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Feeling sorry for this guy

TheNightmareTheNightmare Posts: 2,133 Boards Champion
edited October 3 in Sex & Relationships
This guy who runs football invited everyone in their group chat for a Christmas do, but only two people are interested, as the group chat is more for planning football matches. Also, it's not really a social group; it's just a few people who play football together, and I don't think they know each other much other than through football. I think the guy trying to arrange the do put in loads of effort and just wanted to maybe make friends, so he kept me up a bit because I felt sorry for him putting in all that effort for no one to be interested. My friend was asking me if I wanted to go with him and told me about how this guy was trying to arrange a Christmas do, and no one responded for hours. A bit later, two or three people responded to the poll saying "maybe," but that was out of about thirty people, and that was it.


I could most likely go with my friend if I wanted to; I'm just hesitant, as it's expensive. The guy wants to do a restaurant meal, which he said would be £30 alone, then he wants to do drinks at a pub on top of the meal, so it's all not going to be cheap. It also depends on my friend, who I don't think is fully interested, to be honest, so it would be awkward for me to go on my own since I don't go to the football and have never met the football group. I only know because my friend offered me to come and tells me about it. At the same time, I feel bad. I was struggling to sleep because I felt bad for the guy; he put in effort trying to organize a Christmas do, and not many people are interested. I think I feel sorry for the guy trying to organise it because I have had similar issues like I had birthday parties or trying to organise something when I was younger and not many people coming, it can be upsetting. It is obviously up to people weather they come or not but it sucks when you try to organise something but no one wants to do it, I can imagine so much worse when you put in effort like this football guy, I was also thinking maybe he might not have any friends and trying to make some but it's not working which makes me feel even more bad.

Post edited by TheNightmare on

Comments

  • amy02amy02 Moderator Posts: 330 The Mix Regular
    Hey @TheNightmare I can hear you are worried about this and I hope it's not too late to answer :3 You are such a kind and empathetic person to be wondering how that guy must be feeling - it can definitely be a bit uncomfortable if you try to arrange things and nobody seems interested. I, like you, know what it's like to be in that sort of situation.

    Perhaps if you and your friend are still interested, you could privately message that person? Maybe you could even suggest doing some other activity which is less expensive than the restaurant? As you say, it could help that person make some new friends <3

    Let us know how it goes!
  • TheNightmareTheNightmare Posts: 2,133 Boards Champion
    amy02 wrote: »
    Hey @TheNightmare I can hear you are worried about this and I hope it's not too late to answer :3 You are such a kind and empathetic person to be wondering how that guy must be feeling - it can definitely be a bit uncomfortable if you try to arrange things and nobody seems interested. I, like you, know what it's like to be in that sort of situation.

    Perhaps if you and your friend are still interested, you could privately message that person? Maybe you could even suggest doing some other activity which is less expensive than the restaurant? As you say, it could help that person make some new friends <3

    Let us know how it goes!



    @amy02 Thanks so much for your kind words and advice! I really appreciate it. I think you're right it can be tough when plans don’t come together, but reaching out privately could definitely make things a bit easier. I’ll try messaging and maybe suggest something more casual, as you said. Hopefully, it helps them feel more comfortable. I'll keep you updated!


  • JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,577 Part of The Furniture
    Building on what @amy02 said @TheNightmare, communication can really help in these situations. Being left to wonder why nobody is coming to your thing is rubbish, because we tend to assume it's about us and it feels awful. But with what you described above, it sounds like there could be a lot of reasons why people aren't RSVP'ing to this event.

    You mentioned money (that's huge for people right now), but it may also be that they sent the information out in a way where people are unlikely to see/remember it, it may be that they don't have the right interpersonal connections in the group, maybe the timing is bad. There's a lot that might be behind the lack of interest, so exploring that with him might be helpful. :)

    I agree with Amy though that it's incredibly kind of you to be thinking about him, and it's lovely that you can empathise with this situation and want to help him out.
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    The truth resists simplicity.
  • TheNightmareTheNightmare Posts: 2,133 Boards Champion
    JustV wrote: »
    Building on what @amy02 said @TheNightmare, communication can really help in these situations. Being left to wonder why nobody is coming to your thing is rubbish, because we tend to assume it's about us and it feels awful. But with what you described above, it sounds like there could be a lot of reasons why people aren't RSVP'ing to this event.

    You mentioned money (that's huge for people right now), but it may also be that they sent the information out in a way where people are unlikely to see/remember it, it may be that they don't have the right interpersonal connections in the group, maybe the timing is bad. There's a lot that might be behind the lack of interest, so exploring that with him might be helpful. :)

    I agree with Amy though that it's incredibly kind of you to be thinking about him, and it's lovely that you can empathise with this situation and want to help him out.

    @JustV I totally agree. Communication can clear up so much, especially when it's easy to assume the worst. There could be many reasons people aren't responding—money, timing, or just how the invite was shared. Talking it through with him might help. It’s really kind of you to show empathy and offer support; that alone can make a big difference!

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