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TW It wasn’t just...
Former Member
Posts: 177 Helping Hand
rape, that’s just a word, it was so much more than that
its for every flashback, nightmare, every unkind memory that I have of you (him)
It fills my thoughts with questions, worries, fears, mistrust, hurt
I know you (him) raped me, abused me, manipulated me, made me feel guilty for things that just weren’t me
I blamed myself for all of this time, the disgust I have for my own body, that’s why I blame myself over and over
I know I’ll go to sleep, to wake up in the middle of the night reliving the things you did to me, triggers of your presence again,
when I do I’ll feel like a helpless and defenceless child
I make myself angry for all of the space in my head you (him) are taking up!
I feel trapped and suffocated by you (him)!
You (him) made me nothing but you (him) are nothing, you (him) achieved nothing!
Sorry third person - I’ll never be strong enough to just say it any other way
its for every flashback, nightmare, every unkind memory that I have of you (him)
It fills my thoughts with questions, worries, fears, mistrust, hurt
I know you (him) raped me, abused me, manipulated me, made me feel guilty for things that just weren’t me
I blamed myself for all of this time, the disgust I have for my own body, that’s why I blame myself over and over
I know I’ll go to sleep, to wake up in the middle of the night reliving the things you did to me, triggers of your presence again,
when I do I’ll feel like a helpless and defenceless child
I make myself angry for all of the space in my head you (him) are taking up!
I feel trapped and suffocated by you (him)!
You (him) made me nothing but you (him) are nothing, you (him) achieved nothing!
Sorry third person - I’ll never be strong enough to just say it any other way
5
Comments
You are so strong and brave to be able to write about what happened and I'm so sorry you had to go through such a horrible ordeal. The line about '...but you are nothing, you achieved nothing!' is really powerful and inspiring
If you ever feel like you need more support, Rape Crisis have a free confidential hotline at 0808 802 9999 (available daily at 12-2.30pm and 7-9.30pm)