hear just how draining it is to have to adjust to everything completely changing all over again. It sounds like you're caught in an 'inbetween' space right now - your previous home with your dad didn't feel good and you had to leave, but your new flat also doesn't feel like 'home' yet. That's tiring.

When you're feeling anxious, what kind of thoughts race through your mind? Or maybe its more a feeling in your body?

I know for myself, when I feel lonely I really enjoy playing YouTube vlogs in the background because it helps me feel like I've got 'friends' around me. I wonder if that could be cosy for you too

Sending hugs, @eylah. I'm glad we can be here for you in this way.

eylah

im even more anxious now bc last night i was sa by a male. ( im safe police involved). they coming today again to check in with me. i hate it here i rly do i want to move 😭😭.

eylah

nvm they arent coming tbh im glad bc im done with police its stressing me out.