Why

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  BubblesGoesBoo Posts: 3,590 Community Veteran

  January 2020 edited January 2020

  First of all, are you safe @ellie2000 remember the crisis messenger and samaritans are always there to listen 💖
  
  I can't speak for others, but I can say why I wanted to 'top' myself. 
  
  For me anyway, there wasn't just one reason, it was multiple things building up and I didn't see any other way out. Tw! 
  
  

  I wasn't nieve enough to think people wouldn't miss me, I know they would, but I also thought they would move on, and soon I would just be a memory rather than something that haunted them everyday. I was in such inner turmoil and really not well, I can see that now looking back through my diary's. I went through a trauma and the world still doesn't seem the same as before, maybe I'll never see the world how I used to, but I've come to terms with that. I wanted to top myself cause I couldn't stand the pain I was in any longer, the flashbacks, nightmares, shadows, voices screaming, constantly screaming until I listened to what they wanted, but ultimately they wanted me dead. I believed I would never be loved, that others just seen me as broken, something that can't be fixed. The list could go on but just realised this could be triggering? I don't know I'll put it in a spoiler just in case... 

  
  

  ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  

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