a messy splurge of struggles

itsquietuptown

struggling with this season because i don’t feel at all festive and my family don’t really either and i just don’t want christmas to happen because i don’t want to have to act happy and do small talk and everything.
i have to have a blood test in christmas eve to check whether i have any deficiencies that could be affecting my mental health. depending on the outcome, i might be referred (self-referral by me and my mum) to camhs. i’m very scared about the blood test because i’m not good with needles and have fainted with injections before. i know i need more help but i don’t know what i’ll get from camhs. i might have to wait ages and i don’t know what to do in the meantime.
i’m also really having a lot of difficulty with my sleep. it takes me a while to get to sleep because my brain is buzzing with anxiety and stress. when i finally get to sleep i have bad, stressful dreams that make me really anxious. i wake up lots of times during the night and it often feels like i’ve barely slept. i’m always exhausted and going to sleep just doesn’t make a difference. this morning i woke up and i didn’t recognise where i was, even though i was in my own bedroom. i’ve been making a big effort for months to have a good bedtime routine to improve my sleep. i would appreciate some advice on how to sleep better if anyone has any.
i also have my a level mocks after this holiday and i’m really stressed. i’m trying to just look after myself because i really need to, but i’ve also been a fairly high achiever and i just hate the idea of not doing well. 
i’m trying to just things a day or half a day at a time because everything is just so overwhelming. i’m scared i’m going to end up going back to relying on old bad coping mechanisms. 

Former Member

Heey

It's okay not to feel festive, you say you and your mam, so I'm guessing she knows about your mental health? Could you try explain to her that you don't want to feel pressured into being happy? My family know Christmas is hard for me so they make sure not to put any additional pressure on me and they don't just expect me to be happy and that's really helped  

I don't know what to suggest about the blood test, just know Dr's see people fainting from needles all the time, their trained to help so your in the best place and safe hands.
As for sleep, could you mention this to your gp? Depending on age they may be able to prescribe something to help in the short term which could help you find a better sleeping pattern. Some things that help me are writing my thoughts down before I go to bed so theyre not swirling around in my head. Also doing something to keep me distracted before bed other than technology, so I do colouring or painting, just something to keep me focused.
It's important to remember how far you've come when thinking about going back to old behaviours, how hard it was to overcome them, and how it made you feel in the past, it may of helped in the short term, but in the long run I'm guessing it was damaging/ you regret it. 

Siena

Heya,
I hope you got some sleep when you said youll try! 

It does sound like a lot of stress atm with christmas coming and your mocks. It sounds like youre really self aware of reason behind things and really are trying which is great! It can be a shit time of the year and doesnt help when already have other stresses. Sometimes someone warm helps me feel a but more tired and not staying too much of your time in bed since will not feel like a place youe meant to sleep. Is there anything that calms you that you could do before bed? It sounds like a time you romate on your thoughts so also doing anything that could clear your head a lil bit. Like writing how you day was or anything that stressed you durning the day- could post on here or write it down? 

Its really good youre getting your blood tests done. I have a few defincecy from my lack of eating but i sleep way too much. But it can def make me feel very tired and sometimes dizzy and no motivation. So its good to check that out. But even if youre defincent in something it shouldnt completly write off how you feel as i feel so tired even when im not defiencent and thats just depression. 

Take care of your self!<3

Former Member

Hey @itsquietuptown

Christmas can be a hard season for a lot of people, so you definitely aren't alone in feeling how you do about it, there can be a lot of pressure placed on us from society to feel a certain way, when in fact sometimes that just isn't how it is, maybe try to see Christmas as a time to spend with family and being grateful rather than as the event itself, but remember that if you aren't feeling it then that's completely okay!

Here is an article from The Mix that shares how to look after yourself over the Christmas period and explores some  of the reasons why Christmas may be difficult for some! just overall a really useful read if you have a chance.   

You mentioned about having your blood test on Christmas eve and feeling scared about it due to the needles, which is understandable if you haven't had good experiences with it in the past. Depending on the outcome you may be referred to CAMHS and you said that you aren't sure on what you would get from them in terms of support and it seems like you are worried about how to cope while you are on a waiting list, if that is the case. Are you receiving any other support at the moment currently? 

Its understandable that you may find sleeping difficult if you are feeling anxious and stressed, @Shaunie mentioned some great ideas in her response that may definitely be worth trying! 

Have you ever tried adding meditation into your sleep routine? Sometimes it can be really beneficial in helping to clear the mind of any worries, or to just allow you to acknowledge that they are there and manage them better. There are some great apps free apps such as Head space, Calm and Stop Breathe and Think, they can be found on the Apple store or Google Play! Also this website has some meditation techniques and talks about how it can help with improving your sleep, may be worth taking a look at! 

Of course with your A-level mocks coming up, that may not be helping with how things are at the minute and its understandable to be stressed. You are doing really well though, it really shows how strong you are.