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a little scared to spend time with my dad for Christmas

L100L100 Posts: 128 The Mix Convert
edited December 2019 in Sex & Relationships
I’ve kept this a secret from most people.
During my childhood when we lived in Singapore and I was between 4-7 and then Spain. (My brother was 8-9 in Singapore). So this happend when we were in Singapore and Spain (we were a bit older in Spain) 
Me and my brother used to get hit a lot by my dad and my older brother got locked in his room with no dinner. I also got into a lot of trouble at primary school due to this issue but we were both too afraid. Because especially in Spain no one knew the main language and most people speak Spanish. Including their authorities that’s why we never told anyone. I also think this is the reason my older brother doesn’t spend Christmas and come to Netherlands and isn’t keen on it becuse it happend all years to both of us till we moved to England . I don’t think he can forgive dad and even though my dad apologised last time I saw him. It’s just too late and I find it hard to forgive him.
I also hope he’s treating my half brother who is 6 ok because I don’t want the same thing to happen to him.

like I feel like Christmas  is supposed to be a time to spend time with family, my older brother and mum never join as they hate my dad. However I’m staying with him in another area of England tommorow  and then flying to Netherlands However I just can’t get my trust back or forgive him from those because I feel like if that never happened i would of done better at school, our family would still be together and I also worry about my half brother who lives with my dad and the puppy. I hope there not getting treated badly like me and my brother did. 

Also another thing is I also get these bad memories especially around holidays  which caused me to get a bit violent on Friday to the point I almost scared my housemate. Luckily she forgot about it.

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    coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 1,054 Wise Owl
    Hi @L100, 

    You did so well to share this with us today. I really understand it can be difficult to speak about things like this, and the language barriers in Spain. It's absolutely not your fault that you weren't able to speak about it before :heart: But I was wondering if you do have any trusted adults you can speak to about how you are feeling now - or how you would feel about seeking any further support?

    You are so right, Christmas is about family, and so you, and your other family members too, all really deserve to feel safe and supported. So if you are able to speak to anyone that would be really great - you really don't deserve to go through this alone :heart:

    You also did well to share that you were a bit violent on Friday. Are you and your housemate both okay? :smile: You might find it helpful to read through Childline's advice page here all about how to cope with anger and similar difficult feelings that may lead to violence. :heart:

    Take good care x
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Heya 
     Its understandable to not be able to forgive or trust him again. Also wishing he is treating your brother okay too. I'm sorry to hear you'll spend Christmas with someone you don't trust. Can be hear to spend any time with people we don't trust. 
    I'm sorry I'm replying to this a bit late cause bit last christmas, I was wondering how your Christmas was and if you're still with him. I really hope you're okay 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    L100L100 Posts: 128 The Mix Convert
    Shaunie said:
    Heya 
     Its understandable to not be able to forgive or trust him again. Also wishing he is treating your brother okay too. I'm sorry to hear you'll spend Christmas with someone you don't trust. Can be hear to spend any time with people we don't trust. 
    I'm sorry I'm replying to this a bit late cause bit last christmas, I was wondering how your Christmas was and if you're still with him. I really hope you're okay 
    It was a ok, although doesn’t help that he complains at everything I do. Sounds silly but my dads puppy always cheered me up  and I got a couple of good presents though and got to see my dutch grandparents.

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