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Things are hard right now.

2

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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    What hurts the most is being made to feel like I don't matter. Like my mental health isn't important enough. Like I don't deserve support... If professionals are turning me away.. I just... I'm not good enough to deserve support.
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    independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,615 Legendary Poster
    You are very welcome to keep using the boards, they are here for everyone to use as much or little as needed. I’m really glad you’re using the boards actually, it means you’re still fighting for that support and the fact that you’ve kept fighting through all the times you’ve been knocked back, that shows you are really strong. I believe you can get through this too <3 

    I had a similar experience with the mental health team. Despite all I said in my assessment they told me my case wasn’t urgent and I should “come back after covid”. It is horrible feeling let down like that especially by the people who are supposed to help. 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I was so hopeful of finally getting somewhere.. finally being able to work through truama.. finally being able to work on myself.. and just like that stupid fucking Ed from the mental health team decided I didn't need their help as I wasnt unwell enough. Fuck you ed. 
    How unwell do you need to be to be under the mental health team? Because use of self harm, previous truama, suicidal thoughts and extreme anxiety isnt enough
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    independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,615 Legendary Poster
    I ask myself that question a lot. Why is it that people who are really very unwell, and desperately in need of help, are considered (for lack of a better word) ‘ok’ and not taken seriously?

    The NHS are so underfunded and stretched, it is genuinely so sad.
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    It's awful..I can't get better on my own but services won't help me. It will be too late by the time they care 
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I just want to feel like I matter...
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I have such a bad headache.. I'm dehydrated and the overwhelming emotions physical hurt
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    independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,615 Legendary Poster
    Of course, it must be so horrible feeling like you don’t matter so much. But and I won’t ever stop saying this, you do matter, you matter to me and you matter to us. We care about you. 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Thank you. Everything is just shit at the moment and im really struggling. Breaking down almost daily 
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    Past UserPast User Posts: 1,997 Extreme Poster
    edited January 2021
    Sending hugs your way GT, i'm so sorry that you're hurting. I know it's hard for you to believe right now but please remember, you're important and you're worthy of support. We care about you and you mean an awful lot to us.

    <3

    Edit; SO sorry for using your name!
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    independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,615 Legendary Poster
    I hear how much you’re struggling. What you really need is support from the services, but in the meantime we’re all here and always happy to listen <3 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I just... I dont have a purpose. Every day is the same. The people around me are fed up with me, some hating me.. 
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    My headache is so bad that what I normally use to treat headaches...isn't working
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Thank you.

    Barely slept last night. Went for a long walk, didn't really help. I feel so tired today, don't want to talk to anyone, don't want to do anything.  Just laying here... Non existent to the world
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I feel so panicked this afternoon. 
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    independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,615 Legendary Poster
    Sending hugs @GreenTea how are you feeling now?
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Now my meds are sorted and I'm on them probably again I feel a bit better. Really emotional still
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I'm just a horrible useless bitch. 
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I'm not fucking wanted here anyway. I don't fucking matter
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    edited January 2021
    You know that wasnt my wish...
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    GreenTea said:
    Now my meds are sorted and I'm on them probably again I feel a bit better. Really emotional still
    Glad to hear you’re feeling a little better, big hugs always happy to listen if you ever need anything.  I certainly don’t think you’re useless you’ve helped me a lot. You’re struggling and that’s ok. 

    I know when I hit lows and my thoughts aren’t great I often struggle with feeling unwanted. I often get the sudden urge to delete everything social media even my email and just disappear from everything. I normally sit down and write out all my feelings trying to work out if I’m really unhappy in school and online or if I’m just unhappy in general. I then talk to some one sometimes shout or here or a friend. It can help me work out what I’m really feeling when my emotions are a little overwhelming.

     Sorry if this sounded patronising. Big hugs here if you ever need anything  <3
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    independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,615 Legendary Poster
    How are you feeling today @GreenTea you’re very welcome here it sounds like you had a really rough night last night <3
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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    Past UserPast User Posts: 1,997 Extreme Poster
    Hope you're okay now @GreenTea , i'm sorry you had such a tough night
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Thank you all. I'm just really stressed with work and lots of other things. Really struggling with mental health and just falling apart tbh. I'm really tired. Mentally and physically drained 
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    Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    Hey green tea I’m really sorry you’re hurting so much. I can’t offer much in the way of advice but if you ever need to vent you’re always welcome on the boards we’re  always happy to listen, and you can message me anytime if you ever need anything. Big hugs  <3
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    independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,615 Legendary Poster
    I'm so sorry to hear how much you're struggling @GreenTea you're incredibly strong you've got through this before. It will get better. <3
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I feel really alone..
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    independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,615 Legendary Poster
    Hey @GreenTea sending big hugs, I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling so alone. You’re not alone here. Here if you wanna chat <3 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    edited January 2021
    I'm very up and down emotionally at the moment. One minute I'm fine, the next I'm close to tears. I've noticed my anxiety is worsening and I'm experiencing more physical effects of that like throwing up and extreme headaches. I'm trying to work through what's going on in my life currently and past truamas and events that could be impacting how I am doing emotionally. I know there's something from my past that I'm again struggling with, having nightmares about (which wake me up in a panic state) I never got the opportunity to work through it with someone professionally and was hoping the mental health services would support me, but since their disappointing phone call before Christmas, I haven't found anyone I can work through things with to eventually work towards being ok and feeling more positive. 
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