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VO5 Summer of Love: How to Talk to Your Partner About Sex

coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 1,054 Wise Owl
edited July 2019 in Sex & Relationships
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Hello everyone! It’s that time again for a new theme in our Summer of Love Series with VO5 - and this week’s theme is Sex, Consent and Jealousy. In keeping with this theme I thought it would be a great idea to talk about how to talk to your partner about sex. It’s such an important part of a relationship and you deserve to feel comfortable having such conversations. It really doesn’t have to feel awkward or embarrassing ♡

When we mention talking about sex with your partner, this can include anything from talking about what you like in bed through to your thoughts and concerns about consent and contraception. Every single one of us have rights to talk about these to our partner, but often people can be left worrying that it’s embarrassing or nerve-wracking, they may feel bad when giving feedback, or may feel concerned about killing the mood when communicating during sex. Equally as importantly, it may be that you don’t want to have sex anymore - and that too is a conversation that you have every right to have. These worries are normal but it absolutely doesn’t have to be this way. There is some really useful advice and solutions that you can read about here in The Mix’s article about how to talk to your partner about sex. I would love to hear what you think. 

So now it’s over to you. I would love to hear your thoughts and advice on how to talk to your partner about sex - and how you perhaps overcame some of these worries that have been discussed in the article. ♡

Post edited by TheMix on


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    chubbydumplingchubbydumpling Posts: 487 Listening Ear
    As a bisexual woman, I've often found it easier to discuss my expectations of sex with my female partners. It's something I'm slowly addressing but a lot of men I've dated have been reluctant to discuss things like consent or giving feedback. 

    What I've found helps is having those conversations right off the bat. Instead of waiting until sex is going to be happening right then and there, it's important to sit down beforehand and discuss what's going to happen. For example, I would ask about their boundaries and tell them mine, talk about my preferred methods of contraception and check that we're both clear of STDs. That gets all of the "housekeeping" stuff out of the way. 

    When it comes to communicating during sex, I always make sure to check in. Asking questions like "Does that feel good?" or "Could we do this instead?" is, I've found, much less nerve-wracking for people. I always try to phrase things as a question, rather than a statement, so that my partner feels more comfortable starting a dialogue. 
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    alice123alice123 Posts: 88 Budding Regular
    I completely agree with you @chubbydumpling, I think it's so important to discuss how you're feeling beforehand and any logistics to make it enjoyable for you both. Although this may sound awkward, talking about sex could actually be a big turn on for your partner which could aid, rather than hinder, a sexual experience. 

    Communication is also needed during and following a sexual experience. Asking questions to see how your partner is feeling is a good way of being attentive to their needs whilst confirming to yourself that it's going well.

    Love this thread - I think we definitely need more talking openly about sex! 
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    coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 1,054 Wise Owl
    Thank you so much for sharing @chubbydumpling! it's great to hear your perspective. I think that's a great idea to communicate in questions rather than statements. 

    and its great to hear your perspective too @alice123 - you are so right that it's important even following sex! it's so important to be open and honest throughout the entire experience!
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,565 Skive's The Limit
    I agree. It shouldn't be embarrassing to talk about. And I guess the more you think "this is awkward" the more awkward it gets. Cause tbh I didn't think it was an embarrassing thing to talk about until I read that some people feel it is and then I'm thinking  -'ive spoke before about sex in this way and I didn't find it embarrassing, did they find embarrassing'. Then convo after reading it, I felt more awkward since reading because in case they found awkward. But realistically they may feel more comfortable once you've open that convo up cause can have better sex and can feel heard and build better relationship when feel closer

    The Mix's article is also interesting to read. The "I statements" rather than "you" are really importnant and can make a difference even if don't feel like it does. And just takes ownership of your own feelings rather then putting blame of your feelings on someone else, even if dont mean to And  can make people get less defensive about it. It's something I learnt on my training in my language to people so it's something that can def be used through out the whole relationship too
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 1,054 Wise Owl
    @Shaunie Completely agree! I really like your view that people may feel more comfortable talking about sex once you have opened the conversation, I really agree :smile: and for sure, language is important and really can be used throughout the whole relationship. Love that reply, thanks so much for sharing!
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