Suicidal thoughts and mentions of loss

Libby_

I don’t know what to say, I’m struggling with my parents splitting up, I’m having grief from the loss of my beloved nana. I’m having suicidal thoughts for some time which is really difficult as I don’t want to die, I just want the pain to end.

My nana was close to me and I wish she was still here, she used to let me do everything I wanted to do she was loving, caring and overall a beautiful human being.

I’ve been in and out of hospital recently for self harm and I have been coping not so well, it’s like a rollercoaster but in my head of that makes sense? It’s not nice being in my thoughts at the moment I actually hate it. I know hates a strong word but I actually hate it.

The loss of my Nana has really sent me spiralling and I don’t know what to do. I’m just suicidal

Help.

Libby_

Past User wrote: »

@Libby_ I'm sorry things are really tough. Your nana sounds like a really kind and special lady. Would you like to talk to us about your parents splitting up?

I'm wondering if you have some coping strategies to help with your self harm? If not im happy to send you some.

Welcome to the community, its lovely to have you here. We are here to listen if you feel like sharing more

Hi Morgan,

I don’t know what to say about my parents splitting up, my social worker told me that they are not together. I recently came into foster care and they are both having their own issues. I don’t know what’s going on fully but I hope whatever happens it turns out to be the best in that situation.

Regards to self harm strategies, my Camhs worker has given me some but I’ve tried them and it doesn’t seem to work for me. I searched up about it but I haven’t found anything new that will be of benefit.

Thank you Morgan ❤️

Libby_

I have really bad urges to hurt myself, I need to tell my carers

genderless_fungi

Hello Libby_
Welcome at the mix!
It sounds like you've been having a really tough time and I'm glad you decided to reach out for help and support. The situation seems to be very complicated and overwhelming and dealing with multiple things at the same time must not be easy.

First of all, I wish to address the mental health struggles you've been mentioning. I'm sorry that the tips you've been given on how to avoid self harm have not been helpful, that must have made you feel really powerless. At the Mix we have a page with advice and information on self harm, I hope that the information you find in there might be useful to you.
If you're under 19 you will be able to get confidential help with self-harm from ChildLine – either over the phone or through an online chat.

Here you may also find some resources that might help when facing a crisis or struggling with suicidal thoughts. Remember that you can also always use the boards here to find support, seek advice from peers, and be signposted to useful services

Crisis Messenger (24/7) |
text THEMIX to 85258
Samartians (24/7) | call 116 123 | email
jo@samaritans.org
Papyrus (2pm-midnight) | call 0800 068 41 41 | text 07786 209 697 |
email pat@payrus-uk.org
Supportline (hours vary) | call 01708 765 200
Childline | call 0800 11 11

You also mentioned struggling with bereavement after experiencing loss of your grandmother. The National Bereavement Partnership provides a support helpline, counselling referral and befriending service for all those suffering from grief, and anxiety or mental health issues as a direct or indirect result of the COVID-19 pandemic. Their helpline volunteers will be able to offer information, advice and support with empathy and compassion. All volunteers have a deep understanding of grief, loss and the very real anxiety surrounding COVID-19. The helpline is open 7am-10pm, seven days a week by phoning 0800 448 0800 or texting 07860 022 814. Their website is https://www.nationalbereavementpartnership.org/

I hope you might find this information helpful!

Libby_

genderless_fungi wrote: »

Hello Libby_
Welcome at the mix!
It sounds like you've been having a really tough time and I'm glad you decided to reach out for help and support. The situation seems to be very complicated and overwhelming and dealing with multiple things at the same time must not be easy.

First of all, I wish to address the mental health struggles you've been mentioning. I'm sorry that the tips you've been given on how to avoid self harm have not been helpful, that must have made you feel really powerless. At the Mix we have a page with advice and information on self harm, I hope that the information you find in there might be useful to you.
If you're under 19 you will be able to get confidential help with self-harm from ChildLine – either over the phone or through an online chat.

Here you may also find some resources that might help when facing a crisis or struggling with suicidal thoughts. Remember that you can also always use the boards here to find support, seek advice from peers, and be signposted to useful services

Crisis Messenger (24/7) |
text THEMIX to 85258
Samartians (24/7) | call 116 123 | email
jo@samaritans.org
Papyrus (2pm-midnight) | call 0800 068 41 41 | text 07786 209 697 |
email pat@payrus-uk.org
Supportline (hours vary) | call 01708 765 200
Childline | call 0800 11 11

You also mentioned struggling with bereavement after experiencing loss of your grandmother. The National Bereavement Partnership provides a support helpline, counselling referral and befriending service for all those suffering from grief, and anxiety or mental health issues as a direct or indirect result of the COVID-19 pandemic. Their helpline volunteers will be able to offer information, advice and support with empathy and compassion. All volunteers have a deep understanding of grief, loss and the very real anxiety surrounding COVID-19. The helpline is open 7am-10pm, seven days a week by phoning 0800 448 0800 or texting 07860 022 814. Their website is https://www.nationalbereavementpartnership.org/

I hope you might find this information helpful!

Thank you ❤️

Libby_

Tw self harm

I relapsed

Past User

Hey Libby, sorry to hear you're struggling so much right now. Losing the people you love is truly awful, and it hits everybody differently. It sounds like the two of you were very close and it must be especially difficult for you given the other struggles you have going on right now. I'm here to chat if you need, but I also know that talking about it might be too uncomfortable. Just think you should know that even posting this, and being open about your pain, is something to be very proud of.

Self harm and suicidal ideation can be very scary, but they're often an instinctive response to pain that is otherwise too much to cope with. While there are some good alternatives and ways to cope with those thoughts, they never really worked for me either. I wonder if there is anything you still enjoy doing and that you find relaxing? For a long time I just had to distract myself at every turn. As difficult as it was it kept me going. Have you considered having any support for bereavement specifically?

Libby_

Past User wrote: »

Hey Libby, sorry to hear you're struggling so much right now. Losing the people you love is truly awful, and it hits everybody differently. It sounds like the two of you were very close and it must be especially difficult for you given the other struggles you have going on right now. I'm here to chat if you need, but I also know that talking about it might be too uncomfortable. Just think you should know that even posting this, and being open about your pain, is something to be very proud of.

Self harm and suicidal ideation can be very scary, but they're often an instinctive response to pain that is otherwise too much to cope with. While there are some good alternatives and ways to cope with those thoughts, they never really worked for me either. I wonder if there is anything you still enjoy doing and that you find relaxing? For a long time I just had to distract myself at every turn. As difficult as it was it kept me going. Have you considered having any support for bereavement specifically?

Hi super nova!

Me and my nana were very close, she was always there for me.

I enjoy doing art on my phone, well not sure if it counts as art but I enjoy doing it. It’s called colour by number, since downloading it ive enjoyed it, it helps me when I feel suicidal and want to self harm

Libby_

@Past User

Past User

Heyo Libby, I see what you mean! Honestly it's great that you have something that helps calm you down. Might be an interesting idea and a good distraction to make a post dedicated to your colour by number drawings, not sure if you have already? Outside of that if you're really struggling, the mix is always available to you, or services like SHOUT and CALM. I've found the wait times with SHOUT to be far too long lately though.

I hear you Libby. If you want to talk more about your nana, we're always here. It's hard to give advice when it comes to this stuff, because honestly you should do whatever helps you get by. But in my experience writing things down, while being extremely painful, helped me to stop the thoughts from racing and made it easier for me to work through things. Even if it's just for you, it could help. All the same, I'm wishing you the best.

Libby_

I’m getting upset because I’m going to write a post about my nana 😭

Past User

I understand Libby. You're really brave for doing so. I don't say that and not mean it either. Sorting through those thoughts and writing them down sucks, but it helps in the end. Let us know how you feel after writing and posting it.

Libby_

My beloved nana was my everything, she was there when I was bullied at school, she supported me through my exams last year, she cared for me through out my hospital stay back in 2021. She was amazing. I cannot thank her enough for what she did for me, I go to your grave nana and I remember what we did, we went swimming we did arts together we did everything together. You are my inspiration and you still are my favourite person ever, I am in foster care nana which sucks because I wish I was with you, but mum and dad have spilt up. Things are really tough nana and I wish you was here to help me through this, I miss you so much I want my nana back😭😭😭

Libby_

Past User wrote: »

I understand Libby. You're really brave for doing so. I don't say that and not mean it either. Sorting through those thoughts and writing them down sucks, but it helps in the end. Let us know how you feel after writing and posting it.

I wrote it, I’m feeling suicidal because I want to be with her. But I’m okay

Past User

You did amazing Libby. It sounds like your Nana was a wonderful woman and how much you love her is clear. I'm sure she wouldn't want you to hurt the way you are now and to think the things you're thinking. What do you think she would say to you now? What would you like her to say?

Just as long as you're safe Libby, it's okay to be in pain when awful things happen to you. Maybe after writing posts like this, you could try to do something nice for yourself? A treat of some kind perhaps, if you can think of anything.

Libby_

Past User wrote: »

You did amazing Libby. It sounds like your Nana was a wonderful woman and how much you love her is clear. I'm sure she wouldn't want you to hurt the way you are now and to think the things you're thinking. What do you think she would say to you now? What would you like her to say?

Just as long as you're safe Libby, it's okay to be in pain when awful things happen to you. Maybe after writing posts like this, you could try to do something nice for yourself? A treat of some kind perhaps, if you can think of anything.

She would tell me off for hurting myself, she wanted to always see before I did anything, that’s a question, what would I want her to say to me, I just want someone to tell me they care about me as at the moment all I’m getting is people threatening to beat me up if I report them.

I came into foster care on Monday the 16th, I was crying my eyes out as I just wanted my nana I have a teddy bear called bell she gave me before she died, it’s like she knew she was going to die which is scary. She died of cancer.

Libby_

I’m feeling suicidal, I don’t know what’s happening to me. I’m trying to stay safe but I feel stupid for staying safe. I want to die to be with my nana but I’m scared to do anything I don’t feel ok 😭

Libby_

I’m sorry for being a burden

Aoife

You're doing so well to stay safe against these thoughts @Libby_ and you're not a burden at all. It sounds like you're going through so much at the moment and experiencing a lot of change which isn't easy at all. We're all here to support you through this. I've dropped you a DM to check in with you a bit more

What helps you stay safe when you're struggling with these thoughts? Do you have any support around you at the moment?

If you'd like some more support outside of The Mix or begin to feel unsafe, these services are great places to reach out to:

* If you need urgent help or have any concerns for your health or safety, the quickest way to get help is to call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. 
*Crisis Messenger - Our crisis messenger text service provides free, 24/7 crisis support across the UK. If you’re aged 25 or under, you can text THEMIX to 85258.
* Papyrus - If you are having thoughts of suicide, you can contact HOPELINEUK for confidential support and practical advice. You can call them on 0800 068 4141 or text them on 07786209697.
* Samaritans are reachable by phone and email 24/7. Whatever you're going through, you can call them any time, from any phone on 116 123.

Past User

You are absolutely not a burden Libby. What you've been through and are going through is awful, and it's understandable that you feel this way. People will be happy to help wherever they can, and you deserve that help. Wanting someone to understand and to care is only natural, you don't need to apologise for anything. You haven't done anything wrong.

It sounds like foster care has been really tough for you. You also said people were threatening you? Is it something serious, and do you feel safe?

Libby_

Past User wrote: »

You are absolutely not a burden Libby. What you've been through and are going through is awful, and it's understandable that you feel this way. People will be happy to help wherever they can, and you deserve that help. Wanting someone to understand and to care is only natural, you don't need to apologise for anything. You haven't done anything wrong.

It sounds like foster care has been really tough for you. You also said people were threatening you? Is it something serious, and do you feel safe?

It’s bullying, they call me fat ugly and tell me to die so if I report them they’ll get me beaten up so I don’t know is that serious?

I’ve been bullied by these people since I started year 7, they did stop after my Nana did go and complain to the school that it was making my school life hard.

It’s so difficult for me

Libby_

Aife wrote: »

You're doing so well to stay safe against these thoughts @Libby_ and you're not a burden at all. It sounds like you're going through so much at the moment and experiencing a lot of change which isn't easy at all. We're all here to support you through this. I've dropped you a DM to check in with you a bit more

What helps you stay safe when you're struggling with these thoughts? Do you have any support around you at the moment?

If you'd like some more support outside of The Mix or begin to feel unsafe, these services are great places to reach out to:

* If you need urgent help or have any concerns for your health or safety, the quickest way to get help is to call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. 
*Crisis Messenger - Our crisis messenger text service provides free, 24/7 crisis support across the UK. If you’re aged 25 or under, you can text THEMIX to 85258.
* Papyrus - If you are having thoughts of suicide, you can contact HOPELINEUK for confidential support and practical advice. You can call them on 0800 068 4141 or text them on 07786209697.
* Samaritans are reachable by phone and email 24/7. Whatever you're going through, you can call them any time, from any phone on 116 123.

I’m not sure if you’ve seen my previous message on here but going to my nanas grave and doing colour by number helps me to calm down from these thoughts, I’ve done a colour by number this morning when things got to much and I self harmed but I’m going to try get through the day

Past User

That sounds awful, Libby. Sorry to hear that people are putting you through stuff like that. They sound horrible. As scary as it is when people threaten you like that, I'm very much a believer that you should you should do something about it or tell someone that it's happening. If you tell people what's going on, especially given everything else that's happening, they should do everything they can to help you. When it really comes down to it, people like that are cowards, I don't think they would do anything to hurt you.

Libby_

Past User wrote: »

That sounds awful, Libby. Sorry to hear that people are putting you through stuff like that. They sound horrible. As scary as it is when people threaten you like that, I'm very much a believer that you should you should do something about it or tell someone that it's happening. If you tell people what's going on, especially given everything else that's happening, they should do everything they can to help you. When it really comes down to it, people like that are cowards, I don't think they would do anything to hurt you.

Hey again!

Thing that makes me believe is that they’ve hit me in school and got suspended because of it so it makes me worried that they would actually beat me up, I’m going to take your advice and tell my foster carers as it’s really getting on top of me, how are you today? I’ve just drawn this on colour by number,

Libby_

I’m waiting for shout to reply back to me, thanks to the amazing @TheMix for helping me ❤️

Libby_

They’ve replied, I’m not sure if I’m going to be honest. I don’t want them calling emergency services on me again

Libby_

They’ve called for an ambulance 😭

Libby_

😭😭😭😭😭😭

Libby_

My heart is pounding. I don’t need to go to hospital thankfully

Libby_

I’m going to rest then come on the support thread to at 8pm

Libby_

I’m not ok, I miss my nana