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I’m lonely and want to disappear.

Former MemberFormer Member Smol BeanPosts: 666 Incredible Poster
in Health & Wellbeing
I had this group of friends, we always chatted online, played games with each other and tried to meet up online at least once a week. But for some reason we stopped, they all seemed angry at family or stressed from work but our chats were a break from that. I haven’t spoken to any of them in ages,

I noticed that one of them had deleted me from all social media’s. They had a go at me online, they’d asked for my help but then got angry when I gave them the feedback they had asked for. which is why I assumed they blocked me, but the argument was long before we stopped talking so I suppose I might have done something else to upset them, I can’t ask them what I’ve done wrong because they’ve blocked me. I just assume it’s my fault, even if I don’t know why. 

I really wanted to let it go, forget about it and tried to tell myself that friends who abandon people aren’t real friends anyway. But I’m lonely, I want to delete all my social media and just start again. Make new friends and enjoy their company until they stop talking to me too. 

It’s Christmas soon, and I want to make sure they are all doing okay as it can be a stressful time for families and I know one of them has trouble this time of year. But maybe I shouldn’t as I’ll probably just increase the problems they already have.  

I miss having friends, our chats and jokes even if we did disagree sometimes. 

It would be nice to meet new people, at work everyone is older, so much older that I’m often mistaken for a volunteer or visitor. I don’t look my age and because of that I’m not treated my age either. But I suppose that’s an issue I’ll have to sort out another time. 

I’ve been feeling like nothing, I can’t seem to draw because my thoughts just wonder off and make me feel awful. I used to draw to escape but it’s not working. I feel like I’m just going to fade away and no one will notice or care. Or maybe I want to. But then no one would be around to take care of my animal family. 

I hope I don’t bring down anyone’s Christmas spirit. :/ 
Talking about my problems just makes me feel selfish, 
I think I need help. 


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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    I'm really sorry you feel this way. You're not bringing down the Christmas spirit at all and it's good to talk <3

    That does sound lonely. It's understandable you miss having friends and it's not your fault they left. I'm sure you're a lovely person to talk to. I'd care if you faded away and I'd love to keep you company and be your friend. You're always welcome to message me if you want to chat, though I know it's not much contact or the same :)

    Have you thought of going to events or groups or anything to find people, or is that not your thing?
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Welcome back!

    havent seen you on here for awhile so good to see you back seeing support. That does sound disheartening with being blocked with not any reason. People can become distant to us. And that mostly never our fault, like youre said they may be dealing with stressful stuff. Could you maybe get into contact with the others?

    I think you should do whatever feels best for you. Like even if that does mean deleting facebook and starting again. 

    Its good to hear you have a reason for being here & i hope that reason turns into more for yourself too. I hope you felt less alone sharing it all here <3 you sound really caring and thoughtful in wanting to see how theyre doing, and sound like would make a really nice friend so i hope things go okay or you. The world can feel like a lonely place. Dogs are great company too

    take lots of care <3
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Smol Bean Posts: 666 Incredible Poster
    Thanks,

    downloaded the meet up app months ago but haven’t used it yet, I know I should try and make new friends but I’m not very good with crowds and tend to just end up embarrassing myself when I talk to people face to face. 

    I just feel like this has happened before and I worry that if I make new friends I'll some how drive them away too. Online friends are great and I've been trying to chat more in comments or games but away from the internet I'm still on my own.  :s 

    Thanks for responding, it does help to hear that there are people out there who care :) 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Posts: 1,084 Wise Owl
    Hey Eyepatch,

    How are you doing today? We are here for you :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Smol Bean Posts: 666 Incredible Poster
    Stephanie said:
    Hey Eyepatch,

    How are you doing today? We are here for you :heart:
    Hello, 

    I keep forgetting it’s Christmas Eve haha, Ive been hanging out with a gecko I’m looking after and playing the last of us. How has your day been so far? 
    Thanks for checking in :) 

  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Posts: 660 Incredible Poster
    Hey @Eyepatch

    How has Christmas been for you so far? 😊
  • Former MemberFormer Member Smol Bean Posts: 666 Incredible Poster
    Hello @Jade09

    I'm watching the Christmas bake off, I've never watched the bake off before, it's quite fun. 

    I hope you are having a good Christmas too :) 
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Hey. Glad to hear Christmas was okay for you. ! hoping new year is good to you. <3
    It does sound lonely and going out and meeting new peopl e can sound daunting. Esp when thinking of embarrassing yourself.  I guess we have al l thought we have done that. And guess tryin g not care about what people think is hard. I get that. In my head I'm always like why do I care what people think abou t me-Wouldn't be the end of the world and true but harder to do and be confident. Was wondering if you've made any progress with that meet up app?
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Smol Bean Posts: 666 Incredible Poster
    Hello @Shaunie
    I know what you mean, it keeps me awake at night, worrying about what other people are saying and thinking about me. I try to do my best so everyone can be happy but it never seems good enough or I mess it up somehow. 
    I open the app sometimes to see what's happening close by but it's very worrying meeting new people, I wish I had the confidence to just walk up to people and say hello, but I guess they might find that weird. :/ 

    How was your Christmas? I hope you are doing something fun for new years :)
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    It is really hard. Like to even make friends. Even to make convo is so hard, esp when thoughts are going all over the place. Sometimes maybe finding the right people i guess & the longer you get to kno them. The less anxiety provoking it will be- i hope so anyway.  I dunno if that gives you any hope. 

    My christmas was okay thank you! New years was shit. I hope you youre doing okay <3
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • ellie2000ellie2000 Posts: 4,314 Community Veteran
    I don't have many friends, all my good friends moved away. The friends I make now r wrongens
    Crazy mad insane
  • Former MemberFormer Member Smol Bean Posts: 666 Incredible Poster
    I made some online friends on a mobile game, does that count? I still get nervous chatting online to them but they are all very nice people. Tho I don't think I'll ever meet up with them in person. 
    I didn't get out of bed until 1pm today, but I cleaned up the house a bit. 
    I hope everyone is having a good 2020 so far. 
    I don't really know what I'm doing. 
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