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Idk...

Former MemberFormer Member Lyrical PosterPosts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
Hi,

So many things have happened that I am really struggling to process. 

My dads wife died two weeks ago today, the funeral is on Thursday. I am heartbroken. 
Next month is five years since my Nanna died and I know I will be a mess as not a day goes by that I don’t think about her and I miss her every day. 

My physical health isn’t good.. Recently been diagnosed with asthma and today I got given a steroid inhaler.
The chronic pain clinic physiotherapist rang me the other day to see how I am getting on, but I missed the call, they left a voicemail but because of everything that has been going on I haven’t rang them back so I’ve probably been discharged now. It really sucks cause just as I thought I was getting somewhere I am back to square one.
Five years of chronic nerve pain in my neck/shoulder with no cure just painkillers. 

My mental health is just so crap at the minute, I had my anti depressant increased to the highest dose, self harm is the only thing that I can do that helps, and even that is getting bad. 

I act like I am fine so that everyone around me doesn’t suspect a thing but the truth is I’m not okay. I’ve not been okay in a long time.

I feel so emotionally and physically drained.

I just want to feel okay. 

I feel so lost. 
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Comments

  • Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,194 Part of The Furniture
    Your going through so much right now it’s understandable that your struggling to process it all .

    Losing a loved one is so difficult and right now your dealing with that ontop of being poorly yourself .

    Right now there’s no right or wrong way to how you can feel , grief is a process of different stages that we can move forwards and backwards through and that’s okay :) 

    I know things must be so difficult for you right now I’m sending you so much love and hugs 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you so much @Millie2787

    I just feel really low. :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 198 Trailblazer
    Hi,

    So many things have happened that I am really struggling to process. 

    My dads wife died two weeks ago today, the funeral is on Thursday. I am heartbroken. 
    Next month is five years since my Nanna died and I know I will be a mess as not a day goes by that I don’t think about her and I miss her every day. 

    My physical health isn’t good.. Recently been diagnosed with asthma and today I got given a steroid inhaler.
    The chronic pain clinic physiotherapist rang me the other day to see how I am getting on, but I missed the call, they left a voicemail but because of everything that has been going on I haven’t rang them back so I’ve probably been discharged now. It really sucks cause just as I thought I was getting somewhere I am back to square one.
    Five years of chronic nerve pain in my neck/shoulder with no cure just painkillers. 

    My mental health is just so crap at the minute, I had my anti depressant increased to the highest dose, self harm is the only thing that I can do that helps, and even that is getting bad. 

    I act like I am fine so that everyone around me doesn’t suspect a thing but the truth is I’m not okay. I’ve not been okay in a long time.

    I feel so emotionally and physically drained.

    I just want to feel okay. 

    I feel so lost. 
    Hello BananaMonkey,

    I am so sorry to hear that recently you have been struggling to process some of the ongoing troubles that you have been facing. 

    It is always so difficult and so sad when people pass away, it is more than okay to feel heartbroken as you say. Although death is a natural thing, it is so hard to face the fact that it has happened to someone that you love. I saw that you have funeral on Thursday, I hope that goes well and I hope that having the funeral happen will somewhat help you since it will be over and done with. It sounds like you and your nan had a good relationship with one another and that you can't move on from her passing away. Please do remember that they are now in a better place, they aren't suffering from any illnesses or troubles that caused them to pass away or if it was just because of age then sometimes it is better for them because aging is especially difficult and you're unable to do more things the older that you become - most of the time. They may not be there physically but I am sure that they're there at heart and they are most likely watching over you!

    Physical health can be an absolute pain sometimes. Asthma can be difficult but if you use your inhaler when you need to and bring it everywhere then you should be fine! Perhaps it is worth just giving the chronic pain clinic physiotherapist a call to have a little catch-up and discuss how things are going for you at the moment. I am so sorry that you're experiencing chronic nerve pain in your neck and shoulder, hopefully, they find something that can be done about it that isn't just painkillers.

    Self-harming is a coping method, it isn't anything to be ashamed of. However, I don't recommend doing it. Perhaps you could use one of these methods as a distraction: 
    http://www.selfinjury.bctr.cornell.edu/perch/resources/distraction-techniques-pm-2.pdf. There are some distraction techniques that could also come in handy when you need to take your mind off of things also! Have you tried the butterfly project to try and reduce how much you self-harm and set targets for yourself? If you aren't sure about what it is then maybe you should take a look at that here... https://www.adolescentselfinjuryfoundation.com/the-butterfly-project.

    Acting like your fine means that you're bottling your feelings up instead of expressing them. Is there somebody who you can talk to about it e.g a family member, friend or professionals? You mentioned that it has gone on for a long time, if that is the case then maybe it would be better to speak to someone so they can try and get you the help that you need. As I said on my introduction, "Please remember to never push yourself to speak to someone about your problems, although there are people there for you and people who love you, take as long as you need to open up if you would like to do so. You don't need to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Everything will work out for everyone in the end and everyone at The Mix will be here by your side to help you to get through whatever troubles you may have encountered. Have faith, have hope and remember that if you're going through a difficult stage now, it isn't irreversible and it won't go on forever." 

    Keep your head held high, walking along with a low head won't allow you to move on because you can't see what you have ahead of you. There is light at the end of every dark tunnel, just some take a longer journey to go down than others.

    Things will get better for you soon. Things might not be better tomorrow, next week or next month but they will get better eventually; it takes time and patience, alongside lots of support if that is what you would like.

    Take care,
    Amelia. x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 88 Budding Regular
    I've been in that situation before and sometimes the pain is just unbearable. Have your own space and take your time. 

    I know you're the first person that I met in the community so I hope you can take care of yourself and the wounds shall heal.

    At least she is in a safe place now. God bless you. <3
  • Former MemberFormer Member ☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I'm sorry to hear you are going through so much right now bananamonkey. 
    We are all here for you 💕
  • Former MemberFormer Member Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you everyone :heart:

    I’m really restless tonight and I’m trying to sleep but it’s not happening.

    Tomorrow is the funeral :( 

    I’m currently in the middle of a pain flare up too.
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 1,997 Extreme Poster
    edited August 2020
    I’ll keep you in my thoughts tomorrow @*BananaMonkey*. I am so sorry that you are going through so much ☹️ Life can be so unfair. 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Liam said:
    I’ll keep you in my thoughts tomorrow @banana123 . I am so sorry that you are going through so much ☹️ Life can be so unfair. 
    Thank you @Liam that means a lot 
  • Former MemberFormer Member ☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Sending hugs lovely
  • Former MemberFormer Member Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    GreenTea said:
    Sending hugs lovely
    Thank you :heart:
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,016 Supreme Poster
    Sending you massive hugs <3<3 life can be really really horrible sometimes and keep throwing horrid things at us. I hope you managed to get some sleep and that tomorrow is as ok as it can be 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 1,997 Extreme Poster
    edited August 2020
    You’re in my thoughts today @*BananaMonkey*

    Go easy on yourself, We’re all here for you if and when you need us to be ❤️
  • Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,194 Part of The Furniture
    Sending you so much love and support today 💜

    Were all here for you whenever you need us x be gentle and kind with yourself today 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member ☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Will be thinking of you today x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you everyone :heart:

    You folks are all so lovely 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Fruit loop Deactivated Posts: 2,762 Boards Guru
    Sending all the hugs that's such a lot to have on at once! 

    I hope the inhaler is going well it's a bit odd but you get used to it in the end x

    Hopefully if you've been discharged the wait won't be too long! 


    We're all here for you 💜
  • Former MemberFormer Member Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    edited September 18
    Thank you @Past User :heart: 
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member ☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    edited August 2020
    Hope you are doing ok as can be right now 💕
  • Former MemberFormer Member Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you everyone 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I feel so drained emotionally and physically 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Keep being you<3 Posts: 1,489 Wise Owl
    i'm sorry your going thru a lot 
    We are all here for you <3
  • Former MemberFormer Member ☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    @*BananaMonkey*

    Hey, just wanted to check in and see how you are doing?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    GreenTea said:
    @*BananaMonkey*

    Hey, just wanted to check in and see how you are doing?
    Hey, thank you... :h:heart:

    I'm okay I guess. Been battling a pain flare up the past 2 days.. I am in pain on a daily basis but this flare up is really bad.. :(


  • Former MemberFormer Member Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I’m so fed up of being in pain on a daily basis. I need a break.. :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Today needs to just end...

    Five years today my Nanna died. My neck has been hurting me all day, and I just don't feel like I can carry on :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    💜💜💜 sending you all the love @*BananaMonkey* , sounds like a really tough time. 
    How are you feeling today? 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you for your reply @Lucy307

    Im really struggling, the pain is so bad. I’m also wondering what it would feel like to wake up and not be in pain. I can’t remember what that feels like cause for almost 6 years I’ve been in constant pain. :( 

    I’m not strong enough to deal with all this
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    I’m so sorry to hear that, sounds really tough. Do you get flare ups or is it always just as bad? I’m sure you will have already got medical advice but surely something your gp / medicine can do? Sending massive hugs 💜
  • Former MemberFormer Member Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    edited September 2020
    @Lucy307

    Sorry for the late reply. I am always in pain every single day but I have flare ups which are really bad and they make me feel really sick, and drained, to the point I have to sleep.

    I am on gabapentin three times a day, and naproxen twice a day, so I am pretty much always dosed up on painkillers, I don't like it, but without the medications I wouldn't be able to do anything, with the painkillers I can still work, the pain is still there but it's more manageable I guess.

    I've had lots of physio, got referred to the pain management clinic who wanted me to do more physio, so I said no.. I need ways to manage the pain. 

    It's weird, it's a part of my life, and has been for almost 6 years. 

    Because of the pain I have which is nerve pain, there are only a few painkillers that help. But I am on the correct meds now and as much as I don't like them I know I need them. 

    Thank you for your kindness :heart:


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    That’s ok - sorry for the even later reply, I must have missed this!! That sounds so tough, I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been going through and for such a long time too. Glad you feel you are on the right meds, it sounds like you know what you need. 

    Always here for you if you need to vent about it 💜
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