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Big low mood coming up soon (possible TW)
davcr0ck
Posts: 774 Part of The Mix Family
Hey all,
It's coming round to that time of year for me where I feel really sad and depressed and also suicidal too,
Most of the trigger is in here
For the people that don't know me that well, I have an heart condition and for the most of 10 months of the year I feel great about myself (with the occasional down moments) but July and August brings back so terrible memories of when I had my major heart surgery,
I won't go into details else I probably start crying and then delete this all, what I find that triggers the thoughts is when I hear hospital, Southampton, anything to do with the heart or circulatory system and surgery,
So if I go silent toward the end of July to mid August then don't be surprised,
And also I want to say that this could be ptsd but I'm really not sure/doesn't want to speak to his gp about it.
if anyone has an tips on managing this, your advice will be much loved
It's coming round to that time of year for me where I feel really sad and depressed and also suicidal too,
Most of the trigger is in here
Last year being the worst I've been where I've nearly committed on three occasions and ran away from home for an week (which is an terrible idea if you don't have your shit)
For the people that don't know me that well, I have an heart condition and for the most of 10 months of the year I feel great about myself (with the occasional down moments) but July and August brings back so terrible memories of when I had my major heart surgery,
I won't go into details else I probably start crying and then delete this all, what I find that triggers the thoughts is when I hear hospital, Southampton, anything to do with the heart or circulatory system and surgery,
So if I go silent toward the end of July to mid August then don't be surprised,
And also I want to say that this could be ptsd but I'm really not sure/doesn't want to speak to his gp about it.
if anyone has an tips on managing this, your advice will be much loved
Love is love and everyone is accepting and can share their issues with no judge from me and I try to help
3
Comments
I hear how hard things are for you right now and I’m sorry to hear about the terrible memories 💗
Is there anything that helps to control your mood a little bit when you are feeling like this? x
Feel free to keep sharing with us 💗
Just wanted to check in to see how you are doing today? Noticed you posted this thread a couple of days ago,
Just want to let you know we are here for you
"Like when I was down you just had that smile that made me feel like everything's worthwhile. Thinking of the day when you went away, what a life to take, what a bond to break, I'll be missing you"
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In response to you @Butterfly23 i would go train spotting but that's not an smart idea when feeling sucidal as we all know, music helps with my anxiety but that's starting to lose its affect
But yesterday I did realise how much I reliey on my headphones and music when I went out for an walk without them and felt really insecure and axtious,
I have quite an broad taste in music if I'm honest, some days it's rap and pop, overs it's 70s and 80s music and then 00s sing along so it does vary an lot,
I try my harderest to get out but the heat isn't particularly one with me, I can't stand it when it's higher than 20 degrees so that's why I spend most my time at home,
Last night I just collapsed onto my bed crying after losing my bracelet (an pride one) which I only got an week ago, and I think I took two sleeping pills last night and I'm considering on stop taking them because I feel like it's affecting my memory,
I was going to go train spotting but it's decide to rain today so I'm just gonna sit in costa and work my way through this excel spreadsheet work for maths 😫😫😫😫
Yesterday morning wasnt much better than Thursday, had an flaskback in the middle of class and apparently I was shouting f*** off to an wall which is just great
Last night was really werid and I decided to tell my boyfriend what has happened over the past few days and he's really supportive and caring which was an suppriseing as I thought he was gonna break up with me 😂😂
But an old ticket office is open today so I'm gonna head over to that now and then chill for the rest of the day
Did you manage to catch it at 1800? Sounds like you got out and about either way
And really pleased to hear your boyfriend is being so supportive!! It really helps when you have down days being able to talk to someone that cares. Happy for you and sending hugs, hope you're ok today
- Lucy
Yesterday was alright until it got to the evening where I get in bed until I fall asleep, because I'm just alone and that's when my thoughts get to me,
Also yesterday I found out that my boyfriend parents found out that he was going to another pride event with me and now keeping him at home all day and also have found out about topaz,
Otherthan that it's generally been OK yesterday but then I've two lessons so it wasn't really an day at college 😂
Butterfly x
I've had an migraine for the past two days and last night I just cryed and cryed and cryed all night until I feel asleep at around midnight and woke up at 4am and I just don't feel like living,
Yesterday I just had an day of trying to relax but got an little bored and watched top gear all day and then eat lots of crap but also ate an whole watermelon because I'm just werid
My teachers are like you shouldn't be in and I'm like at least I'm not gonna do anything stupid at school but I will at home so I'm best here,
At least my inr is nearly back to normal which is nice I suppose
Anyone got any tips on getting rid of an migraine without taking any pills
How are things going at college today?
It sounds like these thoughts and urges are really strong right now. Is there anything that's helped you before when they've felt this strong?
I was wondering if you'd tried Crisis Messenger before to talk through how you're feeling? You can reach them 24/7 by texting 'THEMIX' to 85258. Samaritans are also available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
Remember there's always help out there when you're struggling, you shouldn't feel like you have to fight through these things alone. How would you feel about reaching out to one of those organisations today?
It's reassuring that you find college a safe place for you. Do you mind me asking you what helps you when you're at college and what makes things more challenging at home?
Sometimes lying in a dark room for a while can help. Also, drinking lots of water and having a good meal can help too. I'm not a medical expert so it's always best to get some professional medical advice on what to do. Is there a medical room at your college you can go to?
Hope you're doing okay today @davcr0ck. We're here anytime you want to talk
Nah today hasn't got better at all, currently sat in an costa with black out windows and the staff kindly turned the lights down an bit too which is nice of them, in response to the two services yes their both great things but you phone or text over an form of communication which has barely any encryption and how do i know that you wont sell off my phone number, sorry that probably sounds like an stupid reason coming from an 17 year old
the reason behind going to college with a migraine because then im alone at home and then the thoughts will become worse and then i probably do something stupid. Now i sit and wait at costa and squeeze my unicorn until 5pm when hopefully my dad picks me up on time instead of half an hour late.
Monday evening I had an sensory overload by just the fucking wind, that's never happened before (well it happened once before when making out)
Tuesday at school I got told to go and get conversation therapy which now that bitch has been reported,
Tuesday evening just ate fruit in the evening, didn't have chocolate sooo fruit the next best thing and watched top gear all evening to try and cheer me up
(kind of works)
Wednesday at school, my friend has left college now so in my study periods I have no one to talk to which is really helping my thoughts,
Got my unicorn and larma with me today so whenever an thought comes along I just started squeezeing one of them.