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Really low :(

independent_independent_ Resident Coffee AddictScotlandPosts: 5,252 Part of The Furniture
I just feel so low. I hate myself so much. My mind tells me that no one cares. That everyone hates me. That I’m not a good person to be around because I’m always bringing others down. 

And I’ve got nowhere getting help and support. I’m being ignored and misunderstood. And I don’t really know how much more I can do this and hold on like this :( 
“Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
ShaunieLaineDandelionAnch0r33Emoji246
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Comments

  • ShaunieShaunie I’m alive but I’m dead England 🏠Posts: 11,279 An Original Mixlorian
    Hugs @independent_

    i can’t imagine how anyone would hate you! You’re lovely. But I know feeling are not always true and I’m sorry you feel that way <3 

    it takes coruage to seek support and when it gets no where it really does feel like shit. Sometimes you have to be really persistant. like keep making appointments to see your gp to tell them how bad things are cause you’re worthy of their help!
    𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮. 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮. 𝐒𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐮𝐧𝐚𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝. 💕💕
    independent_Anch0r33
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,252 Part of The Furniture
    Shaunie said:
    Hugs @independent_

    i can’t imagine how anyone would hate you! You’re lovely. But I know feeling are not always true and I’m sorry you feel that way <3 

    it takes coruage to seek support and when it gets no where it really does feel like shit. Sometimes you have to be really persistant. like keep making appointments to see your gp to tell them how bad things are cause you’re worthy of their help!
    Thank you @Shaunie, that’s really kind of you, it just feels like that in my mind. I constantly feel like no one actually cares and im not worth the help. 

    Yeah it was really hard and took a long time for me to ask for support and I’ve just been getting absolutely nowhere. I even called Samaritans once when I was getting close to crisis point and they sounded like they could not wait to get me off the phone. He sounded like he couldn’t be bothered with me which then made me think even more that people don’t care. It’s now a space that I no longer have as I don’t want to call again :( 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
    Shaunie
  • Han93Han93 EnglandPosts: 311 The Mix Regular
    edited September 25
    I'm so so sorry to hear that you're feeling like this @independent_ and that you had such a bad experience with the guy at the Samaritans. I know its difficult but please don't let that one person you spoke to put you off calling them whenever you need them. 

    If you don't feel comfortable though remember The Mix have a crisis messenger too if you text THEMIX to 85258.

    Sending you hugs - remember we are always here for you. <3
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,252 Part of The Furniture
    Hey @Han93 thank you for your reply <3 yeah it has put me off to be honest, I’ve rang them previously and had good experiences but having someone desperate to get you off the phone in that moment when you need the help the most it’s really made me worried that it’ll happen again. I’ve texted shout before and they’re helpful though.

    I’m really anxious today about nothing in particular :( 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,252 Part of The Furniture
    edited September 25
    I wish life was easier 

    I have no positive ways of coping with this anymore 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
    Shaunie
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,368 Part of The Furniture
    Sending you lots of hugs @independent_:heart: 

    always here for you 
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
    independent_
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,252 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you @*BananaMonkey* <3 I honestly thought I was doing better a couple days ago. But good things never last :( 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,368 Part of The Furniture
    Do you wanna talk about anything?
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
    independent_
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,252 Part of The Furniture
    @*BananaMonkey* thing is there’s nothing specific. I’m just .. so sad. Doctors think I have depression. And my brain makes me think that all the people I know hate me and/or don’t care. The thoughts go round and round in my head. All my ways of coping are negative :(

    Thank you so much for replying to me <3 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,368 Part of The Furniture
    edited September 25
    So sorry to hear that, have your doctors suggestion any treatment? Depression is difficult but it can be managed with the right treatment and support :heart:

    I can relate to negative coping mechanisms sometimes it’s very hard to break that cycle but you can get through this :heart:

    We really care about you on the mix, you are a very valued member of this community :heart:
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
    independent_
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,252 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you @*BananaMonkey* that’s much appreciated <3 

    It’s a bit of a long story with treatment. I first saw my GP a couple of months back and started taking medication, and was also referred for therapy. But the long and short of it is I had to come off the medication because of side effects, and the CMHT phoned me and assessed me for therapy and basically told me to come back after Covid. I tried to get another appointment with my GP after that but she wasn’t available, so a nurse called me and basically said I should exercise more and that sort of thing. All people involved have been kind enough, but the things they’ve said (especially ‘come back after Covid is over’) made me feel like I was totally wasting their time. And now I’m worried to speak to them again in case it happens again. The only person who really gets it is my GP, but at the moment after that call with the nurse a couple of weeks ago I can’t get rid of the feeling that I’m wasting people’s time. 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,368 Part of The Furniture
    There are many different medications to try, if that was the route you were thinking of going down. Sorry that you’ve had negative experiences tho. It’s really hard to not let them impact any further support you deserve. 

    Sometimes it’s about finding one person who believes in you, it sounds like your GP is understanding. Is it worth maybe trying to speak to her again? 

    You won’t be wasting anyone’s time I can promise you. Mental health is so important and you don’t have to suffer.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,252 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you @*BananaMonkey* I think it’s just hard when I’ve had those couple of negative experiences to convince myself that positive experiences can actually happen and it won’t just be negative all over again. Being sent away like that happened at a really awful time and it’s just affected me so much :( 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,368 Part of The Furniture
    Sending you lots of hugs. 

    It’s so crap when you have a few negative experiences, I know it’s really hard but please don’t give up. You are very much entitled to that support that you need and deserve :heart:

    I know how hard it is tho. I’ve been there myself. It does get easier though, once you have somebody on your side believing in you :smile: 


    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,252 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you so much @*BananaMonkey* <3 your kind words are so appreciated. 

    It is so hard not to give up sometimes. 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,368 Part of The Furniture
    You are very welcome :heart: 

    I am always around if you ever need to talk :smile:

    Stay strong you can get through this :heart: 
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
    independent_
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,368 Part of The Furniture
    @independent_

    Just wanted to check in to see how you are feeling? :heart: 
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • fionnadelinefionnadeline Posts: 6 Confirmed not a robot
    I hope that you'll keep on keeping on!! I often find myself feeling real down for no apparent reason too (it'll usually involve tears), so you're definitely not alone in this. You're definitely not wasting anyone's time and I'm glad you're able to reach out to others and let out your thoughts here in this forum. That's nice of you, to do that for yourself <3 
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,252 Part of The Furniture
    @fionnadeline hiya, welcome to the boards!! Thank you for your kind words that’s really appreciated. I’m sorry to hear you feel down as well. For me it’s pretty much a constant. A good day is being able to have the energy to do more than just lie in bed and watch netflix. 

    Thank you for checking up @*BananaMonkey*, I feel really really tired today. I just want this to stop really 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
    fionnadeline
  • Jade09Jade09 EnglandPosts: 590 Moderator
    Hey @independent_it sounds like things have been pretty tough recently, and when you last posted here you said you felt really tired and wanted this to stop. What would you like to stop? 

    How are things feeling for you today?  <3
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,252 Part of The Furniture
    Hey @Jade09 thanks for your reply <3 

    I mean like I want to stop feeling like this. I don’t get a break :( 

    Today is even harder. I just want to hide 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Jade09Jade09 EnglandPosts: 590 Moderator
    Hey there again @independent_ thank you for clarifying that for me, it sounds really difficult at the minute but it's really positive that you are reaching out here, it shows a lot of strength.

    Sorry to hear that today feels even harder for you, would you like to expand on what you are finding particularly difficult today?

    What are you plans for the day? Is there anything that you could do to help to comfort, care for yourself or distract you?  <3

    There are always organisations available to listen if things get really tough and you need urgent support, even if you are aware of these I will pop them in the spoiler below incase they are needed! 

    -  Crisis Messenger are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text 'THEMIX' to 85258 and talk to them about anything. 

    -  Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123. They also have some online services here. 

    -   Papyrus have a helpline that is open 9am – 10pm weekdays and 2pm – 10pm on weekends. You can call them on 0800 068 4141. 

    - If you have any concerns for your health or safety, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E.  

  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,252 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you @Jade09 for replying again and posting those numbers. 

    For anyone reading this post it’s a possible trigger (idk how to do spoilers on my phone). Today everything just feels overwhelming. I’m just so sad and lost and feel so worthless. The urge to self harm is really really bad today. 

    And I don’t have any plans for today. I don’t have anything to distract myself though I wish I did. 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • ItaliaItalia Posts: 163 Community Manager
    Hey @independent_

    I just wanted to drop in and say you are doing really well. Today sounds particularly difficult but asking the community for distractions is a really good thing to do when you're feeling like self-harming. 

    I'm sure the community will pitch in with their suggestions. While we're waiting though, here are some articles (a little old now, but super relevant and the services which can help at the bottom are up to date) about how to manage feelings of self-harm. 

    https://www.themix.org.uk/mental-health/self-harm/self-harm-coping-tips-and-distractions-5696.html  

    https://www.themix.org.uk/mental-health/self-harm/dealing-with-urges-to-self-harm-5698.html 

    I hope they help!
    Stay Strong  <3

    "Let everything happen to you. Beauty and Terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final"
    - Rainer Maria Rilke 
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,252 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you so much @Italia I’ll give those a read <3 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • chubbydumplingchubbydumpling DurhamPosts: 460 Moderator
    Hi @independent_

    It sounds as though you've been experiencing a very difficult and scary low - how are you feeling at the moment? I'm so sorry that you've felt like you haven't been getting the support you need. Here at The Mix, we're 100% behind you, so keep reaching out and asking for help with this. We're listening and we're here to support you <3

    You've said that the urge to self-harm is particularly bad today - where do you think that urge is coming from? Asking the community for distractions is a really good thing to do when you're feeling overwhelmed, and I'm sure there will be lots of helpful suggestions here. Depending on the feeling attached to the urge, there are lots of alternatives to self-harm. Sometimes physically letting all those negative emotions out i.e. tearing up a piece of paper, running, having a good shout or a cry, can give you some release but that doesn't always work for everyone. 

    If you're feeling scared or sad, you could try surrounding yourself with things you find comfortable; wrap a really fluffy blanket around yourself, play with a pet, light some nice smelling candles, massage your hands or feet, really anything that helps you feel good. Mind have some great suggestions here for all the ways you might be feeling.

    I just want to reiterate what @Italia has said: you are doing really, really well. You're being so incredibly strong right now. 

    I hope this helps!
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Posts: 455 Listening Ear
    Heya @independent_ I just wanted to second what everyone else has said above - we're all here for you and support you very much. It takes a lot to speak up and reach out for help, I'm proud of you for doing so! Just remember I'm always a message away. 

    I just wanted to drop in some coping techniques that I use - as you know, I love my hot bubble baths, definitely recommend trying this. 
    Take a nice walk on the beach with your doggo!
    Write a list of things that you enjoy or are thankful for - being in a positive mindset can really help boost your mood!
    Listen to some music
    Write a poem or song

    <3
    👁️👄👁️
    chubbydumpling
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,252 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you so much for your support and suggestions @chubbydumpling and @Anch0r33, I appreciate you both taking the time to reply and I will look at the links too. 

    You’re all so kind.

    I just keep hiding away today. Struggling to face people offline 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
    Anch0r33chubbydumpling
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 813 Part of The Mix Family
    @independent_ just here to send some hugs and love your way, sounds like things are really tough but we are here for you and care about you 💜💜💜
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
    independent_fionnadeline
  • Emoji246Emoji246 Posts: 374 Listening Ear
    I just feel so low. I hate myself so much. My mind tells me that no one cares. That everyone hates me. That I’m not a good person to be around because I’m always bringing others down. 

    And I’ve got nowhere getting help and support. I’m being ignored and misunderstood. And I don’t really know how much more I can do this and hold on like this :( 
    You are amazing  <3 don't think bad about yourself @[email protected]_
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