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Volunteering, I'm lost

NekolovesteaNekolovestea Posts: 50 Miniposter
So again writing this at 1am, but hello guys ❤️
To give some context, I have been volunteering at a health centre for about two months now, excluding multiples times where I had to cancel. I have social anxiety and I started volunteering for multiple reasons including trying to fight my anxiety to feel better on the long run, feeling better about myself overall, helping people in need and to discover the medical environment to be prepared for maybe being a doctor one day. I had quite some trouble getting myself to do this but in the end I begged myself to just stop thinking and just do it because the more I think the more I am scared, so about a month later I started.

The first couple of times were very stressful  as I didn't know what I would do at all, but I made it through without much trouble. However the past 2-3 weeks have been very tough for me. In fact the last 2 weeks I ended up crying for half an hour in the locker room because I was making mistake over mistake over mistake, like locking my locker key inside my locker (they had to break the lock) or giving the wrong meal to the wrong person. So now I am tired, and scared of going back, I don't know if I want to go on, if I want to push myself more in the hope that I will get used to it, it hurts me to go, but maybe I just need to go on and it will get better with time, that is what I told myself in the beginning, but I believe in it less and less every day. I just don't know if I can take it, and I know I'm overreacting to everything but I just can't help it. Not too long ago I missed a volunteer meeting because I got lost in a hospital trying to find the room, which left me in tears as I was walking back home. I don't even think they are counting my hours anymore, because I can't log in to their management system. I wish I could just help people without breaking apart every time, like something with less human interaction, but not much is open to 15 yo kids.

Maybe I just need to start over in a new establishment, a friend of mine has told me about her experience as a volunteer, and it sounds totally different, much more fun and less serious. Or maybe it's useless pushing something that won't work, maybe I should just volunteer in a totally new subject. I don't know, I'm lost and scared.

I hope you have a great day or night,
Love ❤️
“You must see with eyes unclouded by hate. See the good in that which is evil, and the evil in that which is good. Pledge yourself to neither side, but vow instead to preserve the balance that exists between the two.” 
-Hayao Miyazaki
Kathleen07

Comments

  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Future musician Posts: 1,536 Postholic
    Sending you some hugs, it sounds like it's been really stressful and anxiety-inducing for you :heart: I don't think you're overreacting at all, it's valid and I can really empathise with how you must feel.

    Is there any change in how you're feeling since you posted?

    It sounds like you're unsure about this because you want to help people and volunteering could have benefits in the long-run, but that you don't want to keep doing it because of how crap it's making you feel. Is that right? I think if you'd be able to cope, maybe you could try volunteering again - in a new establishment or subject if you like - and see what you think after. It could also help to write a pros and cons list, or you've got our support if you want to talk this through anymore :smile: There's no pressure on you, are you leaning toward any particular option?
    When life leaves us blind, love keeps us kind - Linkin Park

    Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls, everytime that you lose it sing it for the world - MCR
    Salix_alba_2019
  • NekolovesteaNekolovestea Posts: 50 Miniposter
    Hellow

    Sooo, I took the time to think and talk about it with my therapist, and my feelings are pretty much the same, still angry, both at myself for being so weak and at the people responsible for the volunteers because they gave me no advice, and just no help at all, they just asked me what I wanted to do, made me do something else, without any training or anything, and the week after made me do something else without telling me anything beforehand.

    So yes I did stop for now, I don't know if I am going to try again, but if I do it will be in a new establishment. I just plan on taking a break, until I am 16, and then maybe volunteer again somewhere else.

    Thank you a lot for your reply @Kathleen07
    Sending hugs ❤️
    “You must see with eyes unclouded by hate. See the good in that which is evil, and the evil in that which is good. Pledge yourself to neither side, but vow instead to preserve the balance that exists between the two.” 
    -Hayao Miyazaki
    Kathleen07Salix_alba_2019
  • MikeMike Posts: 1,636 Staff Moderator
    That sounds like a reasonable decision @Nekolovestea. :)

    I was going to suggest exploring roles with a bit more support, particularly given what you said about doing this to try and overcome social anxiety. It's honestly really cool that you're willing to challenge yourself in that way and fight some of those demons, and if it's something you want to do, there will be roles that give you the right support to do that.

    My first job was a huge challenge for me as it involved working in customer service, and I had huge confidence and social anxiety issues at the time. It was rough at first and I made a tonne of mistakes, had a few breakdowns and everything, but it did settle for me and I ended up being pretty good at it.
    In hindsight I should probably have started with a smaller jump, but only good things happened once I worked through that initial 'AH!' phase and I'm glad I challenged myself.

    Really glad you felt able to step away for a bit and take some time for yourself. :) It's brave of you to take this on and volunteering is an admirable thing to do in your free time.

    Do you know what other roles or establishments you might look at?
    this too shall pass

    ---
    on holiday until the end of September
  • L100L100 Posts: 113 The Mix convert
    Volunteering can be nervous something but all jobs have challenges and even when it’s dark there’s always a solution. I don’t even volunteer with customers although their are visitors but m volunteerings mostly with animals. I still get nervous around some animals. Although I like all animals. It’s just some have a bad reputation but you just have to face up with your fears and just think of it as a challenge or what’s the worse that could happen?. I also find it awkard when a visitor  asks you a question you don’t know the answer to.  I  try to use intiative. It also helps if you believe in yourself no matter what other people think. 

    if you like animals have you tried seeing if any shelters, zoos, animal parks, pet shops would take Volunteers 

    just rememeber to keep trying, be confident and believe in yourself. It defiently helps.
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