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My friend

LubnaLubna Posts: 496 Rampant Poster
My mum is right and my friend is using me but I obviously cant say that on the phone to my mum or agree whilst my friend is here my friend hasent gaven me back what she owed me from the day we fell out and she didnt help me out when she got paid last week. I'm thinking of just going to mine tomorrow not telling her we've fell out but just saying I have an appointment at home tomorrow afternoon so need to go back tomorrow morning so I cant spend my money on her. It's a safety net here and I've been clinging on to that when I know I shouldnt I don't feel safe at home that's when all the suicidal intentions crop up and I act on them and evan worse I've been living here for 4 months not just seeing her daily or a few times a week. I don't know what to do..


  • LubnaLubna Posts: 496 Rampant Poster
    So angry and upset but more angry😡😡😭😭 I text a friend earlier to ask to borrow 2:50 for food and then my friend had a go at me saying I was being sneaky because I didnt tell her that I text John but she dosent tell me when she texts someone. She was saying I could put electric on for her. She says I keep starring at Niney (that's her paranoia) and John (our friend) just put electric on for her this evening and I said I was going to the chippy because I wasent going to sit there listening to them all saying alll this about me (really I was going home) because I'de had enough! my friend then had the fucking cheek to ask me to put electric on! After all she just said about me!! so I took the electric key to look like I would of put electric on and left the key on the bin. Called a taxi home and now I'm back at mine. Me and my friend are completley done now and I hope I mean that because I'de be a idiot (more than that) if I went back to her. I tried to hold back the tears in the taxi on the way to mine and when I got back I picked up something to harm myself with but then put it down because it's her fault. I havent done nothing wrong so why should I induce pain on me!? So I hope I carry on going through this evening without harming myself💪
  • PoppyBPoppyB Posts: 174 Moderator
    Hey @Lubna, it's really brave of you to share how you're feeling.

    I'm sorry to hear you've fallen out with your friend, it sounds really stressful, especially with her not paying you what she owes as well as the situation about the electric.

    I thought I would check in to see how you are feeling today? It's fantastic to hear that you were trying to go through the evening without self-harming even though you felt so angry and upset. Is there anything else that was causing you to want to self harm? 

    If you ever feel the urge to hurt yourself again, try and remind yourself what you said about 'knowing that you haven't done anything wrong so why should you induce pain'. It's a really empowering sentiment <3

    If you ever feel like you want further support with self harm, you can always reach out to The Mix helpline at 0808 808 4994 or download Calm Harm which is a free app providing support and strategies to help you work through the urge to self-harm. 
  • LubnaLubna Posts: 496 Rampant Poster
    edited December 2019
    Not feeling good😥 I still havent self harmed but those thoughts have now gone to ideas of ending my life. It's gone pass wanting to self harm. The person who raped me is due for release in January and the people inside of me are a mixture which is causing me to want to end my life. Really strong😥
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 743 Incredible Poster
    Hi @Lubna

    It sounds like there's a lot going on at the moment with your friends and the release in January - I'm really sorry to hear about this and how bad it's making you feel.

    Are there any distraction techniques you use that work for you? For me, when I'm starting to get sad I try and watch stupid/funny/animal Youtube clips to take myself away from the situation or go out for a run to try and clear my head. I know not always that simple but sometimes small steps can make a difference. 

    Sending you hugs and keep chatting to us here if it helps <3

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • LubnaLubna Posts: 496 Rampant Poster
    Music is the best healthy distraction technique for me ❤
  • coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 363 Rampant Poster
    Hi @Lubna

    Music is such a great distraction technique, so it's really lovely to hear that it helps you :heart: What sort of music do you find distracts you the most? 

    Also just wanted to send you some hugs and support. We are here for you :heart:
  • BUSEERD98BUSEERD98 Posts: 7 Newbie
    Hi @Lubna

    I hope you are doing well! It can be very difficult when you have problems in your friendships. I understand how stressful it can be for you with also the release in January. 

    How is everything going for you now? Have you been able to keep yourself distracted? I could recommend a very good book for you that would be a great distraction! It is called the "The little book of mindfulness" - This book will teach you a lot about becoming aware of your own emotions and to help reduce stress. 

    I am sending you lots of hugs! <3
    Keep us updated. 
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 8,137 Boards Champion
    Heya lubna. Hows your relationship with your friend now?  Never a nice feeling to be used. 
    Stop imagining fake scenarios and hurting your own feelings 
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