VO5 Summer of Love Series: How jealous is too jealous?
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Once again, we’ve partnered with VO5 to talk about issues impacting young people and this week’s topic is Sex, Consent and Jealousy.
Jealousy in relationships has been a theme in some of the best songs of all time (honestly, who among us hasn’t cursed out Jolene for trying to take Dolly’s man?). But, in reality, hearing that your partner feels jealous can be incredibly uncomfortable, especially if it devolves into paranoia, and frustrating, as it may make you feel as though they don’t trust you. Likewise, being jealous can leave you feeling insecure and anxious about the future of your relationship.
A little jealousy is okay, some studies even indicate that it can be a good thing, but too much and the relationship becomes toxic and unhealthy.
- Have they ever given you a reason to doubt their commitment to you? If they’ve cheated in the past, have you resolved this or is it still an issue? If your partner has been unfaithful before and doesn’t appear to have changed, or repeatedly ignores reasonable boundaries, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship.
- If you feel as though they’re avoiding you or that you don’t spend enough time together, sit down and have an honest chat about why you feel this way and what you can do to rectify the situation.
- If you already spend a lot of time together, ask yourself how reasonable you’re being here. Do you have hobbies and interests outside of your relationship? Are you socialising with your friends and family? If not, it could be the case that your relationship has become your sole focus. There’s a fine line between wanting to be with someone and wanting to be with them all the time. The latter isn’t healthy or a fair expectation of your partner.
For more information, check out our article here: https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/relationships/jealousy-2942.html
Relate also have a great article and provide affordable relationship counselling, both of which are linked here: https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships/trust/jealousy-ruining-your-relationship
How do you handle jealous thoughts? Comment down below with your insights!
Comments
I handle jealous thoughts in different ways depending on why I am having them. For example, if I hear that someone else fancies my boyfriend or if he makes a new female friend and they are very close, I often feel jealous that she might be prettier/ funnier etc than me and that he could 'do better'. However, I combat this by reminding myself that he has chosen to be with me and by continuing in our relationship, is making that choice everyday. Therefore, I know that I shouldn't feel insecure or jealous as he is with me for a reason.
If jealousy crops up from him hanging out with his friends a lot, I remind myself that relationships need boundaries and it is healthy for us both to spend time with our friends and to have friends of the opposite sex. This is something which affected us both at University as we made close friends of the opposite sex. However, I think in this situation, open communication and reassurance as well as meeting these friends helped both of us to shelve these feelings of jealousy.
Although I have spoken about my relationship, I think that the same can occur with friendships. Jealousy is one of those things which you need to check yourself on now and then in order to keep any relationship happy and healthy!
great thread!
This is such an interesting thread - I love all your advice too @chubbydumpling
I think a little jealousy is normal but it's just handling that feeling and not letting it consume you I think!
I agree with @alice123 and @coc0mac, the most important thing for me and my partner is that we talk about it.
I also think if your partner has close friends that you are worried about, it's also a good idea to get to know them. Firstly, because it will make you feel less insecure when you get to know them and see that they are just friends (if you still feel insecure or if getting to know them leaves you feeling more insecure - you should talk to your partner about it). Secondly, it's also nice for your partner for you to get on well with his/her friends.
I really like how aware you are of your jealous thoughts and how you quickly put a stop to them by reminding yourself that your boyfriend is dedicated to your relationship. Combatting negative emotions with positive affirmations is a really good tactic for keeping jealous thoughts at bay.
They're with you for a reason and while is okay if they find other people attactive physically they obviously are not the same person since not the same connection.
I guess is about finding the cause of the jealously - if it's cause they have done something or feel insecure then lots of ways to move forward and think about how could work or maybe not work at the moment until they work on their self worth.