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Don’t know what to do

Millie2787Millie2787 .Posts: 2,225 Mega Poster
I’m really struggling with my anxiety and depression, I’m exsaughted  from the constant daily battle of trying to be happy And nights can get really bad where the thoughts of wanting to die go round and round my head and ever since dad went missing and eventually came back I just feel like everyone is tiptoeing around him so I end up with all of there bad moods taken out on me , the constant arguing and shouting just gets me down even more .

i just feel like I’m stuck at a dead end with trying to get help.

Ive Been through 3 lots of CBT (2 group and one Individual), countless self help books and I just still feel like I’m not getting much better it just feels like things are getting worse.

last week on Monday I had an appointment with a mental health nurse and all she could offer me was a booklet to do and she would see be again in 4/5 weeks so see how I was getting in with the booklet , undoubtedly ive done this booklet a million times before.

and I feel really bad for saying this but I get jealous of those who have support of different services and it makes me think what Did they do to make professionals believe them and not me even though there in different areas to me and I know support is such a huge post code lottery and I just feel like I’m in an area where there is literally nothing. 

It’s almost like everyone tries to downplay my problems for there convenience and because I’m used to being happy all he time they don’t think that the problems are as bad as I’m making out them to be.

i have an appointment with the GP at half 2 , not my normal one but after last night I just couldn’t carry on trying to last until the end of the month when I see my normal one. I just really don’t know what to do or say to anyone anymore to get them to listen 
“ I believe that you have the power to achieve whatever you put your mind too, You are living a life’s most people won’t  ever understand but that’s what will Be the root of all your determination and success. You have a soul full of love and kindness and I just know that despite all the hardship, a life’s of happiness awaits you and I’m very proud of you, just keep holding on” 
Butterfly23hydrangeaKathleen07Jade09

Comments

  • hydrangeahydrangea EnglandPosts: 26 Cool Newbie
    Hi Millie,

    I'm really sorry you're experiencing these feelings of anxiety and depression. I relate to those feelings heavily. I'm also sorry that people have downplayed your problems: they are very real and very valid. And I know what you mean about the mental health nurse and the self help booklet, that's all I was ever given during my adolescence and it doesn't really help that much, does it? The NHS desperately needs more funding in mental health treatment.

    Having said, I'm proud of you for continuing to ask for help. I hope your appointment with the GP went well, and I pray you get the support you need. Good luck on your journey, I hope you get better soon <3
    I reserve my right to feel uncomfortable, reserve my right to be afraid
    I make mistakes and I am humbled every step of the way
    I want to be a better person, I wanna know the master plan
    Cast your stones, cast your judgement, you don't make me who I am.
    Aife
  • Millie2787Millie2787 . Posts: 2,225 Mega Poster
    I spoke to the lady yesterday and she said she’s going to write to adult sévices to see if they will have me yet as CAMHS and take me back but then adults may not have me becuase I’m not quite 18 .

    having a really difficult time today and I just feel so horrible , just hope something is sorted soon :( 
    “ I believe that you have the power to achieve whatever you put your mind too, You are living a life’s most people won’t  ever understand but that’s what will Be the root of all your determination and success. You have a soul full of love and kindness and I just know that despite all the hardship, a life’s of happiness awaits you and I’m very proud of you, just keep holding on” 
  • Millie2787Millie2787 . Posts: 2,225 Mega Poster
    I just really feel like I’ve hit and brick wall and can’t stop thinking what will happen I’d CARS (adult services) refuse to have me :( I hate being stuck at this hate it’s stupid and horrible where your too old to go back to CAMHS but then your too young to be with adult services and he only option it a stupid low level mental health service who won’t even do anything other than give you a stupid self help book which I haven’t even got letter she said she was going to send , maybe she had forgotten about me just like everyone else does , just not important enough to be a concern to them anymore :( 

    im just and i know I’ve said this loads of times but it’s leaving me so tired and the thoughts and things keep me up at night to the point off I fell asleep briefly in my first lesson this morning🙃
    “ I believe that you have the power to achieve whatever you put your mind too, You are living a life’s most people won’t  ever understand but that’s what will Be the root of all your determination and success. You have a soul full of love and kindness and I just know that despite all the hardship, a life’s of happiness awaits you and I’m very proud of you, just keep holding on” 
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 6,196 The Mix Elder
    Heyy. Your age shouldnt affect their decision on if they wanted to take you on the adult services. Since they will see if you need to be under a service and if they thought yeah, they would take you cause they know camhs wouldnt. When i was with camhs being referred to adults, they did the referred way before i was 17 (17 where i live). And few months before my 17th. So shouldnt affect it
    “If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care” Marvin J. Ashton
  • Millie2787Millie2787 . Posts: 2,225 Mega Poster
    It’s hard for my area @Shaunie there really strict on age limits because we have such little funding so for adults we have to be 18 , and supposedly healthy minds is meant to be the gap fill between being too old for CAMHS and too young for adults and ruby ill
    be surprised if they carry on seeing me if I get an assessment because that’s all I seem to get is an assessment and nothing else
    “ I believe that you have the power to achieve whatever you put your mind too, You are living a life’s most people won’t  ever understand but that’s what will Be the root of all your determination and success. You have a soul full of love and kindness and I just know that despite all the hardship, a life’s of happiness awaits you and I’m very proud of you, just keep holding on” 
    GreenTea
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 6,196 The Mix Elder
    edited October 10
    Ah yeah assessments doesnt always mean you will be offered support. They should realise cant be under camhs so would take you if needed, they can be strick on age but by the time on waiting list would be 18 anyway so think they take that into account. 
    “If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care” Marvin J. Ashton
  • Millie2787Millie2787 . Posts: 2,225 Mega Poster
    *TW *

    @shaunie funny enough I don’t think they have a long waiting list Becuase there so bloody strict on who they will see let’s face it probs will just end up dead by the time someone takes me seriously and offers me support again :( 
    “ I believe that you have the power to achieve whatever you put your mind too, You are living a life’s most people won’t  ever understand but that’s what will Be the root of all your determination and success. You have a soul full of love and kindness and I just know that despite all the hardship, a life’s of happiness awaits you and I’m very proud of you, just keep holding on” 
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 6,196 The Mix Elder
    edited October 10
    Ah oh. Every nhs thingy has to see a certain amount of people under a service for their target so their waiting list is probably long. Because of all the people they have to cram into their staff.  but i don’t know. 
    But The adults restrictions are a lot higher than camhs. Ive sat in the assessments and meetings to see if they can person will be allowed under the service and a lot of people was declined eventho they sounded very unwell. Not to make you lose hope. But its the reality of it all unfortunately
    “If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care” Marvin J. Ashton
  • Millie2787Millie2787 . Posts: 2,225 Mega Poster
    Yeah I guess but now that kinda makes me loose hope even more but saying  that , that’s your area no saying that my area is the same @Shaunie 🤷🏻‍♀️
    “ I believe that you have the power to achieve whatever you put your mind too, You are living a life’s most people won’t  ever understand but that’s what will Be the root of all your determination and success. You have a soul full of love and kindness and I just know that despite all the hardship, a life’s of happiness awaits you and I’m very proud of you, just keep holding on” 
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 6,196 The Mix Elder
    Ah yeah i think all of adult services are really high things to get under now cause of underfunded everywhere. I think its just to be aware so dont feel too disappointed if they didnt take you on. If that makes sense
    “If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care” Marvin J. Ashton
  • Millie2787Millie2787 . Posts: 2,225 Mega Poster
    Your right  :( 

    I don’t know why I’m bothering even thinking that there going  to take me Becuase there probs not. Ahhh just ignore this thread now , no point comments anymore 
    “ I believe that you have the power to achieve whatever you put your mind too, You are living a life’s most people won’t  ever understand but that’s what will Be the root of all your determination and success. You have a soul full of love and kindness and I just know that despite all the hardship, a life’s of happiness awaits you and I’m very proud of you, just keep holding on” 
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 6,196 The Mix Elder
    edited October 10
    You dont know that for sure. Sorry. I was trying to give you hope that they may still take you on regradeless of your age not being at 18 yet but always best to be mindful of all possible outcomes. Doesnt mean they wont take you on though
    “If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care” Marvin J. Ashton
  • Millie2787Millie2787 . Posts: 2,225 Mega Poster
    Cancelled my phone call with the doctor today just really am not In the mood , have already walked out of a lesson crying today 😕
    “ I believe that you have the power to achieve whatever you put your mind too, You are living a life’s most people won’t  ever understand but that’s what will Be the root of all your determination and success. You have a soul full of love and kindness and I just know that despite all the hardship, a life’s of happiness awaits you and I’m very proud of you, just keep holding on” 
  • RileyRiley Posts: 324 Super Moderator
    Hey @Millie2787 sorry to hear that you're feeling so rough today, is there anything specific you want to talk about? You mentioned that you started crying during a lesson, was there something specific about the lesson that upset you?

    I hope you manage to reschedule your phone call with your doctor for when you're feeling a bit more up to it. Have you got any plans for what you're gonna do today instead? Maybe just take a day to look after yourself if that feels best for you. :heart:
  • Millie2787Millie2787 . Posts: 2,225 Mega Poster
    Hi @Riley

    I just kind of got overwhelmed in the lesson and was getting really stressed so just ended up walking out and crying in the quiet room for Abit but had a good friend messaging me to try and keep me calm <3

    I have appointment with my normal Gp a week Monday so I’m hoping she’ll have some news about other options that we can try. 

    I’ve got quite a lot of coursework to finish but I’m super tired today as didn’t sleep much so might leave that till tomorrow 
    “ I believe that you have the power to achieve whatever you put your mind too, You are living a life’s most people won’t  ever understand but that’s what will Be the root of all your determination and success. You have a soul full of love and kindness and I just know that despite all the hardship, a life’s of happiness awaits you and I’m very proud of you, just keep holding on” 
  • Millie2787Millie2787 . Posts: 2,225 Mega Poster
    Finding it really difficult to find the motivation to do things this weekend, been trying to find a new job as I’m struggling to get through the month now I’ve started to learn to drive and mum and dad won’t lend me any money anymore other then to pay for my bus fare.

    life and things just seem so difficult and the thoughts are just so loud and  intense this weekend :(
    “ I believe that you have the power to achieve whatever you put your mind too, You are living a life’s most people won’t  ever understand but that’s what will Be the root of all your determination and success. You have a soul full of love and kindness and I just know that despite all the hardship, a life’s of happiness awaits you and I’m very proud of you, just keep holding on” 
  • AifeAife LondonPosts: 2,043 Staff Moderator
    @Millie2787 I really hope your next appointment with your GP goes okay. Hopefully there are some options they can offer you. Just echoing what @hydrangea said, I'm really proud you're continuing to reach out for help. It sounds like it's been really difficult not getting the support you're hoping for and continuing to be let down by lots of professionals. Keep fighting for it and don't give up because you really deserve this support. <3

    I was wondering if your local NHS offers IAPT services and the option to self-refer yourself for support? That might be the Healthy Minds you've mentioned already, but you can find a bit more about this over on their website here. There's also Mind and they list lots of support options in your area, hopefully that might be another option for you.

    Keep us updated with how everything is going. Good luck with your coursework too. I hope you manage to complete it today :)
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • Millie2787Millie2787 . Posts: 2,225 Mega Poster
    @Aife healthy minds was the self refferal option but I was referred after being in hospital and mind dosent offer anything in my area , my area is litreally so limited with options of those who can’t afford to go private . Haven’t managed to get much of my coursework done this weekend as my sister had been in hospital so worrying about her and the baby :( 
    “ I believe that you have the power to achieve whatever you put your mind too, You are living a life’s most people won’t  ever understand but that’s what will Be the root of all your determination and success. You have a soul full of love and kindness and I just know that despite all the hardship, a life’s of happiness awaits you and I’m very proud of you, just keep holding on” 
    AifeJade09
  • Jade09Jade09 EnglandPosts: 142 Moderator
    Hey Millie,

    It sounds like things are pretty tough for you at the moment, but you have done really well to reach out on the boards!  :)

    It must be frustrating that there aren't many services in your area, it's understandably going to cause you to feel like your options are limited and it's really not fair when you are reaching out for support and not being offered anything so sending you massive hugs  <3

    I hope that when you see your GP they will listen, and provide you with some more options for support so definitely let us know how that goes. Is there any distractions or coping techniques that have been helping just a little bit recently? 

    It's understandable that you might be worrying about your sister and her baby if they have been in hospital, would you like to talk more about this and how it is worrying you?  <3 Try not too put too much pressure on yourself to complete the coursework if you aren't feeling up too it and do you feel that it may be possible to speak to your teachers if you are falling behind a little? 

    I really do hope things start to look up for you soon, in the meantime you are always welcome here and we will always try to support you!

    Jade

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