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Any advice?

Hi I'm new to this kinda thing, not really the one for posting things on any type of social media but really need advice.

I am really worried about my best friend he hasn't been himself for about a year now and its been really hard for me to watch him fall deeper into a black hole. He has been to his GP nd is waiting on CBT which has been pushed back a number of months probs due to high demand and he is also receiving 1-1 support.

But recently he lost a friend to suicide which has just devastated him. He hasn't left his bed and hasn't been out of his house and he doesn't want to see anyone which is understandable. But is there anything more I can do as a friend? Sometimes I feel like I am failing him as a friend for not being there enough for him even though I would text him every day to see how he is, ask him to come out a walk, always tell him I'm here for him whenever he needs me etc but one thing he doesn't talk he will keep it bottled which is why I think the death of his friend has hit him a lot harder than people think and he would tell me he's ok but I know he's not. Im just finding it hard at the minute because I'm stuck and I don't know what to do and I don't want to lose my best friend. Any advice would be greatful.


  • mags98mags98 Posts: 287 Moderator
    Hi @Rainbow114 and welcome to the boards!

    It's great to hear you are looking out and trying to help your friend. It must be really hard on both of you in this situation. It sounds like you are doing a lot for him and reassuring him that you are there for him which is really nice and can be really helpful. People deal with their emotions in different ways, have you asked him how he'd like you to help or if he did want any? 
  • Rainbow114Rainbow114 Posts: 4 Newbie
    Thank you for you reply.He's very conservative so he doesn't like talking about things because he thinks he'll worry people and he hates that. Thats why he doesn't really talk to me about what he's feeling but I can tell by the way he acts and the way he's talking how he's feeling. I've never asked him how'd he would like me to help him I will try that to see if it helps him. Thank you
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 1,017 Wise Owl
    Hey @Rainbow114

    It sounds like you are a great friend, he is very lucky to have you 💜 you’re certainly not failing him. As long as you are there for him and keep checking in, you’re doing the right thing. He may come to you to talk when he’s ready, or he might just want to talk to someone he doesn’t know. So it’s great to hear he has reached out for professional support too. 

    Totally agree with mags98 advice of asking him if/how you can help, just an honest conversation could help. 

    Make sure you are taking care of yourself too.
    - Lucy 
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • GemmaGemma Posts: 123 Moderator
    edited July 2020
    Hi @Rainbow114
    It's awful to watch your friend in pain and struggling but you're not failing as a friend at all. As it's been said, he is very lucky to have you looking out for him. 

    People deal with things differently and need time to process by themselves, it's good that he knows that you are there for him when he needs. It's good that he has reached out for professional support, sometimes it helps to speak to someone you don't know at first. 

    I agree with mags98 and Lucy307 that it could help to talk to him about if there is anything he needs that you could do to help or support him. Even if he says no, it shows him that you are there for him if he feels ready to share. 

    As Lucy307 says, it's also really important to make time for yourself and check in with how your feeling. You need to take care of yourself before you can help anyone else. 

    We are all here for you. 
  • Han93Han93 EnglandPosts: 309 The Mix Regular
    Hi @Rainbow114

    I just wanted to echo what everyone else has said - it sounds like you're an incredibly supportive friend and he's very lucky to have you. I think just keep doing what you're doing and keep reminding him that you're there to talk when/if he wants to.
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