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Anxiety- How can I manage?

DancerDancer Community Champion Posts: 7,788 Master Poster
in Health & Wellbeing
Hi everyone,

First of all I just wanted to say thank you to @Aife for helping me make this discussion. I just found it in my messages from 2 and a bit weeks ago but it is still relevant to me.

I have had such a hard time recently and I am struggling to stay strong and keep fighting.

My anxiety has been getting really bad recently and it has gotten to a point where I am basically mute at school except when it is absolutely necessary. My anxiety has gotten really bad due to the bullying I was experiencing in year 7 and year 8 starting again. 

This time it has mainly been people running away from me, people making me cry, horrible comments made about me, people avoiding me for no reason and name calling. Last time it was loads more stuff and I will not mention it because it could be very triggering. It makes me cry a lot, feel lonely and hated and not want to talk or go to class when I am at school. 

I really cannot stay strong although I have tried so hard. I feel like I have stayed strong for too long. I break down to tears a lot when I am at school and sometimes in my bedroom at home.

I would like some advice about how to deal with my anxiety when speaking and being in a group at school. I would also just like people to listen if I need also good rant.
"There's a part of me I can't get back. A little girl grew up too fast. All it took was once. I'll never be the same." ~ Demi Lovato
"The way that I have found the light in my life is through the expressive arts because I know that I will be accepted for the way I am." ~ Me
"I'm going to get strong again and see you soon. " ~ Anonymous 

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    coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 1,054 Wise Owl
    edited September 2019
    Hi @Kasa2103

    Firstly I just wanted to say a massive well done for making this thread! Talking about anxiety isn't always an easy thing to do, so you've already shown so much strength just by speaking out today :smile::heart:

    It sounds like you are going through a really difficult time with your anxiety at the moment, especially due to bullying. I want you to know that bullying is absolutely never okay and you really really don't deserve to be going through that. As this happens at school I am wondering if you have spoken to any teachers or trusted adults about this before? Your school has a duty to make sure you feel safe and supported always :heart: In the meantime, you are always more than welcome to talk to us here about it. Also, Childline have a Bullying Discussion Board which is a place where you can talk to other young people going through the same thing, and learn some of their advice and coping tips - and hopefully read some positive stories about how they beat bullying and how things really do get better.  

    I can see you would like advice with your anxiety when speaking and being in groups, and also just people to listen. We are absolutely always here to listen, so you've got that one covered :smile: In terms of anxiety when speaking, I'm wondering if you have a school counsellor who you could speak to? Of course this in itself might be frightening, and I promise you that's very normal, so one idea might be to write them a letter or an email instead. The Mix also have a helpful article on Social Anxiety, which is essentially anxiety around social situations eg school and speaking in groups. which you might find useful. They have some links for further support at the bottom of the article too which I hope can help in some way :smile: And my own personal advice is to work up in baby steps - and praise yourself for every tiny achievement. If you can perhaps raise your hand in class, say hello to someone who you think might be a nice friend, or even speak to a teacher about the things going on, that would be a huge achievement. And the more the small achievements add up, you will realise just how strong and capable you are :smile:

    If you feel like you have stayed strong for too long, please know that it is absolutely okay to cry and ask for help when you need it. You really deserve it :heart:

    Take good care - it would be great to hear how you get on x 
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    edited September 2019
    Hey Kasa  :) 

    Speaking in a group when you have anxiety can often be a really difficult thing . I can sympathise with you there as I have Social anxiety so really can understand how difficult it is for you. I know you’ve mentioned about being assessed for autism too and for a lot autistic people sometimes social anxiety and anxiety in general can come hand in hand with a autism diagnosis. So here’s a link to the NHS page about social anxiety for when you want to have a look if and when you feel ready 

    https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-anxiety/

    Sometimes the best thing we can do is go Actually I’m going to ignore all of those irrational anxious thoughts and try to think of the more rational version but this can take a lot time to essentially master ,not even I’m there yet !  ,

    I remember something my CAMHS worker spoke to me about and it’s all about “exposure ladder ” where you would draw a ladder and at the top of that ladder you would write a situation that creates such immense anxiety that you would never ever do it and what you do is starting from the bottom you would break that situation down into more manageable steps and each section of the ladder would have a bigger task in. And slowly through the months you work your way up the ladder at your own pace and you begin to realise Yeah , I can do this.

    I know that’s quite a lot for you to take in so let me show you the ladder I sat and did she Vicky my worker who helped me prepare for the big task of speaking at the conference as I know sometimes visuals can help explain the theory behind things :) 

    I’ve popped it in a spolier do it dosent turn this into a huge message. You can decorate it as much or as little as you want and even stick it on your wall or wardrobe or inside a notebook . I had this one stuck on the side of my wardrobe.



    If you need help doing one if it’s something you think could help you can always let me know here or send me a PM and I’ll be more than happy to help you break it down into little steps :) 

    I promise that with time the anxiety does get more manageable, it’s just about finding the right things that work for you and the hardest part is sticking st them even if you feel like they don’t work <3
    Post edited by Millie2787 on
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    edited September 2019
    Heyy,

    well done for posting here <3. Its sounds so horrible for people to be bullying you. You dont deserve that. 

    Do you have anything that helps you with anxiety? Or has helped in the past?

    i think the best thing is not ignoring your thoughts or how youre feeling cause thats when we pay more attention. Its like saying do not think about a hamster with sunglasses like... im just picturing a hamster with sunglasses now lol.  And because your feelings and thoughts are valid and is okay to think about them. Mindfullness helps me with anxiety and you can be mindful in many ways including how you feel/think. So you can think "okay i feel really sad cause people are being horrible- its understandable to be sad about it but theyre the ones in the wrong" i know obviously a lot easier said than done. Bullying is horrible & theres nothing wrong with you. 
    & Can also be mindful in whats around us- looking at things in detail- it can calm your breath when focusing on like the spefic patten of wood on a table - for example. 


    I believe in you and you are def a warrior (read a different post of yours) <3
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    I don't have much to add, but I wanted to send you hugs Kasa <3 You don't deserve to be going through this and it's understandable that it makes you feel lonely and hated. Bullying is sadly really common and remember it's them, not you.
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    PoppyBPoppyB Posts: 228 Trailblazer
    edited October 2019
    Hey @Kasa2103 how are you feeling today? 

    As others have said above, it's fantastic that you have made this post to reach out for some help with your anxiety. Everyone here at The Mix is here to listen and support you in whatever way we can, especially if you need to rant.

    I can't imagine how difficult the bullying must be and the anxiety is it causing you, as well as making you feel hated and lonely. You are so strong and resilient <3

    What sort of support do you have available at the moment? Would you feel comfortable speaking to your parents or school counsellor or a teacher about the bullying and how it is affecting your mental wellbeing?

    Regarding support for speaking in large groups, @Millie2787 posted an excellent exposure ladder which is a great resource. 

    I have found a helpful article from The Mix here, which gives a few tips:
    1. Do something every day that scares you. We know this sounds like stupidly scary advice but research shows that confronting the thing that frightens us on a regular basis is super effective in reducing anxiety.
    2. It can help to rank difficult situations in order of how anxious they make you feel. Example: No.1. Talking to a stranger on the phone – No.10. Making a speech. Start by confronting the least scary thing on your list and work your way up. There’s no rush to get to number 10.   
    3. Try to remain in a situation until your anxiety reduces by at least half. For example, if you’re at a social event try to avoid hiding in the loos or leaving as soon as you arrive. If you give yourself time for your anxiety to calm down, this should be a real confidence boost.  
    4. Try to focus on the here and now. If you’re at a social event, try to focus on the conversation and the people around you. By doing this you’ll be less focused on yourself and the way you’re acting. This is where something like mindfulness can be really helpful
    If you would like any further support, have a look at AnxietyUK who run a free helpline (08444 775 774) and also provide email support, live chats and therapy services. 

    Bullying UK also have some really helpful resources here and a confidential helpline at 0808 800 2222

    Please do let us know how you get on at school and remember you are not alone in this at all <3 Sending you lots of hugs :)
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