I send nudes and then got blocked

Former Member

I’m currently on self destruct mode where I’m having sex with strange men and sending nudes. I meet this guy online (bumble) and instantly we added each other on Snapchat. It was a very sexual conversation to begin with and on snap we send each other live snaps to verify that we we’re both real I felt comfortable enough to then send him some nudes he send a few videos back but nothing as explicit as what I was sending we also sexted for like an hour I then asked if he wanted to see more videos he said yes and I send them. He saved them which I mean I didn’t realise until he blocked me on Snapchat. He also blocked me on bumble. So I try to find him on Instagram to send him a message saying please don’t share my videos and pictures with anyone and he blocks me again. At this point I’m worried he may share the pictures I mean why can’t he just reassure me that he has deleted the pictures. I have tried telling the police they were not helpful no surprise there. I don’t know what to do. Yes my face is included in the nudes and I’m terrified he will share the photos. I’ve never had this before guys aren’t normally this weird they’ll delete the nude or they just won’t save it. I’m scared can anyone help me? Any advice would be helpful.

AislingDM

I'm so terribly sorry that you are going through this immensely scary time right now, I can't imagine how much worry and distress you have been in the past few days. After trusting someone with pictures of your body, it must be simply devastating to have this trust broken by him saving the images and blocking you. It's no wonder you're feeling really anxious and worried right now, especially given that that you didn't consent to these private pictures being saved. You truly do not deserve to be treated like this by anyone! It was beyond brave of you to seek him out to try to ask him to delete them, as well as to call the police to seek advice and I am very sorry that the police were of no use to you. This man sounds like and incredibly horrid and selfish person, which you could never have known, so please do not blame yourself.

Your fears that he may share the pictures are beyond valid and understandable, and whilst I know that this will not assuage your worries much, it's important that you know that if he were to share such pictures this would be illegal:

https://stephensons.co.uk/site/blog/criminal-justice-blog/what-is-the-law-on-revenge-porn

I know this will not 'fix' or get rid of your fear, which is beyond understandable, but it is likely this man would not share the pictures out of fear of being arrested. I know this does not take away from the fact he still has the images saved, and so, I was wondering if you had considered searching other social media sites for him and sending a simple message with your request that he deletes them and that if he does not, you will alert the police. I have seen that this tactic has worked for some people on social media before.

It also might be that this helpline can provide some more specific advice:

https://revengepornhelpline.org.uk/

I truly am so sorry that you are experiencing this, especially given that sharing nudes and sexual experiences should be a joyful and relaxing time, not one of immense stress. I really do hope you can find some peace with this

Former Member

Hi @Annahahahh I am truly sorry that happened to you. Your fears and worries and completely valid, but you are not alone and there are people out there who can help you. I am pleased that you did try to contact the police, even though they we not helpful its good that you felt like you could go to them. @AislingDM is making very good suggestions and they are right, sharing someone else nudes online is illegal, so you at least have some legal proection.
Something that might be helpful once you are in a better mind frame would be to speak to someone about why when you are in self destruct mode you behave in this way. It does not seem like a healthy coping mechanism, and has the potential to be dangerous for you. Talking to someone about it might help you realise why you do this and help you to be sexually active but in a healthier, safer less destructive way.
https://www.torontoaddictioncounselling.com/sex-as-coping-mechanism/ this website has some good info
https://www.talkspace.com/blog/when-is-sex-bad-for-your-mental-health-what-to-do-about-it/ this website has good info too.
03001237123 is the national sexual health helpline - they will be able to offer advice about revenge porn and other worries you may have about your sexual health.
www.brook.org.uk - offer sexual health advice as well, but they also offer counselling and therapy.
I hope that you are able to get some closure about this and move one

Skive

What a fucking arsehole. Fuck the police for not being helpful too. I dnt have much advice to give unfortunately, but I’d love to ring this fuckers scrawny neck.

As a father of two young boys I’m going to make sure neither of them ever behave like this.

I really hope this doesn’t prevent you finding a nice guy you can trust, via online dating apps or irl.

Former Member

@SirArchibald @AislingDM Thank you guys for the advice I managed to reach out to revenge porn and they advised they running this project along with Facebook and Instagram where the Facebook safety team send you a link so you can upload your nudes and it creates a digital hash stopping the nudes from being posted and blocks any account for doing so! 😅 (something for others if you’ve had the same thing happen to you or if someone is actually threatening to post your nudes online)

@Skive Thank you for your message it made me laugh 😂

AislingDM

I'm really glad to hear that you were able to reach out to revenge porn, this was extremely brave of you The fact that they were able to get more information this way is really awesome, and this will hopefully help you to feel more safe even if this horrible guy does attempt to post anything. You really are doing to wonderfully. I completely echo what @SirArchibald has said also, as maybe chatting to someone about your emotions and the headspace that you are in when you're feeling 'self-destructive' could be helpful to you in the long term. I'm really proud of you, and thank you for sharing this info here, as it helps others who could be in similar situations

Former Member

@Past User i am also really pleased to hear that you reached out for help, and its really good that they were able to help you.That digital hashtag sounds like a really good piece of technology and its good that you know about it now, as you can use it in future and wont have to worry about this happening again.
You did a very brave thing reaching out and i am so glad that you did and that you decide to take action that takes alot of courage and strength. Thank you for sharing your experience with us!

Past User

The user and all related content has been deleted.

AislingDM

I totally understand your intentions here of providing OP with some advice on how to 'avoid' this situation in the future @GMan , and this is especially wonderful because it's such a scary and vulnerable position to be placed in. Of course, we want to be clear that this is in no way OP's fault and the blame lies entirely with the awful person who exploited their trust in this way. So, whilst 'preventative' ideas are good in principle, we've got to remember that OP has already experienced this painful situation and so thinking in terms of prevention might not be as useful to them at the minute. We all want to stay as safe online as possible whilst also being able to have fun, hopefully one day we'll be able to see even better protections for people who's trust is broken in this way. x