Too much

L100

Well life’s just getting too much for me to cope. Especially with a lot of issues happening in town and even when nothing does something else happens like on the bus or I get fed up with the most recent incident. Even though most things do get reported to police it’s either there’s no CCTV or  well I have lost trust in them sort of due to a incident couple of years back. I can hardly speak to them due to that. 

Anyway it’s getting to much. Like yesterday I choose not to do my volunteering with dogs as I was afraid due to Saturday I would end up hurting them or the staff.  I also got annoyed at my housemate and yesterday that got too the point where police got involved. Even earlier that day when I was trying to calm down by the river deciding what to do didn’t help as bystanders were concerned apparently and called police.    Thing is when things get too much or I get too many memories off incidents I pretty much freeze and just can’t talk and well that seems to be when I occasionally get thoughts that I want to die and that’s then reason I also sometimes go down to river as I feel I just can’t cope anymore. At those times I forget all about my good things like volunteering and work. 

i still struggle with my controlling my diabeties. I litreally don’t when feeling like above which causes my blood to pretty much always be high. I rarely brush my teeth also. I just fall asleep to easily, then wake up at 3am and then fall back to sleep. I never used to wake up in middle of night. I’m scared I’m going to harm my housemate one day.  I feel like running away due to how much trouble I got in yesterday 

(I know it sounds silly but before I moved I eventually was able to calm as I my hamster before he died helped me with that because he always came up to the bars like he sense j was upset and was relaxed whenever I held him not running around) he eventually calmed me down. 

(Unfortuantly the house at the moment is rented and I doubt the landlord allows pets)

I don’t even feel like I want to go out today even though I sort of want to but I don’t want to Incase I end up just freezing and going back to my thoughts I want to die because things have just gotten to much and if I end up taken my anger out on my housemate again. I feel like police will get involved again. 

I also feel like I want to run away though because I was fed up off life. It’s like I want to die or run away. 

never mind my work tommorow.  I’m still afraid I’m going to do something stupid.  Plus I only realised that a lot of the bystanders that helped were from the council and well I’m afraid my work is going to ask tommorow. Our uniform has the councils logo since where I work is own by the council. 

I suppose the only positive is my volunteering at animal park. However I’m afraid to meet my friends as well and get too anxious to go into town due to all the incidents 

im still stuck on what to do. I just don’t know what to do.

L100

I actually tried to yesterday but unfortuantly got caught out by a security guard

i still feel the same way I don’t even want to go to work later. I’m afraid I’m going to end up doing it again. 

PoppyB

Hey @L100 it sounds as though there is a lot going on at the moment and you're struggling to cope. Do you have anyone you can speak to about how you're feeling, such as friends or family?

It sounds frustrating to report things to the police and not have any real outcomes. However it's important to remember that the information that was gathered during the investigation will still be on file and they may re-open the case if new evidence comes to light. It will also assist in detecting and preventing crime in your area in the future. 

What makes you think that you would be a danger to staff or the dogs during volunteering? 

You mentioned having thoughts of wanting to die, which can be extremely tough to cope with. I've put some crisis resources in the spoiler below which may be of use if you feel you are unable to keep yourself safe, or feel you are going to act on your thoughts.

Spoiler

- Crisis Messenger are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text 'THEMIX' to 85258 and talk to them about anything. 

- Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123. They also have some online services here. 

- Papyrus have a helpline that is open 9am – 10pm weekdays and 2pm – 10pm on weekends. You can call them on 0800 068 4141. 

- If you have any concerns for your health or safety, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E.  

Regarding your diabetes, it sounds like something that is worth mentioning to your GP who may be able to suggest ways to monitor your condition.

The doctors may also be able to help with your sleeping problems, if you feel comfortable mentioning that to them. In the meantime, Mind has an excellent article here about techniques to help you with sleep that is worth a read if you get the chance! 

It's not silly at all that your hamster helped you calm down, you must have had a strong bond between you Have you thought about asking your landlord about this? They can be a lot more leniant around keeping smaller pets. 

You've done so well to express your feelings on the boards, please do carry on letting us know how you get on remember that we are all here for you on the boards. 

L100

PoppyB said:

Hey @L100 it sounds as though there is a lot going on at the moment and you're struggling to cope. Do you have anyone you can speak to about how you're feeling, such as friends or family?

It sounds frustrating to report things to the police and not have any real outcomes. However it's important to remember that the information that was gathered during the investigation will still be on file and they may re-open the case if new evidence comes to light. It will also assist in detecting and preventing crime in your area in the future. 

What makes you think that you would be a danger to staff or the dogs during volunteering? 

You mentioned having thoughts of wanting to die, which can be extremely tough to cope with. I've put some crisis resources in the spoiler below which may be of use if you feel you are unable to keep yourself safe, or feel you are going to act on your thoughts.

Spoiler

- Crisis Messenger are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text 'THEMIX' to 85258 and talk to them about anything. 

- Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123. They also have some online services here. 

- Papyrus have a helpline that is open 9am – 10pm weekdays and 2pm – 10pm on weekends. You can call them on 0800 068 4141. 

- If you have any concerns for your health or safety, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E.  

Regarding your diabetes, it sounds like something that is worth mentioning to your GP who may be able to suggest ways to monitor your condition.

The doctors may also be able to help with your sleeping problems, if you feel comfortable mentioning that to them. In the meantime, Mind has an excellent article here about techniques to help you with sleep that is worth a read if you get the chance! 

It's not silly at all that your hamster helped you calm down, you must have had a strong bond between you Have you thought about asking your landlord about this? They can be a lot more leniant around keeping smaller pets. 

You've done so well to express your feelings on the boards, please do carry on letting us know how you get on remember that we are all here for you on the boards. 

Thanks however things still seem bad. I still feel like I just want to run away especially to as more issues have cost me finacally (due to some idiots damaging both my bicycles recently) even though the first time I did end up reporting it through online to police they tried getting back the day I did go to volunteering so missed it and then I tried calling back becuse I got a messaged too and well it went to voicemail and now they’ve probably filed it as the message was on Thursday and would file it if haven’t heard within 3 days and it’s been 3 days since I called on Saturday.   The truth is due to these recent incidents Ive gotten reckless and whenever anyone confronts me j struggle to talk about this stuff. So either things get too late or I end up damaging things by mistake.  Doesn’t help this happend to one of the local shopping centres, differnet security kept asking me and that just made me moe annoyed as I just wanted to be left alone to the point I damaged the doors and then police got called.  

It just seems like every time I’m in out I always get targeted. Like before I had a lot of issues with delivery cyclists calling me names and threats. Last Saturday I got called a rude name and threats on a bus. My friend wasn’t helpful at the time. Neither security or police were doing anything. Tuesday I was on way home from work. I was having issues at home as explained above too the point someone damaged my 1st bike which is a road bike I knew there was damage as a wheel was buckled however this isn’t the only damage which happend Halfords checked jf over and now all the damage is going to cost. £180 which is already all my work earnings from my job and this incident wasn’t very far for my work place and then yesterday after my friend went off some teenagers caused damage to my mtb luckily a different bike shop was nice enough to fix it as it was just the hanger that got bent and loose brake. However this costed me £20. So overall this has costed me £200 overall due to damages that I didn’t caused. Even though yesterday the security kicked the teenagers off sight that day. I still have cuts and bruises from that day and I’m worried there going to do simialr things next time I see them.  It seems things are hopeless as no one security or police don’t seem to anything yet when I do things I seems to get in trouble. I can’t help my reaction gets delayed and the more things push me the harder I do thing and I only got let go of the doors damage because they understood why I did it and said as long as I agree to pay and I did Agree as I didnt want to get arrested.   

 But I kind of find it unfair becuse people that damaged my bike get away with it even though there on my helmet camera and CCTV most likely.

I have no idea how much this is going to cost I’m waiting for those people to get back to me. 

I’m afraid if these guys end up finding where I work or volunteer they’ll end up causing harm there and that will cause issues with kids, animals,staff or all  the last thing I want is them to start damaging my work environments etc... or worse if they end up finding where I live.    Due to delayed reaction I get too physical afterwards and too the point I can’t stop till the point When I eventually do it’s ussually too late that’s why I feel like sometimes I might end up harming something.  Doesn’t help that staff at my volunteering keep asking if things are ok

I hate speaking on the mobile which is why I’ve never called police at the time when needed as well. Not just this but when incidents happen I struggle to talk and end up freezing to the point I can’t really say anything this is ussually at the point when bystanders get  security. I never know what to say when people ask what to do and every time I get cuts/bruises  from incidents which I hope won’t get infected because when they kicked the bike onto me  the chain ring cut me slightly. Not deep luckily but still which I end up picking the scabs off as I get reminded of all similar incidents from the past which Is also what causes me to wake up early. 

I don’t know if this is me getting paranoid but I swear I recognised members from my work place around at the time so I’ve got a feeling I’m going to see them tommorow or at my animal park which opens this week.  I guess the positive is at least I have 2 bikes so I can still get to my workplace. If I didn’t have 2 I dunno what I would of done otherwise. Got a feeling my work place is going to ask tommorow as that day I went down the the river I didn’t realise was after police call the bystanders van had the council logo and where I work is owned by the council as we heave the logo on our uniform or if they notice any differences like the staff at my volunteering 

also doesn’t help that I only just noticed I have a slight pain in my foot from these last incidents, I guess i didn’t notice before because my muscles tensed up 

Jordan

Just wondering how you were doing now @L100? 

From your last post it sounded like you felt you got reckless and struggle to talk when people speak to you about the incidents. It’s normal to feel worried or nervous following incidents like these, especially if they happen often. It might be worth mentioning to your GP or a counsellor how you feel about these incidents; especially is they are effecting your mental health. 

Those damages sound really expensive. Do these incidents usually take place within the same place? It sounds like you’ve already spoken to security about these incidents, but it could be helpful to raise a formal complaint to see if there is anything the places can do about banning them fully.

You mention that it doesn’t help that the volunteering staff keep asking if you are okay. Do you feel they are asking or checking out of concern for you?

Feel free to let me know how you’ve been feeling lately.