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My gran stayed over, told me a few stories of my mother, I don't even know what to think(TW neglect)
Distraction
Posts: 453 Listening Ear
It might help to write this out, so I am
My dad picked his mum up to stay for a few nights, we hardly see her, she stays down south, this is the first time I'm seeing her, since I've mentally matured a bit
I talked to her all afternoon while we were alone, she started talking about my mother, how she remembers beach towels being used as curtains, how my sister would (rarely) go to stay with my gran and how it would be late at night and my sister would say she hadn't had dinner yet, my gran also said that my sister told her that she had to make her own breakfast and that my gran was shocked because she was still young (unsure of actually age)
My gran told me, when she went to stay with my mother, when my mother was pregnant with me, that my gran looked after my sister everyday, not knowing my mother was going to the shops to get alcohol, until she caught her taking out the cans one morning, she said she darn't say anything about it though
She said my mother and sister went to visit her one day and my gran asked my sister what she wanted to do when she grows up and my mother butt in saying she doesn't need to work, the council will look after her
She told me how my sister told the lady vicar at the church that our mother had a problem (my sister was reaching out and this killed me, she actually told someone, I never knew this, I almost started crying lol, how brave, how fucking brave, what a kid) so the vicar talked to my mother and she denied it of course, my gran, who was there at the time, said again that she darn't say anything
My grans partner worked as a bin man and he collected our bins, she told me how he had to come into the garden because my mother never put the bins out, she said that he said, that he could always hear the bottles rattling
She said she always thought of us poor kids, to have a mother like that
But she always kept saying that she didn't want to say anything and I get it, it's uncomfortable confronting a mothers parenting but why, why didn't you say anything, you could have saved so much from happening, of course it's not all on her shoulders, it might not have helped anything, it might have made things worse, but in the end, it's just another person who let us down, didn't fight for us and I know you could argue that she tried to be there and she did to a degree I suppose, but I never remember her place being somewhere to run to, never remember it being a safe place or even thinking about it, we weren't that close, I barely remember her in my childhood to be honest
She told me how my mother bought a whole chicken once but never cooked it, left it in the fridge until it went bad and just threw it out, she said she did that a lot, she would either leave food to go bad or never buy food
She said she never met someone who could drink as much as she could
Funny thing is, my gran, didn't even know the half of it, my sisters beatings, the nightmares, the death threats, all the rest of it, makes me laugh a little of what she thought was bad, didn't even scratch the surface or maybe she just didn't want to look any further
When my dad came back home, I told him what my gran said, apparently he didn't know, I laughed about it so, so did he, we didn't really talk about it
I feel a little unsettled, I don't know where I stand with this new information
My gran, the vicar, including school teachers, social services, police, neighbours, strangers at bars when we had to drag her home, none of them, not one, thought it might be a good idea to look twice
My sister even asked for help in a fashion, the guts that took
I think I feel reluctant, maybe reluctant to feel, I don't know but reluctant seems like the right word and maybe angry, a little sad
Thanks for reading if you have
My dad picked his mum up to stay for a few nights, we hardly see her, she stays down south, this is the first time I'm seeing her, since I've mentally matured a bit
I talked to her all afternoon while we were alone, she started talking about my mother, how she remembers beach towels being used as curtains, how my sister would (rarely) go to stay with my gran and how it would be late at night and my sister would say she hadn't had dinner yet, my gran also said that my sister told her that she had to make her own breakfast and that my gran was shocked because she was still young (unsure of actually age)
My gran told me, when she went to stay with my mother, when my mother was pregnant with me, that my gran looked after my sister everyday, not knowing my mother was going to the shops to get alcohol, until she caught her taking out the cans one morning, she said she darn't say anything about it though
She said my mother and sister went to visit her one day and my gran asked my sister what she wanted to do when she grows up and my mother butt in saying she doesn't need to work, the council will look after her
She told me how my sister told the lady vicar at the church that our mother had a problem (my sister was reaching out and this killed me, she actually told someone, I never knew this, I almost started crying lol, how brave, how fucking brave, what a kid) so the vicar talked to my mother and she denied it of course, my gran, who was there at the time, said again that she darn't say anything
My grans partner worked as a bin man and he collected our bins, she told me how he had to come into the garden because my mother never put the bins out, she said that he said, that he could always hear the bottles rattling
She said she always thought of us poor kids, to have a mother like that
But she always kept saying that she didn't want to say anything and I get it, it's uncomfortable confronting a mothers parenting but why, why didn't you say anything, you could have saved so much from happening, of course it's not all on her shoulders, it might not have helped anything, it might have made things worse, but in the end, it's just another person who let us down, didn't fight for us and I know you could argue that she tried to be there and she did to a degree I suppose, but I never remember her place being somewhere to run to, never remember it being a safe place or even thinking about it, we weren't that close, I barely remember her in my childhood to be honest
She told me how my mother bought a whole chicken once but never cooked it, left it in the fridge until it went bad and just threw it out, she said she did that a lot, she would either leave food to go bad or never buy food
She said she never met someone who could drink as much as she could
Funny thing is, my gran, didn't even know the half of it, my sisters beatings, the nightmares, the death threats, all the rest of it, makes me laugh a little of what she thought was bad, didn't even scratch the surface or maybe she just didn't want to look any further
When my dad came back home, I told him what my gran said, apparently he didn't know, I laughed about it so, so did he, we didn't really talk about it
I feel a little unsettled, I don't know where I stand with this new information
My gran, the vicar, including school teachers, social services, police, neighbours, strangers at bars when we had to drag her home, none of them, not one, thought it might be a good idea to look twice
My sister even asked for help in a fashion, the guts that took
I think I feel reluctant, maybe reluctant to feel, I don't know but reluctant seems like the right word and maybe angry, a little sad
Thanks for reading if you have
3
Comments
More than anything, that you feel let down by her as it feels she didn't fight for you - if she had a safe space for you to have gone to or had you just been closer. It sounds really unsettling for you, to not know what to do with this information except to laugh it off. You have done particularly well to reach out to us given how uncomfortable this feels for you.
The other people, professionals, too who may have had an impact if they had just thought to think twice. It is really positive to hear you recognise your sister's courage and both of your feelings are valid here. I can see the courage and strength you and your sister have, this can't have been easy for either of you. What would you like to happen now, moving forwards?
If it hadn't bothered you until now? Why do u need to know this? Just thinking what may be going through ur mind.
I'm so sorry.
Sending love n strength 💪 ❤️