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Bit sad atm - feeling defeated but not completely broken

Oli123Oli123 Posts: 26 Boards Initiate
edited January 2021 in Health & Wellbeing
Hey guys, 

This is kind of another rant post. Just having a bit of a bad day and wanted to get it all out. 

It's my sister's birthday today. I had this plan in my mind of making a 3-tier lemon cake and little fairy cakes for her. Which she usually loves. I'm decent at baking and had a little diary with it all planned out, went and got the ingredients and stayed up til 4am lastnight preparing everything and wrapping presents and making fun little things for her birthday. 

I got up a little late this morning (9:30) and showered ready to go down and make the cake. She'd said a couple of weeks ago (and I'd forgotten), that she doesn't want a cake, she just wants to spend the time together reading and listening to audiobooks. Basically a quiet day in. I thought she'd still appreciate a cake and had it in my mind that no one should go without a cake on their birthday. So I started making it and she stormed in and was freaking out saying "why aren't you ready to read? why are you making a cake I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T WANT A CAKE!!!" 
Now in her mind, she wanted to just have a quiet morning in and not have a cake because it would take up time to make. In mine, I wanted to do something special for her birthday because of lockdown and everything. She then went on to say that I'd ruined her birthday by making a cake and stopping us spending time reading and watching movies and things. "THAT ISN'T HOW I WANTED TO SPEND MYYY BIRTHDAY!" I'd put so much thought into it all and it really hurt me...she could've even shown a little appreciation that I'd bothered. Like getting a bad present at Christmas. You don't say it's a bad present, you say thank you because the person has tried. 
"YOU GOT UP LATE TOO!" (yes because I was up the night before trying to make the day special)

She then stormed off to go call her boyfriend and talk to him for a bit. I still finished the cake and kept going even though I just felt like letting my depression get the best of me and going back to bed (having had little over 5hrs sleep). 

We both have a weekly call with a mutual friend of ours (Saturday girl's night) where we watch anime, or play online uno, or just talk, and it's really fun. But also really draining so it's nice to have my sister there too so I don't have to do all of the talking. But she misses a lot of them when she can't be bothered to turn up...the one time I've missed one is when I had an exam the next day and had to get an early night...because I hate letting people down. 
Yesterday was terrible, I had the mother of all headaches for a solid 12 hours. It hadn't gone away by the time of the call and I was wondering whether I would make it. My sister knew about this. She had an argument with my parents and decided she was too ill and couldn't be bothered to turn up to the call. So, me being the pushover I am, still went ahead and did the call, because I didn't want to let our friend down. My head was pounding the entire time and I felt like puking by the end of it. But still stayed up til 5am to finish touches for her birthday. 

She had a present from said friend that she wanted to open on a call with her (that she could've done lastnight). So she planned one for 3pm today. She said to me over lunch that she didn't want me joining because I'd ruined her birthday. So I got on with something else. She then came down at 3:15 saying "WHERE ARE YOU, WE'RE WAITING FOR YOU!!!" I told her the obvious, that she'd told me not to join, but she denied it and demanded that I join...so I did to avoid embarrassment with our friend. It was like a light switch. She was super sweet and friendly and happy with our friend. Then as soon as we left the call she was miserable and angry with me again. 

Even mum and dad agreed she was being unreasonable and unkind, 

Now to come on to the second half of why today was terrible. 
There's a little backstory to this particular situation on a previous post of mine (link below) 


Basic backstory: 

My best friend is a guy. We went to college together. He got a gf (previous friend (dumped me as a friend a while later after the summer school) of mine from a summer school years ago who ended up at the same college doing one of the same courses as me and him). She acted like a jealous psycho gf the entire time we were at college and treated me really badly. 

So to go on from that...she got in touch for the first time in months today to ask if I wanted to play this new game with her and my best friend that they'd found. Like nothing had happened. I had a panic attack after reading it. I'm not a really weak person normally, I don't let a lot of things really get to me, but seeing her text me felt like PTSD. 

I almost wondered whether my best friend had asked her to text me. He's been trying to get us to talk for months and I said no every time. 
I didn't respond to her text and don't plan to. 

So here's the text exchange between me and him: 

Him: Did you respond to [GF]'s text? 

Me: Did you get her to text me? 

Him: No

Me: In all honesty, quite a lot of water has gone under the bridge. I've felt indescribably hurt by her in the past and she made college hell for me for the little time I was there. (SN: I often came home during breaks because I hated it there) I respect that you're still going out and don't want to get int he way of that. I know you won't see things the same way I do, but I'd rather that if we played games online, it was just us if you wouldn't mind. 

HIm: Ffs and Fgs, it's only a game! 

Me: As I say, I know you don't see things the way I do. 

Him: It's just a game. If you actually speak, maybe you'd understand. 

Me: I don’t blame you for forgetting these things but here we go. She hated the fact that we were friends in college and you were dating. There was always an underlying thing there that I was getting in the way of you both and she made me feel like a freak for being your friend. The day after my grandad’s funeral she went on that almighty tirade in the practice rooms which ended up in me walking away and breaking down. She only apologised because you threatened to break up with her. My grandad was and is one of the most important people to me, role model and family wise, so losing him broke my heart in pieces and I’m still not over it and don’t think I ever will be. You very kindly brought in a box of chocolates and she made every effort to subtly let me know she didn’t approve. The very day my friend died of cancer and I dragged myself into college after spending an hour crying on my own in my bathroom that morning, she sat there glaring at me when you kindly gave me a tissue when I broke down in the computer room. The reason being (your words) that you didn’t care as much about her when she was feeling ill the day before. She called me a “f**king b**ch” when you ‘broke up’ with her. (SN: they broke things off in summer but she manipulated him into getting back together) Things come out when you’re upset. Things you really feel inside I feel like she’s felt that way about me for a long time but just not said as much to you. She felt like a different person towards me when you weren’t there. Colder. Then you’d pop up and she’d be fine again. It was the same at Leeds. After making friends with her on the summer course, Anna and I couldn’t make it to her birthday party that year, so she stopped contacting us and every time I saw her at Saturday music school, she’d ignore me. I feel like gossip was shared around the friend group about me. Making me out as some boyfriend stealing sl*t. Yeah I wasn’t there for enough time for them to get to know me properly but it still hurt. Billy making those jokes and carys saying what she said. It hurt. And I feel it was fuelled by Amy. She unfriended me. Let that set in. She unfriended me on Facebook, not the other way round. And now because you’re a player short she wants to get back in contact. Think about it. As soon as you broke things off, she stopped contacting me. She only got in touch before when she needed something. I’ve been tremendously hurt by her. There’s that old saying that if someone wasn’t there for your worst times, they shouldn’t be there for your best. She has not been there for me during my worst times. But you have and I truly appreciate it. I love being friends with you and I truly hope that this doesn’t affect our friendship. I know you won’t remember these things that I’ve mentioned, but they’ve severely, deeply hurt me, and I really don’t want to open old wounds up. Sorry.

Him: Okay....Also, we aren't a player short, we just want to play with you. 

Me: She said in the text that 'you need an extra tank' 

Him: Just a nice way of putting it that we want to play with you 

Me: Okay?...

Him: Try it out once and see how it goes

Me: Why are you forcing this? It's like everything I've said has gone straight over your head! You're trying to make me feel bad for not joining when I've been so hurt. I'm sorry mate I just don't want to. 

Him: Ok...it just would've been fun. 

Me: For you, yes. 

Him: Right...whatever. 

He later sent a couple of memes with the title "peace offering" so I think he's sorry...but it just hurts so much. He's blind to anything bad to do with this girl...love really is blind.. I had a long chat and cry about it with dad and we worked it through, but I just wanted to get it all written down and out of my system. 

Thank you for reading if you've made it this far lol. Welcome to the circus that is my life. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Currently listening to Owl City to get some motivation back. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully will be better :) 

I also just went down for tea (dinner, supper, whatever you wanna call it) and of course was a little sad. And my sister goes “I can’t deal with her being in a mood. If she is, I’ll take my tea upstairs”.... bruh....😐
Post edited by Oli123 on


  • _Tech_Addict_Girl_Tech_Addict_Girl Posts: 1,489 Wise Owl
    Sending big hugs ❤️❤️
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 1,997 Extreme Poster
    Hey hey @Oli123, It's been a few days since you posted this and i'm wondering how you're doing now? :) Is your sister still being grumpy with you? I'm hoping that she's now had time to calm down and realise that she was being rather hard on you during her birthday.

    I really think it's great that you're able to open up on here. It's good to have a rant about things that are playing on our mind. It sounds like you had had quite a hectic day so it's good for you to be able to share what went on with us. 

    I'm really sorry about your sisters behaviour during her birthday. It was uncalled for and quite unreasonable. It sounds like you tried really hard to make the day special for her and granted, she asked for no cake but that doesn't excuse her attitude towards you just because you made a cake anyway. I often ask mam for no cake on my birthday (i hate cake) and she goes ahead and orders one or makes one every year anyway. I don't get in a huff and a puff about it, simply appreciate the kind gesture and crack on with the rest of the day. Sorry your sister didn't have the same reaction :confused:

    I think that you're right, she should have shown some appreciation even though she had asked for no cake. It's not such a big deal, right? It's the thought that counts and it sounds like you put a lot of effort into making the day as special as possible despite being up late the night before prepping for her birthday.

    You sound like a great sibling to have. Perhaps your sister was just having a bad day? Like, it doesn't excuse her behaviour at all but maybe she got up on the wrong side of the bed or something. I'm not sure, either way. Please try not to beat yourself up over it, what you did was very kind and thoughtful :)

    I know we've talked before about family relationships etc and you were able to sit mam and dad down to talk about your relationship with them. Do you feel able to try again with your sister? Explain that perhaps you were only trying to do something nice for her and her attitude towards you was quite hurtful? Might be worth giving it a shot. At least then you can honestly say that you've done everything you can to fix the bickering between you both and so then if she wants to keep on arguing, it's on her instead of you. That will then make you the bigger person :)

    Also awfully sorry to hear about what your old friend did to you. That's not cool at all and it's totally understandable for you to not want to play the games with her after all of that! I think that in situations like this, you have to do what's best for you. If you don't feel able to forgive her after her behaviour, you have every right to move on from her and choose not to interact with her in any way. It's your life at the end of the day and it sounds like she chose to leave it in the first place.

    I'm glad that you felt able to be open and honest with your pal about your feelings. How did you feel after sharing what you did? 

    I was really happy to read that your friend sent you a 'peace offering', sounds like you mean a lot to him and he doesn't want to lose you as a mate. Shame he wasn't more supportive though, thats kinda sucky.

    Hope things start to look up for you soon. We're always here to listen. :)

    Sending hugs.

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