Coping mechanisms... and a crush??

Ami_K

I've been through ups and downs in my mental health, but currently I feel like I'm sinking into an all-time low. I think that this has been a long time coming, like since last summer. I started having regular panic attacks and what I think might be OCD has been getting much, much worse. I stay up late so I can avoid the things it tries to make me do, like getting out of bed 16 times and turning on and off my lights 8 times and suddenly deciding to tidy my entire room at 1 in the morning. I don't know if this is insomnia or something completely different but it's really tiring. I just have to stay busy until I'm so tired I instantly fall asleep.
My friend just came over. He's a great guy, and he asked me out quite a few months back. I said no, but I don't even know how I actually feel about him. I think I like him (I am prone to being emotionally blind) but it doesn't matter because my brain keeps telling me I'm not good enough for him, and that he doesn't even really like me. Whenever we touched I got both sort of butterflies but really anxious because my brain kept telling me I'm a disgusting, bad person and that if I touch him... I don't even really know. It's just not good. I literally had to stop myself from texting him to wash his hands about 10 minutes ago, because my brain also told me that if I did that he'd see how weird and messed up I truly am. To be fair, that was in the middle of a panic attack. I had a really bad one the last time I saw him, so he knows I've got some level of anxiety. He knew I was anxious just now, too, because he kept trying to make sure I was okay. I was moments away from breaking down when he left. I didn't want to have a second breakdown in front of him, not because I was embarrassed because he's always so nice whenever I'm stressed, but because I felt bad about it. I don't want to have me panicking be a large part of our relationship, I don't want him to pity me, and I want him to feel like he can also be not okay sometimes, too.

Now comes the sort of bad part - TW: SH

okay I don't know how to use this spoiler thing but I'm hoping it worked. I'm really, really sorry if it didn't. So basically I started self harming a few weeks ago. I've done it before, different ways every times, but never as regularly as this. I do it in ways that mean nobody knows. Anyway this is relevant because I just discovered that hurting myself seems to keep the panic to a minimum. So when I had my panic attack just now I hurt myself, which sort of worked but I know is not the best coping mechanism.

Hoping the spoiler thing worked, and that this part is now visible to all?? I don't really know.
Anyway, if you've read this far, thanks for your time. I've got a few questions if you can help me out in the comments?
Has anyone got more healthy coping mechanisms for panic or negative thoughts they'd be willing to share with me?
How do I know if I like the guy? Is my brain messing with me?
I also sort of want to try and deal with everything myself. I don't know if what's going on with me is OCD or not, but for people who experience similar things to me, could you tell me ways that I can cope with those kind of thoughts? (Like people getting hurt because of me, counting things, getting stressed about how things are until they feel... right? and if they aren't right I feel uncomfortable? I can't really explain.)

Thanks again.
Ami
x

SpaceOtter

Hi, Happy saturday. Its awesome to have ypu here, im just really sorry to hear youre struggling right now. It all sounds very overwhelming.

Its brilliant that you were able to open up here though. I hope it helped. If negative thoughts are playing on your mind you can always write them out here. We are always happy to listen.

Im afraid i cant really help with the telling if you like someone part. Emotions can be a tricky thing.


But i can try to offer some advise for your other questions

Has anyone got more healthy coping mechanisms for panic or negative thoughts they'd be willing to share with me?

Writing things out can be a helpful thing, it can be here or on a piece of paper you tear up afterwards.
Breathing exercises can be helpful too. Theres a few i like.
1. Breathing to heaven and earth. Look up breathe in, look down breathe out. And keep going.
2. With your finger trace around your other hand. Brush your finger up your thumb and breathe in, then down the otherside and breathe out, then onto the next finger and breathe in, then back down and breathe out. And so on.
3. Imagine the anxiousness and negativity as a colour you dont like and take a deep breath. And breathe out and imagine breathing out a mist of that colour.

Another grounding exercise that is helpful is 5,4,3,2,1. Think of 5 things you can see,then 4 you can touch . 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell and 1 you can taste.

I don't know if what's going on with me is OCD or not, but for people who experience similar things to me, could you tell me ways that I can cope with those kind of thoughts?

These sound like very heavy thoughts to deal with on your own. Have you been able to talk to a gp or someone else in your life about them? No worries if not, theyre just a very rough thing to deal with alone and your gp could help you get the support you deserve.

Practical things like doing a puzzle or taking the dog for a walk can be good distractions sometimes when you feel the urge to hurt yourself. Do you have any hobbies that help calm you down?

don't know how to use this spoiler thing

for the spoiler type the words between the two words in brackets

[example] To use spoilers place the words between the brackets like this [/example]
I put example instead of spoiler so i could demonstrate.

Sending lots of hugs. You should be really proud of ypurself for opening up. Here if you ever need anything

JJLemon18

Hi @Ami_K
I can see that you're struggling with your mental health, you're really brave for expressing your emotions here. Remember to take things one step at a time, this is definitely one step forward for you

I agree with everything SpaceOtter said and I unfortunately don't know any more advice that I could add. Howether I wanted to say something in terms of the spoiler. You can always press the Preview button below your text box to see if the formatting of your post is correct, it basically shows roughly what others will see after you post. I hope that helps.

Remember to look after yourself and that you're not alone in this. Sending hugs!

Aoife

Welcome to the community @Ami_K, you've taken a brave step reaching out for support here and I'm really glad you found the community, we're all very kind and welcoming, and always here for you

I edited your post to help put your text in the spoiler - it didn't seem to work but it's all fixed now. Like @JJLemon18 said, there's a handy 'preview' button which can help you see what your post might look like if you're wanting to try out the spoiler or quote buttons.

I also edited out a few references to the methods of self-harm you do to keep things safe for the community here. We have a bit more guidance on this over on our thread here. You've been so brave to share that you're hurting yourself, this isn't easy to do.

I'm hearing how hard it's been with your panic attacks and OCT. It's not easy at all and it sounds so tough to be experiencing it getting worse. It sounds like you've been struggling for quite some time and the panic and thoughts are becoming quite invasive. It's a really positive step you've taken to look for some healthy coping mechanisms to help with your panic and negative thoughts.

@SpaceOtter shared some really great tips, how are you feeling reading through them? Do you feel they are tips that might be able to help you?

We also have an article on The Mix's website about panic attacks that you may find helpful to read though for some more tips

Keep us updated with how you're feeling