Do i end the relationship

Former Member

Im incredibly depressed at the moment. Me and my partner have been on the rocks for a while now. My whole family disapprove of the relationship to the point im now distancing myself from them. We did break up in october and in December i met someone epse who showed me a whole new life. I laughed i felt happy but the whole time thinking of my ex which was overwhelming. Even during sex i was thinking of him and it wouldnresult in me losing the moment with thag new partner. The nee guy has been incredibly understanding. I can talk to him with no fear, no drama. However he has had issues with Erectile dysfunction that has played a part on the bonding factor. Which again would make you think of the amazing sex with your ex.
My ex recently got back in touch begging for me back. We argued a lot... Even infront of our kids that i eventuwlly told him to stop but would always get more heated when i did that. Im depressed thinking am i damaging my kids. I do have immensly strong feelinga for him and not for the other guy and when i split up with my ex i was really down. Sometimes suidical and resentful id lost what i was working for as we were planninf a weddding. I coukdnt even walk past the engagement ring shop or listen to music or drive past the shop i picked my weddinf dfess in. The new guy i met has said he wamts to give me all that. I do trust him but i have that overwhelming fear would i be happy? As im still on love with my ex and feel like i always will be. Im absolutely torn and i feel like im no longer living as im in such a low rut. 

Former Member

Hi @Past User and welcome to the Mix

I’m really sorry to hear how you’re feeling, sounds like an incredibly confusing situation. Do you want to talk about what made you break up with your ex, it sounds like you were arguing a lot but that you still have very strong feelings for him? Is he the one your family are disapproving of? 

It sounds like you are really suffering and not able to move on happily with your new partner due to not being fully over your ex, really difficult situation to be in. Hope we can help 💜

Lucy 

Former Member

Hi, yes my ex is the one my family disapprove of.
So it was very toxic, ive turned into a massive overthinker. If i was to mention to him something that upset me that he had done or how he had spoke to me a little later on when our kids werent around, he would say he didnt know what i was talking about, i dramatise everything. I take everytbing out of context and almost 3 years of it now ive never been such an overthinker with everything. But im not rose garden myself. I found myself not being able to give my 50% back into the relationship which again i would then over think and worry i was a toxic partner. If he mentioned something id done that upset him, part of me would think i didnt do that, but then I'd really listen to how he felt and understand and realise. And i would try to make things better. We were always yo-yoing. My family think hes a narcissts tjat im addicted to the highs and lows, that he gas lights me whej he says im a drama queen if something has bothered me. For example he would accuse ke of something i havent done one time. I stood uo for myself and it took a whole 24 hours of arguing over text and being told im a drama queen for me to then want to end it hes apologising. We both get so scqred when its over and ultimatley back in each others arms. Its like threatening its over all the time to eachother its so toxic. But my intuition tells me this isnt right and the new guy is just a whole different person i know we'd have a happier life but would i be happy when i still love my ex. I feel like if im not pursuing this other relationship then im back with my ex where we have no respect anymore. Hes very affectionate but i find it hard to do that because my gut says thos isnt right but my heart wont let me walk away. It is so painful and we have kids together too. So I would still see him. I don't want tonfeel like ive made a mistake if I walk away becauee we were due to get married. Im. Not eating im. Not sleeping. Ive watched countless tutorials on heartbreak and it helps but not for long. We got engaged in new york and its somehwere id never be able to visit again. My ex shows me a lot of affevtion and love. Tella me im beautiful etc. I didnt do that as kuch as i shoukd of back to him. So i know that counts for change on my part. But inworked full time and had 2 kodw on ky own aftwr work as he hardly dlt helped so inwas exhausted. I paid all the bills and most of the time he was financially stable. On top of him lying also. 

Siena

Heyy! And welcomes to the mix

it does sound like a really stuck feeling. Its understable to be thinking of all these things. You had a relationship with him and a lot of memories and it never goes and its "normal" to still think about him. We cant ever replace them and try to find better or the same of how he made you feel which can feel weird and different which makes moving on ever harder. 

Ending a relationship is like grief. And like grief its different for everyone. You have lost something you once enjoyed. Some people move on differently compared to others. Even when the relationship was not right or it was toxic it can still take some people longer and it doesnt always mean you need to go back or something. Like i was heart broken over someone who abused me, its cause we miss somethings that they gave us but it still might not be worth it. 

Sometimes you have question why - if its too overwhelming. Like do you think you got into the relationship too soon? 

I guess it makes it even more harder to move on since you have to see him cause of your kids. I believe to get over the past we have to focus on what we have now and being mindful of all the small things you have atm. 

It can take time but whatever you do and whatever life take you then there is a reason and whatever you do with the relstionship.  wish you all the best. Take care   Here if wann keep us updated on your situation!

Former Member

Hi @Past User

I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult situation.

I agree with @Shaunie, relationship breakdowns are similar to grief. And grief is a very painful experience. The only way to heal grief, is with time. This can be applied to relationship breakdowns. 

Maybe you need a bit more time alone to process what is going on, especially as you may need to be in contact with your ex for the sake of your children. This may sound cliche, but maybe this new partner is "the right person, at the wrong time". 

This could possibly be why you think about your ex when you are with this new partner. You may need more time to come to terms with the previous relationship. 

I'd suggest investing more time in you and fall in love with yourself, then possibly consider other relationships. 

I hope this was somewhat helpful. 

Tee A