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Nobody. Nothing. Never

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 177 Helping Hand
edited September 2019 in Health & Wellbeing
Grief and emptiness for manipulation 
I’m always manipulated by my thoughts, my views, my opinions, my trust.
It doesn’t matter I’m damaged, contaminated, sad, scared, trapped, alone or dead inside.
Why empty of the bad things, the words, the silence of it all it’s all a secret. I’ve spoke about it all once, but it’s difficult to see me, I have thoughts but they stay as thoughts, scares me to say, but I’m not bothered of peoples judgments so why?
I grieve for the person I see in bad memories, in my nightmares. Little me.
I can’t cope with the burden of it all right now. 
I wasn’t completely broken then, I am now.

I don’t feel like any part of me is attached, my arms aren’t mine, my legs don’t belong to me, my heart beats but I’m not feeling or living it. Who and why am I here

Anger because I’ll never feel guilty for anyone again. I was made to feel guilty for things I wasn’t willing to do, that got ignored. If anyone tries to make me feel guilty for life, remember guilt is abuse. 

Comments

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Sending you lots of hugs ! Im glad you reach out on here. You do well to reach out & express everything. Sounds horrible for you <3
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 228 Trailblazer
    Hi @NatalieMT I thought I would check in to see how you are feeling today? As @Shaunie said, you are brave to reach out and speak about how you are feeling <3

    Your post sounds like you are struggling a lot currently, would you be able to tell me a bit more about what has caused you to feel this way? 

    If you feel as though you need any further support, feel free to reach out to The Mix helpline on 
     
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