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Father's Day Ranting/Letters
Former Member
Obnoxiously Large AnchorPosts: 1,201 Wise Owl
Today is a tough day for lots of people, especially people like us. People who might not have good relationships with their fathers, or who may have lost them or they are simply not around for whatever reason.
Here's a space for you to rant about how you're feeling. A dedicated safe space to talk about it all.
Maybe you want to write a letter to your father about how you feel. Write something you'd want to say to him but could never say. Similar to my other post "unsent letters" https://community.themix.org.uk/discussion/3598625/to-those-who-hurt-you-unsent-letters#latest
This space is dedicated for those who miss their dads, for those who have complicated relationships and those who need a break from father's Day.
Equally if you had a good relationship with your dad, why not write a letter thanking him? If you miss him, write him a letter of what you'd say to him.
Really do use this space to do whatever feels right for you.
Here's a space for you to rant about how you're feeling. A dedicated safe space to talk about it all.
Maybe you want to write a letter to your father about how you feel. Write something you'd want to say to him but could never say. Similar to my other post "unsent letters" https://community.themix.org.uk/discussion/3598625/to-those-who-hurt-you-unsent-letters#latest
This space is dedicated for those who miss their dads, for those who have complicated relationships and those who need a break from father's Day.
Equally if you had a good relationship with your dad, why not write a letter thanking him? If you miss him, write him a letter of what you'd say to him.
Really do use this space to do whatever feels right for you.
7
Comments
Sending lots of hugs and always happy to listen if you ever need anything
It's been... what? 12 years? Since you've passed away. And honestly, it's been weird. Things have been weird. I forgot your birthday this year and my mum was really upset. "How could you forget your dad's birthday?" she said. To be fair, we rarely celebrate it since you passed. Mum rarely talks about you and the only thing that's left of you in this physical realm are your pictures, currently tucked away in a basement.
There's a saying: Your loved ones are always watching you from above. So if you are watching us then you can see how things have been since you've passed. Mum, K and Z are doing just fine, they have things going down in their lives but I'm a fucking trainwreck.
Mum once said that if you were alive, you wouldn't look at me the same way. I didn't understand it at first but now I see why. I see the mistakes, the horrible shitty actions I've done, the trail of blood I've left behind. It's a surprise Mum hasn't disowned me.
Words can't really describe how sorry I am but you know that, don't you?
Right, I'm rambling. I have a lot of questions. What were you like? Mum said I'm the embodiment of you: we have heads of a goat, we make friends everywhere we go, we are stupidly selfless - always putting people's needs before ours (and potentially sacrificing our own needs in the process but we don't talk about that). Man, you were so popular at certain places, Mum would be instantly greeted with hugs the moment she stepped in. Similar to what happened at my schools!
Mum said you were mentally fine. She also said the same thing about me and look where I am now. Oops.
Mum's mad at you for leaving us the fashion you did. That doesn't mean she hates you though! She's mad and upset but she's hurt. Because she lost her best friend, her rock. No one hasn't really settled in with your loss. We're still working through it. I didn't understand why you left the way that you did until now. When I was at the hospital. I think I experienced what you went through and I understood why you thought it was the better choice. There was a chance for you to be saved, but your selflessness kicked in. I can see why Mum's mad at you to this day. Personally, it was pretty stupid of you to do that but that comes with the package, right?
That's all I have for now.
Though, I don't remember you as much, I miss you.
I wish you were here so I can see that smile again. A genuine one this time.
I love you.
Ton petit rayon de soleil. ☀️
Sending love and support to anyone who needs it!
I hope you're doing okay, I've not experienced loss through death but I've experienced loss in other ways.
Always here for you
I'm writing this letter to make myself feel better, and not you. Sure you seem sweet and kind but it's hard. It's hard, it really is.
You left when I was a baby. I don't know your side of the story - I'm not close enough to ask you your side. From what I can gather you and my mum were at each others throats. You split up officially when I was 16 months old but I heard recently that I haven't lived with you since I was 8 months old.
My whole life has felt like a lie with everything about you. My mum never wanted to speak bad about you because she didn't want to cloud my own judgement. Shame I never got to see you enough to judge you for myself.
I'm 21 now dad and I've only seen you a handful of times in my life.
It hurts. I want a relationship with you but it's too late, you're not my dad.
You're my sister's dad. But she lives with you so it's different. She classes herself as an only child even though we get on great. She's 10 now. You always loved her more, didn't you dad? I don't blame you. You can't help it if you have a kid with a women you love and have stayed with for years now.
I found out recently dad that I was invited to your wedding, I always thought you didn't invite me. My mum wouldn't let me go because she didn't want me to be left unaccompanied due to you and your family drinking. I wouldn't know anyone there either.
You deprived me of getting to know my only cousins. I only just met them this year. They're 18 and 12.
Dad why didn't you try and fight for custody rights? Or try to see me more?
Why do you think it's enough to send me money every month and leave it at that? You don't even message me. You'd rather play golf than talk to me.
You forgot about my birthday and instead of trying to defend yourself or cover up, you had the audacity to literally say you have no excuses, you just forgot. How do you just forget about your first borns birthday?
And although I've had more contact with you as I've aged, that's only because I want to know my sister. I couldn't care less if I know you or not.
Your wife is nice enough, she is far less awkward than you. We get on well.
Maybe dad if you'd taken an interest in my life you'd have pulled me out of the abuse. Who knows? Maybe you'd have realised I was being neglected. Maybe you'd have known that social work took me away.
Maybe you'd have taken me in and given me a normal life. Who knows, maybe social work did contact you? Maybe you didn't want me. I wouldn't know, no one ever tells me anything.
Maybe you'd have been just as bad. You and your wife want me to come over more and visit, and you know what I'd love to but I don't feel like a part of your family. I feel like an outcast. I feel like we're not family, we're not related. Blood doesn't make a family you know dad?
You were always proud when I was winning something, but you never wanted to come and watch me compete. You came to one of my tournaments but you could've come to more.
Dad I don't have any memories with you. You don't feel like my dad and I don't know what to do.
Yours sincerely
Anchor without an anchor
Surely you knew that Father's Day was coming up but you decided that it was a good idea to bugger off somewhere without telling anyone. That is all you ever seem to do in life. You just bugger off whether that is physically or emotionally. What makes it worse is that you don't even seem to care. I am your daughter. I am 15 years old. Do you remember me? Remember that you live in the same house as me and my mum. We are supposed to be a family but I don't even feel like we are a family. Again you don't seem to care.
You have never come to a single parents evening or even asked about it, you have never been to a single event at school, you never went to open morning when I was looking for a secondary school, you have never helped me with a piece of homework, you never say that you love me, you hardly say anything to anyone except when moaning at my mum when she asks you to do something, you don't even eat with me and my mum except at Christmas and even then you sulked and refused to last year and I don't even think you know where my school is because you have certainly never offered to take me to school despite it only being a few minutes away from your work and even then I wouldn't go in the car with you because I am scared of how you drive so impatiently and even a bit aggressively.
Why don't you seem to love me? Is it because of my autism? I even asked my mum if you love me and she said that you do but that you have very strange ways of showing the love. The thing about having strange ways of showing love is something that I definitely agree with but I still really doubt that you do love me. I think that she only said that out of guilt and shock of her 15 year old daughter asking that question. Were things like this before I came along or are things like this because of me? You have done stuff to me in the past that most people would never be able to forgive but I don't want to hold grudges against my own father.
How would you feel if you found out that I sent a Happy Father's Day message to my friend's dad saying that he is more like a dad to me? Because that is something that I have actually done. It is heartbreaking having to always pretend that things are good at home when honestly I just want to break down and tell the truth. Why don't you seem to care? Is there something that you are hiding from me and my mum as to why you always seem to have your face glued to a screen all the time and not talk to anyone. Yes I've seen your Instagram before and I've seen the things that you send to other women and receive back from them. Is it poetry, a skit or are you cheating on my mum? I never told mum about it because I didn't want to worry her and I never told you or anyone either. I have kept quiet about this for your sake and just pretended to play a game on your phone at the time. That was 2 years ago. What have you done since then that you are keeping quiet about? Things are just going downhill.
Lastly, I want to share a quote with you that I have seen before. Hopefully this will help to give you to understand how much things hurt. "Anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a daddy." I only call you daddy when around my mum because I don't want to upset her or annoy you. Happy Father's Day. I love you and want you around in my life but I don't know if you want me. If you don't then there is the door. Just please talk to me and say that you love me. With honesty rather than guilt.
From your daughter.
"The way that I have found the light in my life is through the expressive arts because I know that I will be accepted for the way I am." ~ Me
"I'm going to get strong again and see you soon. " ~ Anonymous
From your letter, I can see why Father's Day is really difficult.
I can see the pain he caused you and for that, I'm sending you huge virtual hugs. May not be much but it's the least I can do.
This rings true. It takes more than conception to be a dad. A positive side - it's great that your dad is attempting to keep in contact with you but I can tell that it's bringing a lot of conflicted feelings. Like you've mentioned - you're 21 now. At this age, we've grown past the point of needing mum and dad, you know? You have your own things going on and trying to balance a relationship with your dad must be stressful. Whilst I haven't experienced what you've been through, I will say let's do what we can, with or without dads.
I hope you're okay.
I feel like on father's Day people like us get forgotten and overlooked. It's always about the good fathers and the father's who are there and the father's who provide.
It's not like that for a lot of people and really it doesn't matter how much you try and hold it in, even just hearing about father's Day can hurt. I've never had a place to direct that anger and hurt before so I guess this thread came from a direct need for myself and knowing that others needed that space too.
I hope you're all doing well - I'll be sure to make one next mother's Day too and have a wee rant in there