Why

ellie2000

Why do ppl top themselves

Former Member

First of all, are you safe @ellie2000 remember the crisis messenger and samaritans are always there to listen 💖

I can't speak for others, but I can say why I wanted to 'top' myself. 

For me anyway, there wasn't just one reason, it was multiple things building up and I didn't see any other way out. Tw! 

I wasn't nieve enough to think people wouldn't miss me, I know they would, but I also thought they would move on, and soon I would just be a memory rather than something that haunted them everyday. I was in such inner turmoil and really not well, I can see that now looking back through my diary's. I went through a trauma and the world still doesn't seem the same as before, maybe I'll never see the world how I used to, but I've come to terms with that. I wanted to top myself cause I couldn't stand the pain I was in any longer, the flashbacks, nightmares, shadows, voices screaming, constantly screaming until I listened to what they wanted, but ultimately they wanted me dead. I believed I would never be loved, that others just seen me as broken, something that can't be fixed. The list could go on but just realised this could be triggering? I don't know I'll put it in a spoiler just in case...