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The past week
TheNightmare
Posts: 2,142 Boards Champion
I wanted talk about the past week and I feel like its been harsh, im having a tough time atm but this has been a even harder week. I was told on Monday I have been put on the wrong programme potentially as the programme for getting into work so I felt like I wasted my time on a programme that isn't even right for me. I was a bit frustrated with it because thinking all that time I have been on the wrong programme but my work coach said that it's not been a waste of time being on the programme as I have made progress on it like I'm getting more help getting my CV better, I've done confidence-boosting courses which I needed for work, I feel a bit more confident and I felt a bit more like I'm being productive as instead of just being at home, I would be getting up to do something even though they were short like 2 to 3 hours it was something. So I realised its not been a waste, I apoligised to my work coach for getting fustrated twice 1 in person and on text too, I said thanked her for her support both times and also shes leaving so I wished her best of luck in her new job too and I said goodbye to her. Its been a shame shes leaving too as I think having someone for a bit of time you build a relationship with them too also Im a man so I don't think its wrong at all that I found her physically attractive too, this was the case, I think its only natural. It was always a work focused relationship like we didn't have a general chat or anything, like I think that would have been nice to have that in appointments and I can't have that now as shes leaving. Its really possible that I might not see her ever again. I know nothing would have happened between us but I enjoyed having her as my work coach so its sad to see her leave. Then I the normal stress of job hunting has been tough which has been so stressful as it is.
A few days ago my uncle found out things like I have no GCSEs and he also said prior to that about my cousins graduating and he said I'm letting down the family. Then later found out I have no GCSEs as I called him to clear things up but it ended up in me feeling worse as he found out I had no GCSEs so he said that I'm going to be in this position all my life in that case, which was bad because what was getting me through all of this was there's light at the end of the tunnel. By that I mean I get a job which will fund my goals, but hearing that I will never get a job, it was like my biggest fear coming true. The thoughts of just being unhappy all my life, of potentially being homeless as if I don't ever have a job it's going to be a struggle to fund basic housing accommodation like I don't want to be homeless or out of work long term.
I've been not working properly since finishing college and it's been really tough at times, just the stigma of being out of work, being bored at home, money struggles, guilt, demotivation. To be fair, I was meant to be doing this other thing during this time in terms of work, I'd rather not say in detail about it but it wasn't really working out, I wasn't busy during my days then. I realised maybe this time last year that it's not really working what I was doing like it's properly not working, I shouldn't have bothered with it at all. I ended up thinking I need to get serious about a job so I ended up going on this programme I'm on to help me into work.
I had an appointment where they asked what I was interested in. One of the options was forklift truck driver. The programme said they can fund a training course for that so I got booked in with a work coach who I had appointments with, told her what I want to do, then I ended up finding a training centre for forklift driving, and I got it funded by the programme. When we found the training centre I thought I have some hope like this is my opportunity to get into a new career and it's driving a vehicle which I'm interested in. It's also not bad pay so I thought I was feeling like I'm getting somewhere finally. Then I flopped it and I ended up back to square one. It was upsetting, this was at the start of this year, like during December time when the training got booked. I thought I got a great opportunity and I thought 2024 was going to be my year then when it got to it, I absolutely flopped it. I got sent home and I just got home obviously upset. It wasn't good, all of that just to flop it. I had to tell my work coach about failing with it and we had to figure out the next steps about if I needed to get a different job but my confidence was knocked which I probably need for a job. So I went on a confidence-building course at college, I got some courage just to apply to some jobs and just been applying ever since, not got anything yet. I had 2 interviews but didn't get the jobs. So just not getting anything yet with work, it's just been getting me down. Then having a difficult week like it's been so hard and horrible at times. I have been struggling mostly alone with it all too, it's been hard to keep sane and realise there's light at the end of the tunnel because I have been feeling like this for so so long and even before all of this I have been to college where I wasn't too happy either. Then other things like I didn't drive so I used to get down about it and I worried I'll never drive then by the final year at college I finally was able to drive to college but then I felt just behind for being at college as I was a bit older than other students. I felt behind anyway during my whole college time and I was always worrying about everything. I felt behind for being on the lowest courses when I first started.
That's been a lot of my journey since finishing school, it's been very tough and I'm not going to say it's not my fault like maybe I could have done stuff differently but I think there are stuff that weren't maybe my fault too. Either way I still think it's been harsh. Mostly the past 2 years just not doing much and nothing working out. I just want to get sorted at this point, it's been going on too long.
A few days ago my uncle found out things like I have no GCSEs and he also said prior to that about my cousins graduating and he said I'm letting down the family. Then later found out I have no GCSEs as I called him to clear things up but it ended up in me feeling worse as he found out I had no GCSEs so he said that I'm going to be in this position all my life in that case, which was bad because what was getting me through all of this was there's light at the end of the tunnel. By that I mean I get a job which will fund my goals, but hearing that I will never get a job, it was like my biggest fear coming true. The thoughts of just being unhappy all my life, of potentially being homeless as if I don't ever have a job it's going to be a struggle to fund basic housing accommodation like I don't want to be homeless or out of work long term.
I've been not working properly since finishing college and it's been really tough at times, just the stigma of being out of work, being bored at home, money struggles, guilt, demotivation. To be fair, I was meant to be doing this other thing during this time in terms of work, I'd rather not say in detail about it but it wasn't really working out, I wasn't busy during my days then. I realised maybe this time last year that it's not really working what I was doing like it's properly not working, I shouldn't have bothered with it at all. I ended up thinking I need to get serious about a job so I ended up going on this programme I'm on to help me into work.
I had an appointment where they asked what I was interested in. One of the options was forklift truck driver. The programme said they can fund a training course for that so I got booked in with a work coach who I had appointments with, told her what I want to do, then I ended up finding a training centre for forklift driving, and I got it funded by the programme. When we found the training centre I thought I have some hope like this is my opportunity to get into a new career and it's driving a vehicle which I'm interested in. It's also not bad pay so I thought I was feeling like I'm getting somewhere finally. Then I flopped it and I ended up back to square one. It was upsetting, this was at the start of this year, like during December time when the training got booked. I thought I got a great opportunity and I thought 2024 was going to be my year then when it got to it, I absolutely flopped it. I got sent home and I just got home obviously upset. It wasn't good, all of that just to flop it. I had to tell my work coach about failing with it and we had to figure out the next steps about if I needed to get a different job but my confidence was knocked which I probably need for a job. So I went on a confidence-building course at college, I got some courage just to apply to some jobs and just been applying ever since, not got anything yet. I had 2 interviews but didn't get the jobs. So just not getting anything yet with work, it's just been getting me down. Then having a difficult week like it's been so hard and horrible at times. I have been struggling mostly alone with it all too, it's been hard to keep sane and realise there's light at the end of the tunnel because I have been feeling like this for so so long and even before all of this I have been to college where I wasn't too happy either. Then other things like I didn't drive so I used to get down about it and I worried I'll never drive then by the final year at college I finally was able to drive to college but then I felt just behind for being at college as I was a bit older than other students. I felt behind anyway during my whole college time and I was always worrying about everything. I felt behind for being on the lowest courses when I first started.
That's been a lot of my journey since finishing school, it's been very tough and I'm not going to say it's not my fault like maybe I could have done stuff differently but I think there are stuff that weren't maybe my fault too. Either way I still think it's been harsh. Mostly the past 2 years just not doing much and nothing working out. I just want to get sorted at this point, it's been going on too long.
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Comments
Hey @TheNightmare so sorry to hear you've had a particularly bad week, it sounds like you have so much going on and I hope it helped to get some thoughts written down
I'm sorry to hear you got placed on the wrong programme, but well done for reaching out to your work coach and getting it sorted. Although it's probably a little inconvenient, I'm sure there will definitely have been some things you've taken from the experience.
It really sounds like you're taking some positive steps to move forward in your careers search and you should definitely be proud of that
It must have been difficult to hear what your uncle said, but having no GCSEs definitely shouldn't define you, your future or your worth. Many people go on to succeed without 'traditional' qualifications, and that can definitely be you too.
I know it can be really hard not to compare yourself with others, but really everyone is on their own time scale. There may be some things which have taken you a little longer, but also other things that you actually did before some of your peers. As you mentioned with the driving, you did get there in the end and I'm sure you will too with your career.
I hope this has been somewhat helpful - we all really believe in you and there will definitely be light at the end of that tunnel. Keep going and look after yourself by finding ways to take the pressure off when you need to.
Remember we are always here to listen
Good response, I appreciate it as always.