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PTW: idk I just need a hug
I’ve put off posting this because I didn’t know what to say. I still don’t really. But couldn’t get into SC because of my internet. But at the moment I just feel really rubbish, I say I’m ok all the time when people ask because I don’t want sympathy and I don’t want to look like I’m looking for it by always being that person who says how terrible my day has been when people ask how I am.
I just have this constant sadness which never goes away and often gets overwhelming to the point where I just want to hide. I’m always tired, don’t have much energy for anything really and spend far too much time on my phone trying to make it look like everything is fine to people. I’m ashamed to admit I self harm and I don’t really have any other ways of coping with things. I started counselling a few weeks ago and I was so hopeful that it’d help, or have at least started to help by now. But honestly I’m really struggling with it, I find it hard to speak about things to my counsellor and struggle to have the motivation to change that. Idk if it’s possible to be in too much of a bad headspace for it to help?
Honestly all I ever wish for is to actually feel happy, I haven’t for a long time and I’ve got so used to feeling like shit that it’s almost become normal. But at the same time it’s so overwhelming but the one person who could actually help me with it, I struggle to open up to. That doesn’t make sense does it. I just want this to stop, but I don’t know how.
I’d had a few days where I’d felt a bit better, not exactly good but not absolutely terrible, but in the past few it’s just back to how I was. But those few days made me realise how much I miss feeling ok.
Idk what I’m trying to say here but really I just need someone to acknowledge this, everyone off the internet is either too busy, going through shit themself or just don’t care.
“Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”