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Suicidal thoughts, self-harm, eating-problems...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 56 Boards Initiate
edited August 2019 in Health & Wellbeing
Hi guys, I'm Madison, but feel free to call me Maddie, I'm a 13 year old girl. Right now, there lots going on in my life, like my great nan AND older brother are in hospital... They're still there after a few days... 😪... And years ago my little brother died, so my mum is still in grief. School sucks, emotional and physical abuse... I don't understand why people have to be so horrible. And in primary I got picked on because a boy liked me... I don't understand..? 😒 school now just sucks as much, and is relatively the same as primary, just with bigger douchebags. The only reason why I'm still living, is when I first came to secondary school, and I met someone who now means everything to me, she 's my best friend, and that will never change. So, what I'm trying to say is, I was literally going to kill myself near the beginning of secondary, and I mean literally, I planned it all, but then the next day after I planned it all, I met her... And I was having second thoughts, so I just pretended it didn't happen. I still have suicidal thoughts, because things are still just as bad, but when I see my bestie (who I cant, because it's the summer holidays) she always makes me smile, and in a better mood. And sorry, I may have like went on about a completely different subject, I guess it was meant to be about my mental health in a way.

Sorry again, for the long message, thanks for reading till this point. 
Take care.

- Maddie, 13

[edited by moderator] 
Post edited by TheMix on

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 40 Boards Initiate
    Hi Maddie, I have felt sucidal myself before as well so I get how you're feeling. Thanks for opening up because everyone here is really nice and can support you. I think you're taking a big step by opening up because I know how hard it is and it proves that you're stong even though you may not feel that way.  I think that you could tell someone in your family because they will want to help you or you could tell a GP and they could refer you for extra help. Im sorry to find that you feel like this and feel free to talk or vent to me whenever you want. Remember how strong you are for opening up and we can support you xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    I'm so sorry. It sounds like you're going through some really rough times <3

    I hope you know you're a really worthy person, you don't deserve to be treated the way people in school are treating you. It must be really hard to be putting up with all that.

    I'm so glad you're still here and that you have a friend who you adore. How do you feel about not being able to see her at the moment?

    Things can get better. You might not feel or think that in any way, but there is hope and I truly think you have so much to live for.

    Sending you hugs <3
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 56 Boards Initiate
    Libby said:
    Hi Maddie, I have felt sucidal myself before as well so I get how you're feeling. Thanks for opening up because everyone here is really nice and can support you. I think you're taking a big step by opening up because I know how hard it is and it proves that you're stong even though you may not feel that way.  I think that you could tell someone in your family because they will want to help you or you could tell a GP and they could refer you for extra help. Im sorry to find that you feel like this and feel free to talk or vent to me whenever you want. Remember how strong you are for opening up and we can support you xxx
    Thank you so much for the support,it's greatly appreciated :)
    I hope you are doing better :)
    And it's hard to tell someone my family... Because my mum will probably think I'm faking it, or wanting attention. That's what she always assumes, and it makes me feel worse. And I can't go to a GP without a parent... Because I'm a minor.. And if I ask to go to one, I'd have to tell my parents... And I'm too scared to say anyway...
    Thank you so much for your mind comment ;)
    Take care. xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 56 Boards Initiate
    Kathleen07 said:
    I'm so sorry. It sounds like you're going through some really rough times <3

    I hope you know you're a really worthy person, you don't deserve to be treated the way people in school are treating you. It must be really hard to be putting up with all that.

    I'm so glad you're still here and that you have a friend who you adore. How do you feel about not being able to see her at the moment?

    Things can get better. You might not feel or think that in any way, but there is hope and I truly think you have so much to live for.

    Sending you hugs <3
    Thanks for taking your time to comment and support me ;3
    And yeah school sucks..
    And not seeing her, has made things worse... I never really feel I can be happy anymore...
    And people always say that.. But sometimes I think it's not true.
    Thanks! The huge are coming back! 💙❤
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 40 Boards Initiate
    Even though you feel scared about telling a GP or your mum, remember you don't need to feel scared about telling us. We're here to support you and help you feel more understood. Take care as well and remember that the fact you're being bullied says more about them then you- they're just a bunch of morons who have nothing productive to do with their miserable lives and take their anger out on others xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 56 Boards Initiate
    Libby said:
    Even though you feel scared about telling a GP or your mum, remember you don't need to feel scared about telling us. We're here to support you and help you feel more understood. Take care as well and remember that the fact you're being bullied says more about them then you- they're just a bunch of morons who have nothing productive to do with their miserable lives and take their anger out on others xxx
    That is a very good point, and that's why I came here <3
    And you are also right about those people.. They are morons and they'd do anything to show that they're 'big'. 
    Thank you so much Libby for commenting and showing support, it means a lot to me. :')
    Take care of yourself 💙
  • Former MemberFormer Member Miniposter Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    Hey,

    I'm just popping in to say well done for sharing with us, it's a really brave thing to do and that I hope you are okay!  <3
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 56 Boards Initiate
    Butterfly23 said:
    Hey,

    I'm just popping in to say well done for sharing with us, it's a really brave thing to do and that I hope you are okay!  <3
    Hi, sorry I've took so long to reply.. It's been a rough day, like yesterday. I appreciate what you have said ;') it means a lot! I hope you are doing okay though 💜
    And you have also come here, so that makes you brave too <3
    Take care
    - Maddie
  • Former MemberFormer Member Miniposter Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    Hey,

    Thank you Maddie, if you want to talk about today then we are here to listen 💗

    Butterfly x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 56 Boards Initiate
    Hey!

    Thanks for the support, but I'm too scared to talk about it... I will when I'm ready :')
    But if you have something you want to share,you're more than welcome <3

    Take care

    - Maddie 💓
  • Former MemberFormer Member Miniposter Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    You care so much for other people and it’s lovely to hear, you don’t have to speak about anything unless you feel ready 💓
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 56 Boards Initiate
    Of course! And I'm pretty sure most people do on here <3 including yourself! Thanks so much for understanding! <3
    Take care of yourself!
    And sorry if this message was sent late in the night.. I couldn't sleep. :d 
    Bye for now!

    - Maddie
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,051 Supreme Poster
    Hi Maddie,

    I felt for you reading this because I also went through some pretty tough times at your age, I’m doing a lot better now so there really is hope and things can get better. I’m so glad you’ve reached out about this cause bottling things up can make them feel a lot harder to cope with.

    I’m so glad that your friend helps you to feel better. It’s so important to have people like that in your life so it’s great that you met her. Does she know how you’re feeling at the moment and/or how you’ve felt in the past?

    Take care :) 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 56 Boards Initiate
    Awh thanks, it's good that your doing better <3 And I have bottled things up... For years... And that's how it lead to the suicidal thoughts.

    And I really miss my bestie... These summer holidays are just too long, yes they are good, but it's also not, because it's so long! And I haven't told my bestie... But I told her a while ago about my last with self-harm, but she doesn't know I'm relapsing again, so I might plan on telling her that when I go back to school. New site, new people. It's gonna be hard, so I'm glad I have her. <3

    Thanks for your mind words! <3

    - Maddie
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,051 Supreme Poster
    edited September 18
    It’s no problem @Past User :)

    Telling your friend sounds like a great idea if you’re comfortable with that, it sounds like you trust her a lot and you 2 have an amazing relationship. I understand what you mean about summer holidays, they do feel long when you can’t see your friends. Is there any way you could see your friend before you go back to school - go out for the day, go over to one of your houses etc? 
    Post edited by TheMix on
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 56 Boards Initiate
    Thanks! :')

    And my bestie means the world to me, I wouldn't be here right now if I ever met her <3 it's really bad when I can't see her for a long time... I worry about things a lot, and over think stuff, like it she hasn't spoke to me in a while, I'll start to think that she doesn't want to be friends, but that's not the case (she said). I literally had a break down, and she had to explain to me that she either didn't see the message, she was busy or out. But the summer holidays are bad, anything could happen in a long period of time... I can't speak to her anymore because my parents have stopped me from talking to people on social media, as a big problem came up, with this guy on a gaming platform... And the police got involved an everything, so my parents did it for my protection... I hate it. 

    And when me and my bestie WERE at school, before the holidays, we planned to meet up, and I'd come to her house and we would spend the whole day out, but we never really got a chance to 'plan' it, as we didn't know when we were going to go on holiday, or if our parents were busy. So we were going to text, but I can't do that anymore... And I'm just worried my bestie will be angry at me because of that... :O.. :o 

    Thanks for the idea though! <3

    Take care of yourself!

    - Maddie
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,051 Supreme Poster
    I understand where you’re coming from on the overthinking if your friend doesn’t answer, I often do that as well. I think it’s fantastic that you have such a meaningful relationship and get why it’s so hard when you can’t see her. When do you 2 go back to school?It’s normally September isn’t it so you’ve only got a couple more weeks before you can see her more at school. 

    Social media can be a scary place at times, so what your parents have done is understandable. I don’t know if this will work but could you perhaps talk to them about making an exception for this one friend (if your parents know her and how close you are)? 

    You take care too :)
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 56 Boards Initiate
    It's good that you understand! :)
    And yes, you're right, it is in september, hopefully I can survive a little longer. But school is going to suck so bad, I only enjoy it sometimes because I have her, I'm going to a new site with new teachers and new people, it's going to be horrible. Especially having two strict head teachers! 
    And they know her, they've met, and they know how close we are, both parents (her's and mine). It's because we had this meal, at this place, it was from a school trip we had, and so we were celebrating (not in school time - it was hours after school) and so our parents met. It was really good. And maybe I can talk to my parents about that, thanks so much for the help <3 it means a lot! ❤
    take care of yourself!

    - Maddie
  • Former MemberFormer Member Miniposter Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    Hey,

    How are you feeling today?  <3

    Butterfly x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 56 Boards Initiate
    edited September 18
    I'm feeling fine @Past User ! How are you? <3
    I've had a weird, creepy, funny and sad day! Lol! Hahaha!
    Take care!

    - Maddie
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Miniposter Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    I'm glad you are fine, it sounds like you have had a day full of different emotions! 

    We are here if you feel you would like to talk about it or anything else.  <3

    Butterfly x
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited August 2019
    Hey,

    sorry I don't have much to say. My mind's gone lol. But read & hear you and just wanted to say I think you're strong & we are always listening. Glad you're reaching out here <3
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,054 Wise Owl
    edited September 18
    Hi @Past User

    I've just caught up on your thread, and whilst I would like to echo everything the others have said, I also just want to add what a strong and lovely person you seem to be :heart: The way you have shared your feelings and experiences so open and honestly takes great courage, so you can feel really proud of that! It sounds like you have an amazing relationship with your best friend - you are lucky to have each other :smile:

    Take good care, and remember we are always here for you! big hugs :heart:
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 56 Boards Initiate
    edited September 18
    Thank you so much @Shaunie , @coc0mac and @Past User your words are so lovely and kind! <3
    And all of you here are strong in every identical way! You all here came for support, which makes you all equally as strong! <3 And thanks @coc0mac I am lucky to have her <3
    Sorry if this message is late in the night.. :d I always check for notifications on here before I go bed.. Lol. 
    Take care of yourselfs! ❤
    And if anyone was on those chats today, I'm sorry I couldn't be there, I was busy, and lost track of time. :'(
    I will be on tomorrow, hopefully! 😁

    - Maddie
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Miniposter Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    Hugs! X
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,051 Supreme Poster
    edited September 18
    Hopefully your parents will be understanding @Past User and will help you to talk to your friend. 

    School is tough, I know that for one. I’ve just left school myself and some of those years were among the most difficult in my life. Moving schools is daunting and a big change but you will soon settle in and it will feel less so. At least your best friend will be there with you through this change :) 

    Group chat is a great place to get support and the I find the general chat room good for winding down and relaxing. It’ll be on again tonight from 8-9.30. I’ll try to pop in at some point too.

    Take care,

    Eleanor x
    Post edited by TheMix on
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 56 Boards Initiate
    Hey Eleanor!
    Thanks so much for your mind response. And I guess school can be a really hard time for a lot of people. And I am lucky to have her in this change! x
    And hopefully I remember to come on the chat! ❤
    If I do, I hope I see you there x
    Take care! + all

    - Maddie
  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Posts: 1,084 Wise Owl
    Hey Maddie,

    Welcome to The Mix :heart:

    It's great to have you here. Just wanted to pop on to see how you are doing this morning?

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 56 Boards Initiate
    Hi @Stephanie, thanks for the welcome. <3
    And my morning has been wack.. My brother is so annoying. But I'm feeling fine right now, thanks. I hope your good too? <3
    Take care.

    - Maddie
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 65 Boards Initiate
    I'm so sorry to hear how things have been for u. Try and keep strong I know it's hard and dont listen to these horrible people. I'm so glad u have a best friend like that she seems a positive influence on you. Does she know what's been going on for you? All my love and take care❤❤❤
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