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Lonely

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 35 Boards Initiate
edited October 2020 in Sex & Relationships
I haven’t been on in awhile however I feel it’s time to come back as I haven’t been feeling too great. I’ve been trying to focus on myself and my relationship however it’s proving to be quite difficult, it’s so easy to put on a fake smile but at the same time it’s so tiring and draining to keep pretending everything is ok when it’s not. 

As you know I’m 22, I’m a student, well was... until COVID hit now I’m working full time. I don’t have any friends at all and I get quite lonely. I often starting thinking about my past and how when I was in my previous job & relationship I seem to be a lot happier although it wasn’t a healthy relationship and ended quite badly (this was 3 years ago) still to this day I struggle to move on from it even though it’s been a very long time 

I’ve never really had that one close friend I can call up on whenever I need something. I won’t go into too much detail however when I was growing up I had a very hard time and I felt I never fitted in, I joined high school and got bullied throughout until year 11 (age 16) I had no friends in school, I then went to college and made some great memories and met some amazing people however most lived far away from me and although we all got on in college I still never really called them as my friends or bestfriends and when I finished college I just lost all contact. I’m now at the age of 22 and have been in a relationship for just over 18 months and although things are going ok I still get really lonely & depressed, I seem to crave extra attention that my partner can’t give me. Whenever I have something good right in front of my eyes I seem to not want  it and crave something more and I end up fucking things up.
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hey @DylanJames and welcome back! 

    I’m sorry to hear you haven’t been feeling great. Agree it can be exhausting to put a brave face on and pretend you’re ok when you’re not. Hopefully talking here will help you release some of that 💜

    I do think it’s easy to look back at things with a bit of a rose tint and forget about some of the bad parts... you mentioned your relationship really wasn’t good for you, it sounds like you did a good thing getting out
    of it? But do understand looking back on it now you’re feeling lonely. You’re not alone in feeling that way. 

    It sounds like you had a tough time through school and have drifted from your college friends. This is really normal, altho you probably see those around you having ‘best friends’ it’s common not to have this.  

    If you are feeling lonely it might be worth trying to reach out though... Have you thought about trying to meet people perhaps in your area, albeit it might be online at the moment? There are a few different ways to do this through websites like Meet Up or the usual sports / hobbies way? 

    Have you spoken to your partner about the way you are feeling, what do they think? 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 35 Boards Initiate
    @Lucy307

    thank you  :)

    I find myself looking back in the past quite often and I forget where I am sometimes and what good things I’ve got in front of me/ ahead of me. I still don’t really know what I want in life and I’m just trying to figure it all out. 

    I’ve tried reaching out but people have their own lives, their a lot older now and have probably got their own problems too. I woke up this morning and I have 0 notifications on my phone, I don’t get a single message from anyone haha. 

    I love the gym, I’ve been going to the gym just over a month now and it’s doing me good although some days I find it hard, I also like to swim, there’s a swimming pool at the gym too.

    I haven’t spoken to my partner because I’m afraid of upsetting him, he’s a good and lovely person I’d feel guilty if I were to upset him. I’m still not 100% sure on what I want. 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    Hey @DylanJames !

    I agree with @Lucy307. Especially about reaching out to your partner. I understand that you don't want to upset him, but I'm sure he'd be happy to help you! A problem shared is a problem halved. 

    Also, you mentioned you like going to the gym. So do I! I think that will be a great way to meet new people who may have the same interests as you. Well, you'll know they like to exercise :+1: . Maybe you could try joining one of the gym classes. They're really intense and social! This could be another way to meet people. Especially now that you have grown and changed since college, you might find that you and your old friends are not into the same things anymore.

    Also, because you have mentioned that you're not too sure what you want ATM, maybe you could list things that you definitely don't want in life right now, then take it from there. 

    I hope this helps, even if only a little!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 35 Boards Initiate
    I really appreciate you help, thank you! @Tee A

    i handing thought about joining a gym class, maybe I could? I know the majority of people at my gym are a lot older than myself as it’s an expensive gym, you don’t see many younger people in the gym.

    I have spoken to my partner briefly about how I feel but not about our relationship and how I’m feeling about it, we’ve already had a 2 month break earlier this year and if I was to even slightly mention anything he’d freak out. 

    The thing you mentioned about listing the things I don’t want sounds like a good idea, I’ll defiantly give it ago. 

    Thank you for your kindness and support
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