Why do they care?

One-in-a-million

I can’t understand why my managers care so much about me.

I’ve been struggling with my mental health for a while it got worse when I started a new job I was on edge, scared stopped sleeping properly felt sock remembered every stupid decision I’ve made and was convinced I was going to make a fool of myself and that I would be bullied again like previous jobs... I did initially consider rejecting the job as they needed someone who was better than me. But I when I got the call I was so nervous I just accepted the job there and then and only sort of regretted it after thinking “how could I be so stupid! This was not gonna work well!” 

I didn’t tell them I was struggling at first I couldn’t trust them they’d laugh at me, regret having me and think I was crazy. But it played on my mind that I hadn’t disclosed this when asked and the feeling of guilt wasn’t going away. But I had no idea what to say to them, what if they started laughing, what if I started crying what if... so I decided to write a note briefly explaining what I was struggling with and that I had some good days as well as bad days.

 I honestly can’t believe how supportive they have been they were really friendly and calm about it, I was worried they would question how it would effect my ability to work.. but to my surprise their concern was for me and how I was feeling and if they could help me in anyway.
they told me that they would always be there to listen if I needed to talk and that whatever I said would be confidential so wouldn’t go any further. They even check in on me now and then to make sure I’m ok for example I had gone in on a bad day said good morning and started my shift, she rang the room and asked if she could borrow me to sign some forms, but it turned out she said that so nothing seemed off and wanted to see if I needed to talk,
as well as convinces me to talk to someone and get support. As well as make me laugh and smile even if I don’t feel like it.

but I just can’t help but wonder why they care so much, they could find someone who not only could do the job better but also doesn’t come to work feeling the way I do sometimes. Why would they want to support someone like me instead of having someone normal.. I’m really grateful for their support I wouldn’t cope if I had to go through the bullying I’ve had before again.

In fact I still fear that things will change where I am.. it always has things go great for a while but then I soon become the outcast, the gossip of the work place, the one who always make stupid mistakes and the one people laugh at.
it’s a fear I can’t just let go it’s just there telling me that it’s only a matter of time before things change.

I must sound ungrateful for saying that but honestly I am so grateful for everything they have done for me and work definitely helps as a distraction instead of causing the way I feel.

Past User

Hey million, I know you probably won’t believe this but you’re an amazing wonderful person who deserves support. I know I’ve already said most of this but I felt like I needed to say it again, because million we’ll never stop caring about you or wanting to help. You’re  such a beautiful soul it’s no wonder people want to help.

You don’t sound ungrateful at all, you’re worries are completely understandable. However I promise you that you deserve every little bit of help you get, you deserve to feel happy and comfortable.

Also you’re doing the right thing by opening up, talking through your worries can hopefully help you one day overcome them. I know when I have negative thoughts talking through them helps take away their hold on me.

And it sounds like the people at your work have beautiful hearts like you do. There’s some not so great people out there but there’s also some really incredible ones out there too, incredible ones like you. I’ll never understand why some people do the amazing kind things they do, but I’m thankful for how they brighten up the world. Thank you for always making me smile and adding a splash of colour to the world when everything feels grey.

 I’m also proud of you for writing that note. It was a brave thing to do, sometimes we can’t get out the things we need to say verbally so it’s amazing that you found another way. It shows great strength.  

We’re so lucky to have you million and your work is really lucky too.

 I’m always here if you ever need someone to listen 

One-in-a-million

(Not sure why this didn’t post)

SpaceOtter thank you so much, you are a wonderful person and so supportive xx
I honestly don’t know how things would have turned out if it wasn’t for you and my managers things are looking a little better since we last spoke, still not looking forward to that nasty 7-6 shift on Thursdays.

 I did have an off day at work last week I was asked if I was ok, I said yes but then they asked if I was sure and I just broke down.. I admitted that some days I had thought where I think wouldn’t it be easy to just (insert something that can’t be said here) and not wake up. But I assured her I don’t have plans to do anything... I couldn’t.

 I think maybe I scared her a little she said “no it wouldn’t!” And that there would be so many people left devastated if I did anything. Again I assured her I wouldn’t I honestly couldn’t for a number of reasons.

 I also ended up saying that I’m grateful for all their support but couldn’t understand why they would care for someone they haven’t known for long.

she told me that I was a part of the team so of course she cares. 

Past User

Thank you million. It really is wonderful to hear what an amazing support network you have around you, it’s the least you deserve.

Its ok to have off days and it’s ok to break down and let things out. Sometimes all we need is a good cry or to let the words come tumbling out. You shouldn’t have to deal with tough thoughts on your own , we’re always here and I’m glad to hear you have your coworkers too.

When I’m really dreading something I try to imagine how relieved and happy I’ll feel once it’s over. I tell myself what I’ll do afterwards like treat myself to a nice mug of hot chocolate or watch a film and image how happy I’ll feel. 
But million you’re an amazing spectacular  person I have no doubt that you’ll do brilliantly. 

We’re always here million, keep opening up and believe in yourself. You’re an awesome person, I wish you knew how awesome you are