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Feeling terrible

SkyeSkye Posts: 103 The Mix Convert
I'm feeling terrible again. Do I have a reason to feel terrible? Absolutely not. Things are actually as good as they can be. My parents aren't fighting anymore, my sister is with me and so is my dog. Even my friends are back in town. Then why am I feeling like this? I have no idea.

By terrible I mean absolutely terrible. Like wanting to die kinda terrible.

I also feel absolutely lonely. Like I have friends trying to cheer me up and trying their best to be there for me and I'm greatful for that but still I feel lonely. I feel hopeless. What if it's gonna be like this for the rest of my life? Fight after fight, barely getting any room to recover. What is I have to for the rest of my life, act stronger than I actually am?

I'm having panic attacks and mental breakdown. I'll be laughing one minute and want to bang my head on the wall in the next minute. Mood swings, lot of them.
Most people has something that calms them down in situations like these. For some it's a person and for others it could be a object which holds some special memory. For me it's the moon. No, I'm not trying to be poetic here. I don't know why but the watching the moon always calms me down. But there's no moon in sky from the last two days which is stressing me more.

There's this uneasy feeling inside me which I don't how to explain about. I feel empty with just darkness inside me. Sometimes I'll have a couple of good days, and then it'll hit me. Everything. It hurts to talk, to love, to be. Existing is so difficult at times but no one wants to hear that. No one wants to know about the dates I spend crying out curlers up in the corner somewhere wishing to be anywhere but here. This isn't life anyone is just getting through the day. I hope one day I'll be more than just that.
Won't you come over and watch the stars with me?

coc0macLorryTruckSalix_alba_2019lovemimoonApollo

Comments

  • coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 1,058 Wise Owl
    Hey @Skye,

    I am sending so so much love your way :heart:

    The tricky thing about mental ill-health is that it doesn't always have a cause/a reason. This is absolutely not your fault :heart:

    That's beautiful that the moon calms you down. I hope you can see the moon again very soon 🌙 I like to watch/listen to this 'the lovely moon' video when I am anxious. I find it calming and almost like I am flying above the clouds. You can see the moon with it too, so I'm wondering if this might help you when the moon cannot be seen? I know it's not quite the same, but perhaps it can help when needed :smile:

    I really, really believe that one day you will feel so much more than this. You will feel happiness, love and joy :heart: May I ask, are you receiving any support for these feelings? And are you safe right now? x
  • SkyeSkye Posts: 103 The Mix Convert
    Hello @coc0mac

    Sorry for the late reply, I wasn't on. I just decided to take a break from everyone and everything. And I'm better now.

    Thank you so much for the video. I really liked it <3
    Won't you come over and watch the stars with me?

    LorryTrucklovemimoon
  • coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 1,058 Wise Owl
    That's no problem at all! No need to apologise - I'm pleased you decided to take some time for you. Lovely to hear that you are feeling better for it! :heart:

    I'm so glad you liked the video. You're more than welcome. The good care! :heart:
  • ApolloApollo Teenage Dirtbag ScotlandCommunity Champion Posts: 802 Part of The Mix Family
    Honestly been feeling very similar to this, down to the mood swings and hopelessness. It's pretty bad. I don't really know what to do about it either but I guess just know you're not alone in this.
    🎵 I feel so funny these days, I'd rather sleep than stay awake 🎵
    Skye
  • lovemimoonlovemimoon 🦋 Community Champion Posts: 2,311 Boards Champion
    Hi @Skye

    I saw that you're currently taking a break so I hope that you're okay by the time you see this. <3

    As someone who is personally going through it, it's extremely difficult and painful. It's kinda weird though. I dunno if this relates to you but there have been points where I've using the coping methods, outlets to ease this but it seems redundant?

    This is easier said than done; take time with yourself. Simple things like listening to music or watching the moon, like you've mentioned helped. Simple things that slowly stimulate happiness(?) It may not be much but it goes a long way. :3<3
    Skye
  • SkyeSkye Posts: 103 The Mix Convert
    Hello @lovemimoon

    I'm actually better now! Thank you so much.
    I hope things get better for you too <3

    Ive tried various coping methods but none of them seems to work on me. I mean things get better eventually only to get bad once again. But I do try to keep everything at bay but sometimes everything becomes too overwhelming and I end up breaking down or blowing up. And at times like that no coping methods are good enough. But I still try tho
    Won't you come over and watch the stars with me?

    lovemimoon
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