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Suicidal thoughts and mentions of loss
Former Member
Posts: 287 The Mix Regular
I don’t know what to say, I’m struggling with my parents splitting up, I’m having grief from the loss of my beloved nana. I’m having suicidal thoughts for some time which is really difficult as I don’t want to die, I just want the pain to end.
My nana was close to me and I wish she was still here, she used to let me do everything I wanted to do she was loving, caring and overall a beautiful human being.
I’ve been in and out of hospital recently for self harm and I have been coping not so well, it’s like a rollercoaster but in my head of that makes sense? It’s not nice being in my thoughts at the moment I actually hate it. I know hates a strong word but I actually hate it.
The loss of my Nana has really sent me spiralling and I don’t know what to do. I’m just suicidal
Help.
My nana was close to me and I wish she was still here, she used to let me do everything I wanted to do she was loving, caring and overall a beautiful human being.
I’ve been in and out of hospital recently for self harm and I have been coping not so well, it’s like a rollercoaster but in my head of that makes sense? It’s not nice being in my thoughts at the moment I actually hate it. I know hates a strong word but I actually hate it.
The loss of my Nana has really sent me spiralling and I don’t know what to do. I’m just suicidal
Help.
2
Comments
Hi Morgan,
I don’t know what to say about my parents splitting up, my social worker told me that they are not together. I recently came into foster care and they are both having their own issues. I don’t know what’s going on fully but I hope whatever happens it turns out to be the best in that situation.
Regards to self harm strategies, my Camhs worker has given me some but I’ve tried them and it doesn’t seem to work for me. I searched up about it but I haven’t found anything new that will be of benefit.
Thank you Morgan ❤️
Welcome at the mix!
It sounds like you've been having a really tough time and I'm glad you decided to reach out for help and support. The situation seems to be very complicated and overwhelming and dealing with multiple things at the same time must not be easy.
First of all, I wish to address the mental health struggles you've been mentioning. I'm sorry that the tips you've been given on how to avoid self harm have not been helpful, that must have made you feel really powerless. At the Mix we have a page with advice and information on self harm, I hope that the information you find in there might be useful to you.
If you're under 19 you will be able to get confidential help with self-harm from ChildLine – either over the phone or through an online chat.
Here you may also find some resources that might help when facing a crisis or struggling with suicidal thoughts. Remember that you can also always use the boards here to find support, seek advice from peers, and be signposted to useful services
You also mentioned struggling with bereavement after experiencing loss of your grandmother. The National Bereavement Partnership provides a support helpline, counselling referral and befriending service for all those suffering from grief, and anxiety or mental health issues as a direct or indirect result of the COVID-19 pandemic. Their helpline volunteers will be able to offer information, advice and support with empathy and compassion. All volunteers have a deep understanding of grief, loss and the very real anxiety surrounding COVID-19. The helpline is open 7am-10pm, seven days a week by phoning 0800 448 0800 or texting 07860 022 814. Their website is https://www.nationalbereavementpartnership.org/
I hope you might find this information helpful!
Thank you ❤️
Self harm and suicidal ideation can be very scary, but they're often an instinctive response to pain that is otherwise too much to cope with. While there are some good alternatives and ways to cope with those thoughts, they never really worked for me either. I wonder if there is anything you still enjoy doing and that you find relaxing? For a long time I just had to distract myself at every turn. As difficult as it was it kept me going. Have you considered having any support for bereavement specifically?
Hi super nova!
Me and my nana were very close, she was always there for me.
I enjoy doing art on my phone, well not sure if it counts as art but I enjoy doing it. It’s called colour by number, since downloading it ive enjoyed it, it helps me when I feel suicidal and want to self harm
@Past User
I hear you Libby. If you want to talk more about your nana, we're always here. It's hard to give advice when it comes to this stuff, because honestly you should do whatever helps you get by. But in my experience writing things down, while being extremely painful, helped me to stop the thoughts from racing and made it easier for me to work through things. Even if it's just for you, it could help. All the same, I'm wishing you the best.
I wrote it, I’m feeling suicidal because I want to be with her. But I’m okay
Just as long as you're safe Libby, it's okay to be in pain when awful things happen to you. Maybe after writing posts like this, you could try to do something nice for yourself? A treat of some kind perhaps, if you can think of anything.
She would tell me off for hurting myself, she wanted to always see before I did anything, that’s a question, what would I want her to say to me, I just want someone to tell me they care about me as at the moment all I’m getting is people threatening to beat me up if I report them.
I came into foster care on Monday the 16th, I was crying my eyes out as I just wanted my nana I have a teddy bear called bell she gave me before she died, it’s like she knew she was going to die which is scary. She died of cancer.
What helps you stay safe when you're struggling with these thoughts? Do you have any support around you at the moment?
If you'd like some more support outside of The Mix or begin to feel unsafe, these services are great places to reach out to:
It sounds like foster care has been really tough for you. You also said people were threatening you? Is it something serious, and do you feel safe?
It’s bullying, they call me fat ugly and tell me to die so if I report them they’ll get me beaten up so I don’t know is that serious?
I’ve been bullied by these people since I started year 7, they did stop after my Nana did go and complain to the school that it was making my school life hard.
It’s so difficult for me
I’m not sure if you’ve seen my previous message on here but going to my nanas grave and doing colour by number helps me to calm down from these thoughts, I’ve done a colour by number this morning when things got to much and I self harmed but I’m going to try get through the day
Hey again!
Thing that makes me believe is that they’ve hit me in school and got suspended because of it so it makes me worried that they would actually beat me up, I’m going to take your advice and tell my foster carers as it’s really getting on top of me, how are you today? I’ve just drawn this on colour by number,