Just a rambling vent

I feel so much anxiety right now for no reason. It’s probably got something to do with the fact that it’s 4am 😂 but still. Now I’m worrying that I can’t sleep because we have plans for tomorrow. I just want to calm down!!
Something that’s bothering me right now is trying to work out what the hell is going on with my medication. I’ve been taking an SSRI for a little over a year, and I got the dose increased 4 months ago. But it still seems like I haven’t adjusted yet?? It’s weird because when I first started taking it, it didn’t take this long to adjust. I dont know if there’s a difference once you’ve been taking an SSRI for a while. I’m so scared it’s not even gonna help anymore. Sometimes I just feel really lonely or anxious or just plain weird for no real reason and I can’t work out if it’s the medication. My life is supposed to be so easy right now - it’s really confusing. There’s nothing to worry about. I don’t need to get up for school, the plans tomorrow aren’t serious or important, there’s only one thing I have to do and if it didn’t get done it would just be annoying. Nothing seriously bad is going to happen but I feel like it is. The only other time I can remember feeling like this was last year when I first started my SSRI. I just don’t understand how I could still be getting used to a new dose after 4 months - that seems way too long.

I’m so worried about other people too - I want you all to be okay and I wish I could magic all your struggles away!! I feel bad for needing to vent myself. I’m relatively alright and I don’t really think I belong here. I’m terrible at supporting people (I never know what to say) and I don’t think my own struggles are serious enough really.

I don’t even know what I’m talking about. My brain isn’t working because I’m so tired, but still the anxiety won’t go away. I think I’m making a fuss about nothing but I feel like I’m going crazy. I hate late night anxiety!!

Sorry for all this nonsense 😂

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Comments

Former Member

Hi @AnonymousToe, thank you so much for sharing what you are going through, and you have no need to apologise - your thoughts and feelings are valid and important!

We are all here for you to listen and support you through it.

I'm sorry that you were having trouble sleeping, it's so hard when anxiety prevents you from drifting off, I know from experience how difficult that can be. Getting a good night's sleep can really help when you're feeling low and there are some tips in this article that might help: https://www.themix.org.uk/mental-health/looking-after-yourself/how-can-i-sleep-better-at-night-45157.html

It's really important that you've recognised that you might be having challenges with your medication. It can take a while to adjust to a new dose of SSRIs, but if you are not sure then you should contact your GP and they will be able to talk it through with you and prescribe a different dose for you if that's what you need.

It sounds like you are finding it tough to adjust to the changes in your life at the moment, and especially the lack of structure after finishing school. This can be really tough and you are not alone in feeling this way! A lot of people find change hard and it's really normal to find things strange for a while after school has ended. What do you enjoy doing? Finding a hobby or a cause to get behind can be so helpful as you will have something you care about to focus on and will meet people who share the same interests as you

You could try volunteering, getting involved in activism or joining a local sports team/dance class/book club for example.

It sounds like you are a really caring person as even though you are going through a lot, you are still thinking of others and wanting to help people on the community. I just wanted to acknowledge that

I hope this helps and keep reaching out on this space as it really helps to talk these things through and remind yourself that you are not alone

Gemma

Hey @AnonymousToe I just wanted to reiterate what @HollyPearl shared above in that please don't apologise for venting or sharing your feelings with us. We really appreciate your trust in opening up and your honesty.

It can be really tough when anxiety prevents us from getting to sleep. Sometimes if we haven't wound down from a busy day, when we finally get into bed, the darkness and quiet means our brain finally has time to think. But I've also experienced those times where you subsequently become anxious about not getting enough sleep! As well as the article that @HollyPearl shared above, there is also a blog by Mind that I found helpful, written by someone who has experienced something similar and there is also a video diary that you might like to watch: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/your-stories/sleeping-with-anxiety/

We would always encourage you to speak to your GP about your medication too. They should be able to have a chat with you about what you're experiencing and your options.

AnonymousToe wrote: »

I’m so worried about other people too - I want you all to be okay and I wish I could magic all your struggles away!! I feel bad for needing to vent myself. I’m relatively alright and I don’t really think I belong here. I’m terrible at supporting people (I never know what to say) and I don’t think my own struggles are serious enough really.

Can I ask what makes you feel as though you don't belong here?

Please never feel like your struggles aren't serious enough to be discussed here - nothing is too small to share and you are always welcome to use this space to vent and seek support from others. It's what we're all here for.

It's so lovely that you care deeply about the wellbeing of everyone here too. But it's totally normal to have a twitch of exhaustion when someone shares their struggles and we're riding the Struggle Bus ourselves, especially if we're feeling some empathy burnout.

Knowing how to support someone when we're carrying our own burdens isn't easy. However, supporting others can be really positive and empowering and we know that the urge to show up for other people doesn't just go away because we're struggling necessarily. This is one of the reasons we wrote up this thread 'Helping each other' which you may like to have a read through - https://community.themix.org.uk/discussion/3540610/helping-each-other

We wouldn't want you to put any pressure on yourself to support others when you're struggling yourself though so it's important that you're looking after yourself right now.

Are there any self-care techniques you've found that can help you to switch off?

AnonymousToe

Hi @HollyPearl and thank you for replying

I have terrible sleeping habits 😅. I often get lonely at night so I’m constantly trying to distract myself from that until the second I fall asleep. I’m not sure what it is but being in a dark room just makes me lonely.
The trouble with finding a hobby is my social anxiety that kind of stops me from going out and experimenting things or meeting people. I want to try some hobbies I can do alone at home and hopefully that will help me, but it’s difficult because the things I can do in my life right now are very limited. That’s a bit depressing too.

AnonymousToe

Hi @Gemma thank you.
I know the most sensible thing to do about my medication is to talk to the GP but there are a few problems. It’s really difficult to get an SSRI when you’re under 25, and I had to wait so long before I could try it. I’m so scared it’s going to get taken away. I’d rather just wait out all the little annoyances because it might be better. The doctor who prescribed it to me has since left, so I don’t know if another doctor would even agree with the prescription in the first place, and I don’t really want to have to admit just how awful I found the first month or so after I had my dose increased. I’m scared they’d decide it was too serious to even keep me on the medication. It’s been such a struggle to get any help over the past few years and I’m just constantly afraid I’ll be left with nothing again.

I think I don’t belong here because my struggles are nothing compared to what a lot of the community is going through. I just feel like I’m wasting people’s time, because there are people out there who need and deserve support a lot more than I do. I don’t want to take that away from people by wasting space here.

(When I click the link for the ‘helping each other’ thread you’ve shared, it says I don’t have permission to view it? Is that me doing something wrong?)

As for trying to switch off, I usually just write out how I’m feeling before bed and that can help. I struggle to ever fully switch off though.

JJLemon18

AnonymousToe wrote: »

I’m so worried about other people too - I want you all to be okay and I wish I could magic all your struggles away!! I feel bad for needing to vent myself. I’m relatively alright and I don’t really think I belong here. I’m terrible at supporting people (I never know what to say) and I don’t think my own struggles are serious enough really.

You absolutely belong here @AnonymousToe never invalidate your own struggles and feelings! And even if you weren't struggling at all then there's nothing bad about staying here, we always appreciate extra company, extra listening ears, and extra toes

AnonymousToe wrote: »

I don’t even know what I’m talking about. My brain isn’t working because I’m so tired, but still the anxiety won’t go away. I think I’m making a fuss about nothing but I feel like I’m going crazy. I hate late night anxiety!!

Sorry for all this nonsense 😂

This genuinely feels like reading one of my own 3am posts xD its cool! Hope venting that out has helped you fall asleep. Do you go late to sleep or do you struggle actually falling asleep for so long? Cause maybe you could try going to bed earlier to avoid this midnight anxiety?

Sending big hugs

always here if you need!

Gemma

@AnonymousToe that sounds like a really sticky situation with your medication and feeling able to contact the doctors about it. Your health is most important and if you feel the side effects aren't going away or you're still feeling uneasy after a while, it might be best to seek some medical advice on what would be best for you, this could be from somewhere like NHS 111 or a pharmacist even. You might like to check out places like NHS Go which is an app for young people that gives information about health, rights and services nearby.

AnonymousToe wrote: »

I think I don’t belong here because my struggles are nothing compared to what a lot of the community is going through. I just feel like I’m wasting people’s time, because there are people out there who need and deserve support a lot more than I do. I don’t want to take that away from people by wasting space here.

I'll also reiterate what's been said above that your feelings are never too small to be shared here. We all experience our own hurt, even if we do feel as though others may be going through more than us, that doesn't invalidate our pain. What you're going through isn't insignificant or unimportant - you matter too.

We're all here to support one another with whatever we're going through, no matter how large or small those struggles may feel to us. You are never wasting our time and there is a place here for you

AnonymousToe wrote: »

Hi @Gemma thank you. (When I click the link for the ‘helping each other’ thread you’ve shared, it says I don’t have permission to view it? Is that me doing something wrong?)

^Sorry about that! Seems like I shared an old link with you. We weaved some of this guidance into this thread here around not putting too much pressure on ourselves to support others when we're going through things ourselves.