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Struggling a lot

independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,016 Supreme Poster
I’m struggling so much today, just feel so low and don’t know how much more of this I can do... it’s just a constant feeling so depressed and having no support because no service would have me due to Covid. People say like stay strong and stuff but idk if I can right now
“Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,054 Wise Owl
    Hey @independent_

    Well done for reaching out, I'm pleased you did :heart: 

    It sounds like you're feeling very low today so I wanted to send huge hugs your way. And may I ask, are you safe right now? :heart:

    Access to support services seems very frustrating right now, sorry to hear it is that way. Would you consider any online sources of support in the meantime, either services here at The Mix, or perhaps speaking to other services too such as the samaritans/shout? 

    If you'd like to talk a little bit more about how you are feeling, feel free to let it all out here too. We are right here. Better days are coming your way, you can do this :heart:
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,016 Supreme Poster
    Hi @coc0mac thank you for replying <3 it’s much appreciated. 

    Yeah I’m safe right now just really struggling. I’ve spoken to both samaritans and shout before but only if I’ve really needed to because the signal here is so bad I’ve got to go out to phone or text.
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • DistractionDistraction Posts: 493 Listening Ear
    edited August 2020
    Hi @independent_ <3

    It can be so shite feeling low and not knowing what to do or how to deal with it.

     I suppose time becomes a big factor,  finding the little things, self care (even if thats just sleeping)
     people underrate sleep, sometimes you need a lot of it, if your fighting really hard and thats ok.

    Covid is a big pain in the arse, especially in theses moments

    Like co0mac said, we are here, we got your back and always will have 

    much love and care 
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,016 Supreme Poster
    Hey @Distraction, thank you so much for the support <3 it’s just like I see no end to this feeling like this and I think that’s the hard part.

    Yeah sleep is good aha, that is when I can actually sleep, I’m struggling to sleep quite a lot at the moment and then being tired in the daytime.

    Yeah Covid has made things a lot worse, but everyone seems to think that it’s all because of covid which it isnt.
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • DistractionDistraction Posts: 493 Listening Ear
    @independent_

    I think I can sort of understand where your coming from, I use to do something and I haven't done it in a long time (which is good) but the feelings still there, sometimes it's not as strong and sometimes it's all I can think about, I'm just trying to say that although I don't fully know what you're going through or feeling, I know what you mean with it having no ending, no one can give you a date when it'll get better or even a little easier or even if we have to live with it and it can be so isolating and lonely and scary which can also make it harder and it just sucks. 

    That's is true, about Covid  
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,016 Supreme Poster
    edited August 2020
    @Distraction yeah that makes sense, it just feels like there’s no end in sight and no light at the end of any tunnel. 

    Hoping today will be better. It won’t be though. Every day is the same
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 77 Budding Regular
    Sending you hugs, @independent_. Sorry things are shit at the moment. Sometimes it's hard to stay strong and maybe all we can do is curl up in a blanket on the sofa with hot chocolate. That's okay too. It'll pass, even when it doesn't feel like it. Covid isn't the cause of everything but it might be easier when things calm some and you can at least go see friends? 

    Hugs. Have some chocolate. It might not fix everything, but it tastes nice.x
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,016 Supreme Poster
    Thank you @Arianna <3 that’s much appreciated. We’re allowed to go see friends etc up here in Scotland, it’s obviously nice to see them and stuff but it doesn’t help in the way that a lot of people have described for themselves after Covid. I can have a nice day but then an awful night, for example - it’s never long term.

    I agree, chocolate is amazing!! Hot chocolate too I love that.
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,016 Supreme Poster
    Today’s hardly started and I already want it to be over. I’m fed up of feeling like this all the time 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Former MemberFormer Member Keep being you<3 Posts: 1,489 Wise Owl
    @independent_sending hugs ❤️
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,016 Supreme Poster
    Thank you @Emoji246 <3 much appreciated. 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 77 Budding Regular
    @independent_ Are you not sleeping well? There’s loads of stuff that’s meant to help with sleep that might be worth a try. If you’ve not slept it makes everything feel the worst. 

    I don’t by any means think seeing friends is a fix all, but my hope is that when I can go visit friends it might at least be a space in which I don’t have to pretend to be okay all the time compared to being at home. Being around supportive people - even if all you do is watch a movie together - can maybe be more comforting than being alone?

    Honestly though I get you. Doing good stuff doesn’t always make you feel good and it’s not long term. Hugs and love. Be gentle with yourself.x
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,016 Supreme Poster
    @Arianna thank you again <3

    No I’m not sleeping well at all, it’s really horrible and you’re right it makes everything else feel so much worse.

    Ah yeah I get you re being around supportive people, that is good I find. I do have supportive people at home like now that my parents know sort of what I’m going through they’re great about it. So I guess that’s a good thing. I suppose I am very lucky to have supportive parents and a supportive partner as well, and I feel like that should make me feel better about myself but it doesn’t. And I was telling mum that last night. That even though I know I have support, it doesn’t feel better. I feel awful about that.

    Thank you so much for your support it’s so appreciated <3 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 77 Budding Regular
    @independent_ Anytime. We’ve all got your back. 

    Have you tried any of the sleep stuff? Here’s a list, if anything helps: sleep schedule/ night routine, a bath before bed, a warm milk drink, sleepy tea stuff you can apparently get from shops?, or just chamomile, no screens or caffeine before bed? Not at all that I stick to very much of any of that, but if there’s one thing that helps it’s worth a try. I find milk with honey or Horlicks helps sometimes. 

    Having supportive people around you doesn’t make you not depressed anymore my dear. That’s completely okay and not anything to feel guilty about. Chemical imbalance, yeah? That’s not going to be fixed by chocolate or a supportive partner. That’s understandable. 

    It’s more just about finding small things that might make it less terrible. Sleep won’t fix it, but might help. Being with a friend might mean you temporarily feel less alone. A good meal might taste nice. Getting cuddles from a pet might be comforting. Watching your favourite movie. None of this will fix everything, but it might make it temporarily marginally less awful, and right now maybe that’s all we need to get through.

    <3
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,016 Supreme Poster
    @Arianna I've really been trying to cut down on caffeine in general lately and drinking more of the herbal/sleep teas. I was drinking upwards of 5 cups of coffee a day and now down to 2, not sure if it's helping as such but im really trying. 

    That's exactly how I feel, those things can be really nice in the moment. But I think some of the people in my life assume that they should fix everything, which they don't. I think the assumptions that other people make can make things worse sometimes because it's like they have their expectations and when you're not meeting them, that's hard even though you know their expectations aren't realistic. 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 274 The Mix Regular
    Hey @independent_

    it's really good to hear that you're consciously trying to help yourself sleep more. Are you also using decaf coffee now too? I remember when I was going through trouble sleeping I read a book called Why We Sleep by a guy called Matthew Walker. I don't expect you to read the book but if sleep is something you would like to know more about then maybe listen to this podcast interviewing him - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwaWilO_Pig 

    Once depression comes into our lives, in some aspects we will never be the same again. Accepting that there will always be a shade of it present, and with us wherever we go, can be difficult. But there is also something liberating about not trying to control something that is out of our control. When people try to find a "fix" for something, they are not comfortable with sitting with what is; and resisting the present moment can be extremely anxiety-inducing. Have you tried speaking to some of the people in your life about not feeling the need to offer fixes/solutions, but instead just be there to listen and give comfort and support?

    Depression teaches us to be stoic - even on the good days, we have to remember that nothing is constant and that everything changes. If nothing else, I hope this thread is showing you that there are people out there/here going through the similar challenges. You are not alone <3 
  • Former MemberFormer Member ☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Hello independent.

    Just want to check in and see how you are currently?
    I hope you are doing some what ok and know we are here for you
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,016 Supreme Poster
    @GreenTea hiya! thanks for checking up <3 I'm doing awful to be honest, things are only getting worse and having some pretty horrible thoughts. 

    Need to ring my GP on monday. I'm a bit scared to tell them how much worse it's got really. 

    And thank you to @JamJar for your insightful reply, that's much appreciated and im sorry I've only seen it now! 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Former MemberFormer Member ☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    @GreenTea hiya! thanks for checking up <3 I'm doing awful to be honest, things are only getting worse and having some pretty horrible thoughts. 

    Need to ring my GP on monday. I'm a bit scared to tell them how much worse it's got really. 

    And thank you to @Jamar for your insightful reply, that's much appreciated and im sorry I've only seen it now! 


    Dont be afraid to ring the GP and tell them. It's ok to not be ok and you deserve so much love and support. 
    Please do look after yourself 💕
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,016 Supreme Poster
    Im just worried what will happen really when i tell them, a few weeks ago i didn't think it could get any worse that's when I rang the GP for the first time... but it has and now im even more scared than I was then. 

    Thank you for the support @GreenTea <3 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Former MemberFormer Member ☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    It's ok to feel scared and worries about opening up how you feel. 
    I can understand being worried about what might happen.
    Would it be helpful if I found some webpages from other sites about what happens when you go to the GP?
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,016 Supreme Poster
    @GreenTea that would be great, thank you !! <3 I've googled it before when I went the first time but didn't read a lot of info. 

    Idk why im scared TBH. I know my GP is understanding, she's one of the only people who really got it when I spoke about it, but im just scared of what she'll say cause I've got worse (and was already pretty bad) so quickly. 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Former MemberFormer Member ☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    It's good to hear she's understanding, maybe she can refer you to more suited services? 
    Even if you just chat, she's there to support you
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,016 Supreme Poster
    Last time she referred me to CMHT and they assessed me and told me they weren't gonna support me. Idk where else she can refer me really. Idk what I need tbh. I'm just in a very scary place. 

    I'm so grateful that she's understanding, it made the biggest difference first time I spoke to her. 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Former MemberFormer Member ☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Have you ever tried the mix counseling services?
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,016 Supreme Poster
    I've looked at it but it's always really busy there's never any spaces for it. 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Former MemberFormer Member ☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Ah ok, 
    What about any local charities?
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,016 Supreme Poster
    I'm gonna see what the GP says on monday and if there's no other services other than CMHT I'm gonna look into that, I just feel so lost :( 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Former MemberFormer Member ☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Sending massive hugs
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,016 Supreme Poster
    Thank you @GreenTea <3 that means a lot. 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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