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Things are hard right now.

GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
in Health & Wellbeing
Hi all.

I'm really struggling and it's really knocking me down. I feel so emotional all the time, deflated. I really have to force myself to do anything. The pharmacy cancelled my perscription for whenever reason so I am without medication now. I just feel so pushed down by services, here, friends and family. Im trying my best to hold myself together for the sake of people around me but I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I'm mentally exhausted. People keep telling me I look as if the life has been sucked out of me. People keep telling me I've lost my confidence..I haven't. I just don't have the energy to be who I am right now. 
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    Anch0r33Anch0r33 Posts: 1,201 Wise Owl
    It sounds like you've got a lot going on right now, and you've done really well by reaching out and explaining all of this. 

    It's so hard when you feel like you have no energy, I know. You're doing well to post and talk about it. 

    It won't be easy but hopefully if you continue to talk, recieve support and work hard we can get you feeling back to a better you. 

    It's tough. I know. We're all here for you <3 
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Thank you anchor. It's hard to explain how I feel to be honest. Like I know how I feel, I just don't know how to explain it. I feel like I'm trying so hard to keep going but for what? What do I even have that's worth moving forward for? 
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    Anch0r33Anch0r33 Posts: 1,201 Wise Owl
    Do you think it would help to write out a list of things you'd like to do? Not necessarily a bucket list (but if you think that might help I'd say go for it). 

    I know it's difficult to think of things to live for, but there's lots of things. It could be a concert or seeing a TV show. It doesn't matter what it is. Just write a list out. 

    I know it's hard to explain how you feel and why you feel how you feel. I struggle with this too. But just know you're not alone in this battle <3 
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    independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,647 Legendary Poster
    Hey GT, I’m so sorry to hear this. It all sounds really really tough, it must be so draining for you. 

    I’m really glad you are talking to us and reaching out for the support. I know that’s hard to do when you feel so let down by everyone but you’re doing so well. 

    As usual I’m no good at advice but I wanted to send you massive hugs and I want you to know that I care. We all do. 

    Maybe give your GP a call on Monday about your medication, or if they can’t help you, 111 for an emergency prescription :) 

    Look after yourself and please know we’re all here <3 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I'm conflicted if I even want to remain part of this community. I know I'm hated. Just seen as a problem..but I don't want to lose a place of support. 
    Falling apart faster than I can catch myself.so much hate for myself. I've stopped caring for myself. What's the point? I don't deserve it. Stopped talking to a lot of my friends. I find myself sitting alone and crying a lot more than I used to. I just feel so stupid and worthless. So hated and unwanted.  Even though I caused the unwanted feeling. 
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    Anch0r33Anch0r33 Posts: 1,201 Wise Owl
    GT I want you here, I hope little me is enough to keep you around but I know things are tough and if you decide to leave then that's your choice. 

    Why don't you give it a few days and see how you're feeling? 

    Sending hugs <3 
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I'm so stressed and anxious. I've thrown up.. really struggling. I have been for a while but never felt like I was allowed to seek support recently
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    Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    Hey green tea. Always here if you ever need anything. I’m sorry things have been so tough  lately, always happy to listen  <3
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I'm so stressed and upset and hurt and angry and overwhelmed tonight I can't relax. I keep twitching badly and can't keep still. I just want to relax but Im so emotionally all over the place 😭
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Just want someone to talk to tbh. But I've pissed a lot of people off today.. might go for a walk instead. I'm sure I'll find some stranger who will talk with me..maybe anyway
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Urgh why am I just such a shit person. I shouldn't be here. 
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    SciFi_456SciFi_456 Posts: 131 The Mix Convert
    edited January 2021
    Hey @GreenTea sorry to hear how you're feeling. I've been feeling the same about myself these past few months. We all want you here and you're not hated. If you want someone to talk to, you can always talk to me ❤️
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I am hated :( all I do is fuck up and push people away
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I kinda just want to go for a walk and not return....
    (Not going to do that)
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    Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    Hey green tea here if you need anything. We care about you  <3
    Is there anything you think could help you tonight?
    I’m always happy to listen if you need anything 
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I've been using my tangle fidget toy most of the night but it's not really helping. I just want to cry again but my face feels so sore from crying so much already..
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    People would be so much happier if I wasn't here..
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    SciFi_456SciFi_456 Posts: 131 The Mix Convert
    @GreenTea why do you feel that you push everyone away? 
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    Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    I’m sorry green tea but I think I have to disagree with you there, I’m very happy you’re here, you’re a lovely friend and a beautiful human being. Keep going we all believe in you and care about you 
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    SciFi_456 said:
    @GreenTea why do you feel that you push everyone away? 

    I feel like im misunderstood when I'm frustrated. I feel like I don't get what I'm saying across and everyone gets mad at me for it. I'm better off being alone and having nobody.. it's easier having nobody
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    All I'm seen as to everyone around me is a problem. A problem nobody wants to help 
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    All this is to much. Developing a headache..
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    independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,647 Legendary Poster
    GreenTea said:
    All I'm seen as to everyone around me is a problem. A problem nobody wants to help 
    This is simply not true <3 you’re never a problem and I really want to help you as much as I can, and I’m sure others feel that way too. 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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    SciFi_456SciFi_456 Posts: 131 The Mix Convert
    @GreenTea I just wanna echo what @independent_ has said. You're not a problem to us and we wanna help you. We'll always listen ❤️
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I've had the label of being a problem for a long time. I'm just expected to be a problem. It's hard when you are really struggling and just know this label hangs over you. I want to reach out to crisis line but they will probably just pin the label of problem on me too. 
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    How different my life would be if I carried my pregnancy through and had a baby, I'd have a full blown toddler right now...I'd have a reason to be alive...right now I'm just a nobody and only exist when people want things from me..
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    independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,647 Legendary Poster
    I know how it feels to feel like everybody hates me. I often think that myself. But I think sometimes I think about things so much in my head, that I absolutely convince myself 100% that they are true. But it doesn’t mean those things you think about yourself are true, our brains like to torture us like that. People do care and no one hates you. Your head is just telling you that they do. 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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    independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,647 Legendary Poster
    GreenTea said:
    How different my life would be if I carried my pregnancy through and had a baby, I'd have a full blown toddler right now...I'd have a reason to be alive...right now I'm just a nobody and only exist when people want things from me..
    That must be really really hard for you. But we can’t change the past, you can’t change what happened. 

    Did you ever get anywhere with the mental health team, and getting any therapy or counselling of any kind? 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Its not all in my head. Things people have said have been unkind and I bet everyone feels the same way about me. I'm just a fat disgusting pointless person that nobody wants to be around. 
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    independent_ said:
    GreenTea said:
    How different my life would be if I carried my pregnancy through and had a baby, I'd have a full blown toddler right now...I'd have a reason to be alive...right now I'm just a nobody and only exist when people want things from me..
    That must be really really hard for you. But we can’t change the past, you can’t change what happened. 

    Did you ever get anywhere with the mental health team, and getting any therapy or counselling of any kind? 


    I'm not unwell enough for the mental health team. Everything originally suggested for treatment was taken away as I was deemed not unwell enough for it. I was told to find my own therapist and made to feel like my mental health doesn't matter. I feel constantly failed when all I ever do is fight for support. It makes me feel even more less deserving when I'm turned away by services as well as told i shouldn't be using the boards. It's been playing on my head all day and I want to delet my account.
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